Chapter 13

Sid's POV:

Come on, pick up the phone, pick up the phone. I hated waiting for her to find her phone all of the time in her giant, messy purse. I hated that damn purse of hers but it was also so typically her to carry so much around with her that it made me smile.

"Hello?" I heard her pick up finally sounding winded and confused.

"What are you doing right now?" I asked not bothering to tell her who it was. Over the past two years, we had worked out a system: short conversations on the phone, long conversations in person. It was so much easier to be friends with a girl that also hated talking on the phone.

"Hiking" she replied. "What are you doing?"

"Can you hike down to my house in the next hour? I'll order you food" I knew I could get her to quit her hike if I offered her something to eat.

"Um, I'm not exactly sure how far away I am from my starting point. Can I call you when I'm back at my car?" I felt myself get nervous at the idea of her lost in the woods somewhere. For whatever reason she actually liked to get lost in the woods and it never seemed to stress her out. And remarkably, she always found her way back.

"Don't worry. I'll be fine Dad" she laughed when I didn't say anything and hung up promising to call me back later. A half hour later she called me back letting me know that she was on her way.
"Just ignore the fact that I look like a mess!" she said before hanging up on me. She never looked like a mess but she was gone before I could point that out. Even when her hair was windblown from being outside and she didn't have any makeup on, she still managed to completely unnerve me with how beautiful she was.

And lately, me noticing how beautiful she actually was, was starting to become a problem. A big problem. I had always known that she was uniquely gorgeous but as we slid into the routine of becoming friends, it was easier to assume the role of platonic guy friend knowing that she wasn't interested in anything else.
Emma was part of the reason that Christine wanted us to move in together even though we had only been seeing each other off and on for a few months. She didn't understand why it was okay for Emma to crash here occasionally and not her. She didn't understand that it was Emma holding me back from making anything permanent with anyone else. I didn't really know what to do about this either.

Emma's POV:

I pulled into Sidney's long, secluded driveway and pulled my car into the garage door he had left open for me. After quickly pulling my long hair into a more secure ponytail, I climbed out and walked into the house shutting the doors behind me as I went along. Sidney was a private and pretty conservative guy and his house reflected that quiet, shy part about him. It wasn't too big because he claimed that it was stupid for a single guy to have an enormous house but really I knew it was because all of the open space would make him feel lonely. It was part of the reason that he had stayed with the Lemieuxs for so long- he liked having the family setting around him.

"I'm in here" he called out hearing my footsteps. I smiled watching him unearth cartons of Italian food from a big, paper delivery bag at the kitchen counter. He was probably giving me the fattening stuff while he stuck to his intense hockey season diet.

"You still haven't painted anything, have you?" I asked frowning and examining his still very bare, and very white kitchen. White spaces made me feel like I was in an insane asylum. It was somehow just wrong for so pretty a house to remain undecorated.

"Hi, nice to see you too" he joked handing me a plate.

"But seriously Sidney. Maybe you should let Christine move in just so someone will decorate this place." I meant it as a joke but he obviously didn't take it that way as he stiffened and kept his eyes down.

"I was joking" I offered trying to get one of his famous smiles out of him.

He finally obliged me and looked me over with an amused look on his face. "Nice outfit" he grinned handing me a plate. I blushed looking down at my ancient yoga pants that were starting to get a little too tight for my liking and my old Pens t-shirt and tanktop. My red hair had gotten a little wavy from being outside and was fighting the hair band I had confined it too.

"Hey, I warned you buddy" I said waving my fork at him. I had long since given up trying to impress Sidney Crosby with my appearance. I had never been flashy or pretty enough to garner attention from him before and being friends with him hadn't changed that. Now in my mid-20's and hopelessly single, I had pretty much stopped caring about what I looked like except for when I went to work. I loved my job and couldn't look like a slob while I was out working with press and the team on Penguins charity work. How would it look if I was out trying to raise money for homeless people when I looked like a homeless person?

"So, are you going to talk about last night or did you just feel the need to feed me?" I asked watching as he settled next to me on one of the stools. I switched positions sitting sideways on the stool so that I could face him while we ate.

"I don't know. Christine wants us to move in together but I'm not sure that I want that."

"So she wants to move in here?" I felt like correcting him and tried not to let the anger creep into my voice. I was by no means an expert on love and relationships but why was he always so blind to the types of girls that he dated? Christine just wants to have someone pay her rent for her and latching onto Sidney would have its advantages. He shrugged noncommitally and twirled more pasta around on his fork.  He only did that stupid shrugging thing when he knew that I wanted to say something to him but he wasn't going to like it so he tried to play it off. Yes, we did know each other well.

"I don't think we're ready but she keeps pushing the subject and throwing the "l" word at me. How am I supposed to respond to that?" He actually looked stressed out about this and waited for my response.

"Well, do you love her?" I asked praying that he wouldn't say yes. What would I say in response to that? Congratulations?

"No" he said staring at the counter in front of him. "I'm not sure why she keeps saying it though. There are only so many times I can change the subject after that."
I was now inexplicably just angry at him for not being the Sidney I knew he could be. Why couldn't he just decide if Christine was what he wanted or not? Why couldn't he do the right thing and realize that she was using him? Times like this reminded me of what had prompted me to really take a step back and look at him a few years ago when he originally blew off the Children's Partnership Program. Was he so used to people telling him what to do that he couldn't think for himself anymore? Our legs were touching casually as we ate and suddenly I couldn't handle the contact anymore.

"Where are you going?" he asked holding my knee down with his hand.

"Well you don't even want to really talk about this so I was going to go watch your TV" I admitted watching his lips quirk up in amusement at me.

"I want to talk to you about it, I just don't know what to do about it either. What do you think of her, and be honest?"

There it was, the question that I had effectively evaded thus far in the few short months that they had been dating.

"Did you get any garlic bread? This place has great garlic bread." I rummaged around in the takeout bag thankful that I had something to do with my hands. I could feel his caramel gaze on me as he analyzed my movements.

"You don't like her" he deadpanned staring me down. What was I supposed to do? Then again, I always criticized him for not saying what he was really feeling and there I was not telling him the truth.

"Truthfully, not really. But then again, your opinion of her is what ultimately matters." I wasn't going to add that I secretly thought of her as one of Satan's earthlings. He shrugged again muttering an "I know" and we both turned back to finishing our meals.

Later as we sat in front of the TV trying to find something good to watch, Sidney reached over to yank the notebook I was writing event ideas in out of my hands.

"You don't ever stop working, do you?" he asked looking over my notes while I struggled against him to take it back.

"You're one to talk" I said playfully referring to his fanaticism about the Pens and hockey in general.

"I like this idea" he said pointing to a charity dinner idea I was jotting down notes about. As the lead player representative for the CPP, Sidney was acutely tuned into all of the work that went into setting up events and media outlets for it. What had started out as my pet project two years ago had grown into one of the most successful programs that the Pens were involved with. The success of it had turned me into a minor workaholic but it was worth it in the end after every event to see the smiles on the kids faces after meeting and spending time with hockey heroes. The success of my job in many ways covered up my complete of success in my personal life.

"Really?" He nodded yes leaning down to look at the notes that he had returned over my shoulder. Ironically, planning events was what had prompted us hanging out more frequently in the first place. As maid of honor and best man to Vero and Marc-Andre's wedding more than a year ago, the two of us were almost forced together in a way and that was when we had really started to spend time alone together. From there we just clicked and both found that we were happy to converse with each other or just sit quietly and keep each other company. They say that two lonely souls inevitably find each other and this was true of Sidney and I.

"Yeah, just don't make us wear those ties you did last time" he said rolling his eyes. The last dinner I planned in order to raise money in Pittsburgh for the program, I followed the Skates and Plates setup where the guys served everyone dinner. But no one was amused when I showed them the ties they had to wear, especially Sidney who hates to wear anything that is remotely flashy or Max Talbot-esque (who of course loved the ties).

"It was just a tie with some penguins on it" I said defending the ties, that to this day, I still found adorable.

"They were penguins holding little serving platters" he said staring at me like he didnt understand why I didn't see that they were tacky. I grumbled out a "fine" just to get him off my case about the ties and stretched my legs out onto the coffee table in front of us. Sidney's feet were already stretched out and I stared at how different they looked side by side. He was so dependable in every way and not just because he was all gorgeous muscle. He was the kind of guy someone could lean on. Even his feet looked dependable to me. They were big and usually bruised from being in skates most hours of the day and mine looked incredibly pale next to his and dainty. I never felt like a dainty girl. Christine was dainty, I was not. Remembering Christine, I suddenly felt like it was wrong for me to be curled up on the couch next to Sidney. I didn't usually shy away from physical contact with people, I liked affection, but Sidney, and physical contact with him was enough to make me bend my own rules. Everytime I thought I was beyond the intense physical and emotional attraction I felt with him, something simple and ordinary like us sitting next to each other companionably on his couch made me relapse.

He stretched and his thigh bumped mine and settled snugly against me making me feel like someone had just prodded me with a hot iron.

"I should go" I stated putting my notebook away in my purse on the floor.

"What? Why? You've only been here for an hour" he said looking confused.

"I need to shower, do some things around my house" I lied trying to sound as if I led a very important life outside of work. Which I didn't.

"Uh, okay" he said standing up with me. Unfortunately I hadn't moved away far enough and so now we were both standing close together in the awkward space between the couch and the coffee table.

"Is something wrong? You're jumpy all of the sudden" he said putting his hands on my shoulders. I stared at his hands like they were alien objects probing me and looked up at him reassuring him that I was fine. God, if we were a couple, or if he was remotely attracted to me in that way, that would have been the moment where two people kiss and say goodnight.

Sidney insisted on walking me to the garage and opened everything up for me. I waited until the garage door was closed again and he could no longer see me to faceplant on my steering wheel and berate myself for acting like such a fool on so ordinary an evening.