So it's been awhile... hope you all don't hate me!
Emma's POV:
"Could you stop being an ass for a whole 10 seconds?"
"Not when you're just being stubborn." Sid replied laughing at me on the other line. I twisted my old-fashioned telephone cord around my middle finger, shooting him the bird even though he was on the other side of the U.S in L.A.
We were currently fighting about our future living situation even though I had already agreed that we should both take the step and make our relationship more serious. Yes, previously we had been on the rocks a little bit due to his inability to commit and spend just as much time on our relationship as me, but I had also realized that no matter how stupid he was, he was also my rock. The person who kept me sane while he drove me insane. And there was no one else who drove me crazy the way that he did.
It had been two weeks since I told him about my decision and we were still in the process of figuring out where to move and where to put our stuff. It probably didn't take this long for other couples to move in together and it really wouldn't be such a big deal except for the fact that I wanted him to move in with me.
As soon as I decided that I would move in with him, I realized how stupid it was for me to be moving into a house that I was pretty sure he didn't even like. He had been living there for more than a year and he still hadn't painted a single wall in that house. I knew Sidney. Living in such a blank space must be driving him crazy and it was either pure laziness or the fact that he didn't really view his house as a home and that kept him from picking out colors and doing something about it. I was leaning toward the latter. Case in point, we hardly ever spent time at his house. He was always at my house. Always sleeping here. Usually leaving his hockey gear in my laundry room. It just made sense for him to live here with me. In my house.
Last night I had proposed the idea to him fully expecting that he would agree. Instead we had argued all night because suddenly he wanted to keep the house that I knew for a fact he didn't even like. After that, we both blew off steam by going at it until we both decided that neither of us was going to win the argument and that we really needed to sleep. Now he was on a 6 day road-trip to L.A, Vancouver and Calvary and we had switched to fighting over the phone instead with no possibility of make-up sex for the rest of the week.
"Why can't you just make my house a home?" he asked me sighing into the line and making the air crackle over the receiver. "I haven't painted it because it never felt right. It was temporary. You would make it un-temporary."
"I get that you want permanence but what about me? We already spend all of our time at my house and it is a home to me. My grandparents gave me that house, Sid. I know that you have a supportive family but my grandparents were the only real family that I had until they died. I don't think that I'm ready to sell it." My confession surprised me but I had also never had to think about selling the house before either. If it did happen in the future, it would be hard for me to accept.
He was quiet for a moment on the other side and I envisioned us movie panoramic style, both stretched out in bed but on other sides of the country. It would be romantic if it were any normal and uncomplicated couple unlike us. When was anything ever easy for us?
"Okay" he finally said on the other line.
"Excuse me?" I said, wondering if I heard him correctly.
"I said 'okay'" he repeated and this time I could hear him smiling. "I told you that I was in it for real this time with you. Now I'm going to prove it. I like your house and if that's where you want to live, then okay."
The determination in his voice gave me chills.
"So you'll move in with me? Here?" I was grinning too now.
"Yeah, I still think it would be nice to keep the house that I have but if it's that important to you, we'll stay at your house. At least until the future, when we need more space."
My eyebrows shot up at "when we need more space" part wondering what he meant by that. I decided to let it go just for the sake of avoiding another fight about something stupid.
"I can't believe you just let me win that fight" I grinned into the phone. "It means a lot to me that you'll move in with me. I love this house."
He laughed and the sound washed over me through my phone speaker. "Em, I know you do. I think I've seen you lovingly polish the fireplace enough times."
"You're such a sweet talker" I sighed making us both errupt into spontaneous laughter. I wished that he was next to me in bed so that I could feel the way the bed moved when he belly laughed with me.
"So we're really doing this?"
"We're really doing this. Just wait until I'm back. We can start by figuring out where to put my stuff."
Ugh, I had forgotten how much stuff he had for a surprisingly low maintenance guy. It was mostly hockey stuff but we still had to figure out where to put it.
"I'll probably have to clean out a few closets" I confessed, already going through my mental calendar and making time to do it.
"We can start to figure it out next weekend. I'm off on Saturday and Sunday with a home game on Monday night."
"You'll be around all weekend?" I was pleasantly surprised that I would have him all to myself for two whole days.
Spring was such a fleeting season in terms of hockey, so quick did it pass that it was almost like it never happened. Snow simply melts and the playoffs begin. I was learning that you had to take as many opportunities as possible to be with the man you loved when the other woman in your relationship was a game.
"Yeah, nothing big going on. We'll have time to argue over closet space." I smiled because I had secretly been thinking the same thing.
Two days later, I dumped old clothes that I no longer wore into a trash bag that I planned to drop off at the Salvation Army in the morning. The night before I had taken stock of my closet and planned to give Sidney at least half of it for his stuff.
As much as I wanted to surprise him by already having room for him in my closets and my house, it was a big pain to actually sort through years of my stuff and haul it all out to my little convertible. Glancing around at the 3 bags I already had filled, it looked like I was going to be making a lot of stops at the Salvation Army this week.
Along with this surprise, I was already trying to figure out where he could put the rest of his hockey stuff. Obviously he had a lot of momentos but they were still packed up in boxes at his current house since he had never bothered to put them out anywhere.
My house was old and certainly smaller than his but I did have a basement with barely anything in it. My current plan was to surprise him when he got home this weekend and gift him with the entire basement. Sid the Kid was about to get his very own man-cave where he could work out, grunt and stare at his achievements or whatever he was used to doing alone and with his friends.
The more I stared at the space, the more I could envision it. We could paint it, add a couch or two, a table and a TV. The back part of the basement could be used for some of his workout equipment but he mostly went to the arena in his spare time to use their facilities. Still, it would be perfect and it would also give us both our own space in my already feminine house.
He always joked that I lived in a dollhouse but part of me was worried it would actually get on his nerves to live somewhere where only I had had a say in the decorating process. With three bedrooms and essentially 3 floors of living space including the basement, I knew that we would have plenty of room to both feel comfortable. Plus we could always redecorate a room or two if it made things easier.
I smiled realizing how most of my old college friends would probably scold me for not sticking to my feminist ways and actually caring about what my boyfriend thinks of our home's decor but I didn't care anymore. Since dealing with Sidney, I had learned a lot about compromise and I finally felt that he was showing me that he had learned the same lessons. I got a fuzzy feeling in my body whenever I remembered his promises to me to try to be better and to pull his weight in our relationship. Whatever happened now, I believed him. And despite the fact that I was bursting to tell him that I loved him, I would wait until the timing was perfect.
For now I was just excited for him to come home so that we could start making decisions together rather than me just guessing what we should do in his absence. 6 day road-trips sucked.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Chapter 41
Hello Lovely Readers! I don't even know where to begin in explaining why I've been putting my writing on the back burner lately. So I'm going to skip that whole story and just thank you guys for still reading this blog in the first place :)
Hope you guys like this one, I know people have been wondering why Sid's been acting like he has 4 heads but he's a boy. I just want this chapter to explain more about what he's thinking so hopefully I achieved that and it made sense.
Hope you guys like this one, I know people have been wondering why Sid's been acting like he has 4 heads but he's a boy. I just want this chapter to explain more about what he's thinking so hopefully I achieved that and it made sense.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Chapter 40
All I have to say is, thank god I made it this far. It seems like I've been striving to hit the 40 mark forever. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter, I wrote and re-wrote it 3 times just to try to get it right and I'm still not completely satisfied.
But first, a refresher from the last chapter:
"I'm going with you to dinner at your parents" he stated looking at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Reaching forward to grasp my arm firmly in his hand, he pulled me closer as he attempted to herd me out the front door like some belligerent sheep in need of forceful guiding. Against the disadvantage of my skinny high heels and Sid's strength, I almost toppled after him before I managed to dig my heels in and hold my ground.
Now I knew for sure: I was going to kill Max and Eliza Talbot. Then get to Sidney next.
****
Years later, I would come to regret not physically hurting Sid as much as he was emotionally hurting me in the next few moments outside of his car.
In those moments, he was everything that I characteristically hated about a person. Pushy, overbearing, arrogant and oddly enough, trying to grovel at the same time. If there was one emotional action that I couldn't bear, it was grovelling. What's the point? You only make the person that you're apologizing to uncomfortable and you also look like a huge fool in the process. It's demeaning to humankind and equally demeaning to be on the receiving end of it.
"Just get in the car" Sidney stated gesturing towards the open passenger door. When I raised my eyebrow at him in refusal and with a 'you've got to be kidding me' attitude, he pleaded. "Please, just get in and we'll talk on the way."
He wasn't going to give up but neither was I. If I was going anywhere, it certainly wasn't going to be in his car. He would decide that we needed to talk. He would drive us. He would continue to make decisions for the both of us and slowly drive me insane until I could barely recognize myself anymore. It was utterly maddening.
"No" I told him ignoring the look of exasperation on his face. "If we go anywhere together, I'm driving us." With that I turned on my heel and he didn't try to grab me and pull me back. I walked to my car parked next to his in the driveway and unlocked the doors not really caring if he was joining me or not.
Silently, he locked up his car and pocketed the keys while opening the passenger door of my much smaller car. All he said was a simple "Okay" before I started the engine and backed out of my driveway.
I was distressingly off schedule and not looking forward to the disapproving looks of my mother while she complained about having to have the Chef hold dinner while they waited around for me. Never mind that the real reason she was always such a stickler for time was that she couldn't bear to spend any more time with her husband unattended than was necessary.
"So can we talk?" Sidney spoke up first, breaking the chilly silence between us in the car.
"I don't know if that's such a good idea" I responded silently considering just leaving him by the side of the road. I knew that our problems weren't entirely one sided. With him and I, it was never just one person's fault, usually it was a combination of both of our problems snowballing into one big mess.
"Why not?" he asked frowning.
"Because we're about to go to my parent's house for dinner and I can't decide which is worse: talking about our relationship right now or the prospect of having a dinner at home. So no, I don't really want to talk right now."
Sighing agitatedly, he dropped the subject and stretched his legs out uncomfortably. It was a classic Sidney's annoyed action and it made me feel slightly better to see him so obviously off balance by my unwillingness to slap a smile on my face and forgive him.
I spent the rest of the drive trying to relax and center my mind before going into what I lovingly referred to as the Lion's Den. That alone spoke volumes about how happy and loving the home I had grown up in was.
After another 15 minutes of quiet driving, we finally pulled onto the street of the stately neighborhood of my youth. Big trees shaded the road with large brick homes facing each other on each side of the street. It was all seemingly normal at the facade.
"This is where you grew up?" Sidney asked looking at all of the similar houses neatly lined up and down the street. I nodded and he snorted like something was amusing him.
"What?" I asked wondering what was so funny.
"Nothing" he grinned. "It's just nothing like Cole Harbor is all."
Well no shit, Sidney. You had a normal, happy childhood while I didn't. Obviously this tiny section of Fox Chapel was world's away from the supportive town that had fostered Sidney's career. Instead of snapping at him like I wanted to, I kept my mouth shut and continued to drive.
I turned off the street and pulled into one of the largest homes on the street. I parked the car behind my Mother's new Jag noting that my Father's car wasn't there yet. Smart man- he probably knew that I would be a few minutes late and didn't want to be there with my Mother either.
"Hey, hey stop a second" Sidney said jogging up to me and taking my hand in his.
My nerves were already starting to hum in anticipation of time spent with my family and his hand added more sparks and tension.
"What are we when we walk in there?" he asked gently gripping my hand in his.
"You're my friend" I told him decidedly. I wasn't going to fake it to anyone and tell my parents that we were happily dating and in love. It would just be a sham and it would hurt much later on when I was finally alone.
He rolled his eyes at the use of the word "friend." "You know we're not just friends" he told me suddenly pulling me much closer to his body.
Before I could answer, the front door swung open and my Mother stepped out onto the front steps excitedly saying my name but keeping her eyes pinned on Sidney curiously.
"Hi Mom" I stepped out of Sidney's grasp and walked forward to accept her air-kisses on both cheeks in the European style she was so accustomed to.
"And who's this?" she smiled holding her hand out for Sidney to kiss. Of course, him being him, he interpreted her extended hand as an offered handshake. Even if tonight was going to be a disaster, it was so worth it to see the expression on her face as Sidney brusquely shook her hand as if she were just another, regular person.
"Shall we go inside?" she offered still eyeing Sidney up and down in appraisal. It was obvious that she had no idea who he was or why he was here because I hadn't mentioned that I was bringing someone.
The inside of the house was exactly as I remembered it: colorless and stark because my Mother claimed that it made everything look clean. Rooms and furniture were always white and the only room I remembered having any color was my bedroom which I had been allowed to hire a decorator for and paint and decorate on my own.
"It's all white" I heard Sidney mutter beside me in disbelief. I noticed that his arm had settled around my waist protectively in a move that hadn't gone unnoticed by my Mother. Her eyebrow raised in appreciation and I could tell that even though she didn't know him, she approved of whatever type of relationship we did have together. Sidney was dressed nicely and looked clean cut enough to go to dinner at the country club. That was all that ever mattered to her in my choice of a mate.
"Where's Dad?" I asked stepping out of my shoes and watching Sid automatically do the same thing.
"He's late" was all that she said before turning and walking down the long hallway towards the kitchen. The shortness of her reply was further proof that they had recently fought about something and that the irritation was still fresh.
I tried to follow her into the kitchen but was stopped by Sidney's firm grip on my arm. Gentling his hold, he stood before me. "Everything okay?" he asked simply and I knew that the simple sentence was his method of reassurance in what was sure to be a stressful situation.
Since he already knew about my upbringing, logically in my mind, I knew that there was really nothing to hide from him about my dysfunctional other life. Still, it was embarrassing to let him see this other side of me and try to support me when I wasn't even sure what we were to each other anymore. Were we simply friends or were we still dating? Everything about this evening was starting without boundaries and I was already too rundown to try to start putting them up.
"Yeah" I told him expelling the breath I had been holding in and trying to relax. "Let's just go in and hope the dinner goes quickly." I squeezed his arm again to let him know that despite the circumstances of our relationship, I appreciated that he was here for me right now.
These may not be the most ideal circumstances for him to meet my parents but it did mean something that he was willing to stay here and suffer with me. He actually seemed kind of interested in all of this in a weird kind of way. His eyes kept grazing over the empty walls void of family photos or artwork and I knew that he was using a lot of his infamous willpower to keep his mouth shut from asking more questions about it.
He let me go and followed me down the hall into the kitchen where my Mom was unwrapping boxes of food from their plastic containers. Of course she hadn't actually cooked but I kept my mouth shut for fear of starting an argument prematurely.
"So what are we having?" I asked with the intention of helping her set out the food and set up. She waved me off and instructed both of us to sit down where I noticed only 3 table settings were laid out. Obviously something was big was up with my Dad. Even though they fought constantly and lived separate lives, he never blatantly skipped out on dinner before.
"I ordered from that Greek restaurant you like" my Mom answered setting food down in the center of the table. Sid and I were seated across from each other and his foot bumped mine under the table. When I looked up at him, his eyes were focused on me in a questioning gaze.
"I hope you like Mediterranean cuisine, Sidney" my Mom's voice interrupted our staring and prompted me to focus on the food in front of us instead.
Sid meanwhile produced one of his oh-so charming smiles and graciously told my Mom that he loved Greek food even though I knew that was a lie. It wasn't that he disliked Greek-type foods, it was just that he hardly ever ate stuff like that. He was more of a simple meat and potatoes guy and always ordered the same things when we ate out or cooked at each other's houses.
"So how long have you two been dating?" My Mom finally asked steering the conversation into a territory I was wary of. How did we even begin to answer that question when I wasn't entirely sure that we were still dating? Besides, I distinctly remembered telling him outside that we were friends. Just friends.
"Since New Years" Sidney answered beating me to the punch. Underneath the table his foot pressed down on mine in what I could tell was a warning. A warning for what exactly? I was the one who would be embarrassed by the real explanation, not him.
"Oh? That's interesting" My Mom answered in a way that I could tell wasn't actually all that interesting to her.
I ignored their casual conversation and focused my attention on the food in front of me. At least this was takeout from one of my favorite spots in Pittsburgh.
The rest of dinner was actually going okay except my Mom wouldn't let up about our relationship. She didn't seem to be interested in who he was or how big a deal he was to the outside world because of his career. She mainly just seemed concerned about why we were still together which was obviously a touchy subject for both of us to discuss. We couldn't even talk about it with each other so it was 10 times more difficult to talk about it to my own Mother who I wasn't even remotely close to.
It was almost comical watching the dinner unfold before me when I compared it to how spending time with Sidney's family had been. That had been sweet and normal. His family was welcoming and warm whereas mine was sterile and non-existent considering my Dad wasn't even present.
"So where's Dad at?" I asked blatantly cutting off Sidney's explanation of where Cole Harbor is in Canada.
Turning her attention to me slowly, my Mother made it clear that she was not pleased with my interruption. "He was detained" she said simply, drawing out the word detained like a villain in a Disney movie.
"What does that mean?" I asked ignoring Sid's kick into my shin from under the table. He was quickly picking up on the sudden tension between us in the room and sent me a look that said "drop it." The thing was, I couldn't drop the subject. She had been playing perfect hostess to us all evening and it was flat out weird and irritating that my Dad wasn't here to suffer through the ordeal with us.
Plus it hurt not to have him here. We hardly ever saw each other and this was one easy thing he could have come to just to catch up with me and physically see me. Didn't he care about seeing his daughter more than once a year?
"It means that he's not coming" she answered again shortly. "Just let it go, Emma." I tried to open my mouth again but she cut me off before I could agree with her or say something to the contrary.
"He's decided that his fiance and her family are more pressing than you and I are so I requested that he refrain from stopping by this evening."
Out of complete surprise, my fork clattered to my plate before I even realized that I had let go of it. His fiance??? How could he have a fiance when he was still technically married to my own mother?
"We've filed for divorce already" she answered my question calmly and without any remorse or feeling in her voice. "It happened about a month ago."
I felt like a car had just run over me and then reversed itself on me again. How had this been happening without them even bothering to pick up the phone and tell me about it. I wasn't naive, I knew that they were separated and married by name only but it was kind of a big deal that they were finally divorcing and going their separate ways. How could they not tell their only daughter this? What was worse, my Dad was happily making plans to settle down with a new family and hadn't even bothered to properly ditch his old one!
I couldn't form enough words to convey how much I absolutely hated my parents in that minute and half that it took me to fully digest her words. In my mind, they didn't even seem like my parents anymore. They were just two people who had been coming and going in my life for as long as I could remember and assuming the title of parent whenever it was convenient for them. They had never been physically or emotionally supportive of me, just financially supportive. It seemed like they didn't even like me half of the time, they just tolerated me because I had been expelled from my Mother's womb and miraculously conceived.
They sure as hell didn't respect me if neither or them couldn't be bothered to at least tell me what was going on with them when something important like this happened. It made me wonder if they were ever planning on telling me in the first place or if it simply slipped both of their minds.
I had been sitting silently for a few minutes trying to come to grips with all of this new information when I felt Sidney rub my foot with his soothingly. He was silently begging me to say something responsive but I knew that I couldn't form words to either of them. I was at a complete loss about what to say to her. Did I apologize? Did we commiserate about what an old bastard he was all along anyway? Did she even want or care about support from me?
Instead I excused myself and went to the bathroom where I greedily gulped in air like I had been swimming underwater for too long. My chest felt so hollow and I was so suddenly so exhausted that I could have curled up on the tile in the bathroom and slept for days.
"Hey" Sid's voice spoke behind me, watching me splash cold water onto my face. I didn't care about what my makeup looked like at this point, I just needed to keep soaking my face to keep from breaking down and crying. Crying right now would surely be worse than having smudged makeup.
I toweled off my face and tried to pinch my cheeks to bring more color back into them. All the while Sidney was watching me silently, trying to judge what my next move would be. I wanted to know what he was thinking but was almost afraid to ask because I didn't want anything remotely close to pity from him either.
"Come here" he instructed, willing me to step into his arms. He pulled me tighter into his chest and rested his head on mine, giving me the support I needed. I needed him to hold me together and the binding of his arms around my body felt like he was holding everything in place so that I couldn't fall to pieces on the ground.
He whispered soothing things to me that I couldn't understand with my face pressed so tightly into his chest. He continued to hold me until he eased back a little bit and look down at me.
"Come on" he said pulling me from my hiding space in the bathroom. I tried to refuse but he was insistent and shook his head. "I'm not sitting here for the rest of the night and letting her upset you like this. I can't watch her treat you like shit."
Firmly gripping my hand, we walked into the kitchen where my Mom was cleaning up dishes and getting rid of the food that we hadn't finished eating. Her back was to us but Sidney gently prodded me to say something.
"Mom, we're gonna go." She turned giving us both veiled looks but nodded like she wasn't entirely surprised.
"Let's do this again soon" she offered patting my shoulder and giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. She did the same to Sidney and stepped back putting distance between us once again. I didn't think that we would be doing this again any time soon but nodded anyway knowing that this was just part of the game with her.
The weird thing was, leaving was was surprisingly easy after that. She turned around and continued to clean dishes giving us both permission to leave without making anything more messy or complicated than it already was. I tried to feel something leaving but was amazed when I felt nothing short of relief as Sidney led me out to the car and pushed me into sitting on the passenger side so that he could drive home instead.
After adjusting the seat for his height, his hand reached over for mine and intertwined our fingers together while he drove. He didn't try to make conversation or press me to talk about the evening when I didn't want him to and I was grateful that we could just sit and be quiet together so that I didn't have to think anymore.
When we finally arrived back at my house, I was relieved that the night was finally over and that I would be able to just go to sleep and forget that the evening had ever happened. I full expected Sidney to just leave and want to go home after the train wreck that he had just witnessed but he surprised me by leading me to the door and helping me make sure that my house was locked up for the night.
I wasn't sure what we were doing and I wasn't really up for any of the options either. Did we talk? Did he try to make me feel better with his Sidney Crosby logic and optimism for impossibly bad situations?
Instead he asked if he could stay the night. "I want to stay with you" he said when I stared at him in surprise.
"Look, Sidney I appreciate everything that you've done tonight but I'm not sure that's a good idea right now."
He waved off my protests and pulled me in front of him by the shoulders. "I don't want us to talk or anything, I just want to stay the night and make sure that you're okay. You need someone to be here so that you're not alone" he stressed looking down at me determinedly.
"Okay" I agreed allowing him to follow me up the stairs to my room. Without saying anything more, we both stepped out of our shoes and clothes and got ready for bed. He didn't let me linger over whether or not it would be weird to cuddle up against him like I normally did and pulled me over to him as soon as we both crawled into bed.
"Do you have to go anywhere tomorrow morning?" I asked moving slightly to set the alarm just in case.
"No, just go to sleep" he murmured already sounding drowsy.
Minutes later I assumed that he was already out when he whispered, "I can't promise that we won't talk tomorrow. There's a lot that we need to sort out."
Before I could ask him what that meant exactly he let out a soft snore indicating that his sleep was for real this time.
But first, a refresher from the last chapter:
"I'm going with you to dinner at your parents" he stated looking at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Reaching forward to grasp my arm firmly in his hand, he pulled me closer as he attempted to herd me out the front door like some belligerent sheep in need of forceful guiding. Against the disadvantage of my skinny high heels and Sid's strength, I almost toppled after him before I managed to dig my heels in and hold my ground.
Now I knew for sure: I was going to kill Max and Eliza Talbot. Then get to Sidney next.
****
Years later, I would come to regret not physically hurting Sid as much as he was emotionally hurting me in the next few moments outside of his car.
In those moments, he was everything that I characteristically hated about a person. Pushy, overbearing, arrogant and oddly enough, trying to grovel at the same time. If there was one emotional action that I couldn't bear, it was grovelling. What's the point? You only make the person that you're apologizing to uncomfortable and you also look like a huge fool in the process. It's demeaning to humankind and equally demeaning to be on the receiving end of it.
"Just get in the car" Sidney stated gesturing towards the open passenger door. When I raised my eyebrow at him in refusal and with a 'you've got to be kidding me' attitude, he pleaded. "Please, just get in and we'll talk on the way."
He wasn't going to give up but neither was I. If I was going anywhere, it certainly wasn't going to be in his car. He would decide that we needed to talk. He would drive us. He would continue to make decisions for the both of us and slowly drive me insane until I could barely recognize myself anymore. It was utterly maddening.
"No" I told him ignoring the look of exasperation on his face. "If we go anywhere together, I'm driving us." With that I turned on my heel and he didn't try to grab me and pull me back. I walked to my car parked next to his in the driveway and unlocked the doors not really caring if he was joining me or not.
Silently, he locked up his car and pocketed the keys while opening the passenger door of my much smaller car. All he said was a simple "Okay" before I started the engine and backed out of my driveway.
I was distressingly off schedule and not looking forward to the disapproving looks of my mother while she complained about having to have the Chef hold dinner while they waited around for me. Never mind that the real reason she was always such a stickler for time was that she couldn't bear to spend any more time with her husband unattended than was necessary.
"So can we talk?" Sidney spoke up first, breaking the chilly silence between us in the car.
"I don't know if that's such a good idea" I responded silently considering just leaving him by the side of the road. I knew that our problems weren't entirely one sided. With him and I, it was never just one person's fault, usually it was a combination of both of our problems snowballing into one big mess.
"Why not?" he asked frowning.
"Because we're about to go to my parent's house for dinner and I can't decide which is worse: talking about our relationship right now or the prospect of having a dinner at home. So no, I don't really want to talk right now."
Sighing agitatedly, he dropped the subject and stretched his legs out uncomfortably. It was a classic Sidney's annoyed action and it made me feel slightly better to see him so obviously off balance by my unwillingness to slap a smile on my face and forgive him.
I spent the rest of the drive trying to relax and center my mind before going into what I lovingly referred to as the Lion's Den. That alone spoke volumes about how happy and loving the home I had grown up in was.
After another 15 minutes of quiet driving, we finally pulled onto the street of the stately neighborhood of my youth. Big trees shaded the road with large brick homes facing each other on each side of the street. It was all seemingly normal at the facade.
"This is where you grew up?" Sidney asked looking at all of the similar houses neatly lined up and down the street. I nodded and he snorted like something was amusing him.
"What?" I asked wondering what was so funny.
"Nothing" he grinned. "It's just nothing like Cole Harbor is all."
Well no shit, Sidney. You had a normal, happy childhood while I didn't. Obviously this tiny section of Fox Chapel was world's away from the supportive town that had fostered Sidney's career. Instead of snapping at him like I wanted to, I kept my mouth shut and continued to drive.
I turned off the street and pulled into one of the largest homes on the street. I parked the car behind my Mother's new Jag noting that my Father's car wasn't there yet. Smart man- he probably knew that I would be a few minutes late and didn't want to be there with my Mother either.
"Hey, hey stop a second" Sidney said jogging up to me and taking my hand in his.
My nerves were already starting to hum in anticipation of time spent with my family and his hand added more sparks and tension.
"What are we when we walk in there?" he asked gently gripping my hand in his.
"You're my friend" I told him decidedly. I wasn't going to fake it to anyone and tell my parents that we were happily dating and in love. It would just be a sham and it would hurt much later on when I was finally alone.
He rolled his eyes at the use of the word "friend." "You know we're not just friends" he told me suddenly pulling me much closer to his body.
Before I could answer, the front door swung open and my Mother stepped out onto the front steps excitedly saying my name but keeping her eyes pinned on Sidney curiously.
"Hi Mom" I stepped out of Sidney's grasp and walked forward to accept her air-kisses on both cheeks in the European style she was so accustomed to.
"And who's this?" she smiled holding her hand out for Sidney to kiss. Of course, him being him, he interpreted her extended hand as an offered handshake. Even if tonight was going to be a disaster, it was so worth it to see the expression on her face as Sidney brusquely shook her hand as if she were just another, regular person.
"Shall we go inside?" she offered still eyeing Sidney up and down in appraisal. It was obvious that she had no idea who he was or why he was here because I hadn't mentioned that I was bringing someone.
The inside of the house was exactly as I remembered it: colorless and stark because my Mother claimed that it made everything look clean. Rooms and furniture were always white and the only room I remembered having any color was my bedroom which I had been allowed to hire a decorator for and paint and decorate on my own.
"It's all white" I heard Sidney mutter beside me in disbelief. I noticed that his arm had settled around my waist protectively in a move that hadn't gone unnoticed by my Mother. Her eyebrow raised in appreciation and I could tell that even though she didn't know him, she approved of whatever type of relationship we did have together. Sidney was dressed nicely and looked clean cut enough to go to dinner at the country club. That was all that ever mattered to her in my choice of a mate.
"Where's Dad?" I asked stepping out of my shoes and watching Sid automatically do the same thing.
"He's late" was all that she said before turning and walking down the long hallway towards the kitchen. The shortness of her reply was further proof that they had recently fought about something and that the irritation was still fresh.
I tried to follow her into the kitchen but was stopped by Sidney's firm grip on my arm. Gentling his hold, he stood before me. "Everything okay?" he asked simply and I knew that the simple sentence was his method of reassurance in what was sure to be a stressful situation.
Since he already knew about my upbringing, logically in my mind, I knew that there was really nothing to hide from him about my dysfunctional other life. Still, it was embarrassing to let him see this other side of me and try to support me when I wasn't even sure what we were to each other anymore. Were we simply friends or were we still dating? Everything about this evening was starting without boundaries and I was already too rundown to try to start putting them up.
"Yeah" I told him expelling the breath I had been holding in and trying to relax. "Let's just go in and hope the dinner goes quickly." I squeezed his arm again to let him know that despite the circumstances of our relationship, I appreciated that he was here for me right now.
These may not be the most ideal circumstances for him to meet my parents but it did mean something that he was willing to stay here and suffer with me. He actually seemed kind of interested in all of this in a weird kind of way. His eyes kept grazing over the empty walls void of family photos or artwork and I knew that he was using a lot of his infamous willpower to keep his mouth shut from asking more questions about it.
He let me go and followed me down the hall into the kitchen where my Mom was unwrapping boxes of food from their plastic containers. Of course she hadn't actually cooked but I kept my mouth shut for fear of starting an argument prematurely.
"So what are we having?" I asked with the intention of helping her set out the food and set up. She waved me off and instructed both of us to sit down where I noticed only 3 table settings were laid out. Obviously something was big was up with my Dad. Even though they fought constantly and lived separate lives, he never blatantly skipped out on dinner before.
"I ordered from that Greek restaurant you like" my Mom answered setting food down in the center of the table. Sid and I were seated across from each other and his foot bumped mine under the table. When I looked up at him, his eyes were focused on me in a questioning gaze.
"I hope you like Mediterranean cuisine, Sidney" my Mom's voice interrupted our staring and prompted me to focus on the food in front of us instead.
Sid meanwhile produced one of his oh-so charming smiles and graciously told my Mom that he loved Greek food even though I knew that was a lie. It wasn't that he disliked Greek-type foods, it was just that he hardly ever ate stuff like that. He was more of a simple meat and potatoes guy and always ordered the same things when we ate out or cooked at each other's houses.
"So how long have you two been dating?" My Mom finally asked steering the conversation into a territory I was wary of. How did we even begin to answer that question when I wasn't entirely sure that we were still dating? Besides, I distinctly remembered telling him outside that we were friends. Just friends.
"Since New Years" Sidney answered beating me to the punch. Underneath the table his foot pressed down on mine in what I could tell was a warning. A warning for what exactly? I was the one who would be embarrassed by the real explanation, not him.
"Oh? That's interesting" My Mom answered in a way that I could tell wasn't actually all that interesting to her.
I ignored their casual conversation and focused my attention on the food in front of me. At least this was takeout from one of my favorite spots in Pittsburgh.
The rest of dinner was actually going okay except my Mom wouldn't let up about our relationship. She didn't seem to be interested in who he was or how big a deal he was to the outside world because of his career. She mainly just seemed concerned about why we were still together which was obviously a touchy subject for both of us to discuss. We couldn't even talk about it with each other so it was 10 times more difficult to talk about it to my own Mother who I wasn't even remotely close to.
It was almost comical watching the dinner unfold before me when I compared it to how spending time with Sidney's family had been. That had been sweet and normal. His family was welcoming and warm whereas mine was sterile and non-existent considering my Dad wasn't even present.
"So where's Dad at?" I asked blatantly cutting off Sidney's explanation of where Cole Harbor is in Canada.
Turning her attention to me slowly, my Mother made it clear that she was not pleased with my interruption. "He was detained" she said simply, drawing out the word detained like a villain in a Disney movie.
"What does that mean?" I asked ignoring Sid's kick into my shin from under the table. He was quickly picking up on the sudden tension between us in the room and sent me a look that said "drop it." The thing was, I couldn't drop the subject. She had been playing perfect hostess to us all evening and it was flat out weird and irritating that my Dad wasn't here to suffer through the ordeal with us.
Plus it hurt not to have him here. We hardly ever saw each other and this was one easy thing he could have come to just to catch up with me and physically see me. Didn't he care about seeing his daughter more than once a year?
"It means that he's not coming" she answered again shortly. "Just let it go, Emma." I tried to open my mouth again but she cut me off before I could agree with her or say something to the contrary.
"He's decided that his fiance and her family are more pressing than you and I are so I requested that he refrain from stopping by this evening."
Out of complete surprise, my fork clattered to my plate before I even realized that I had let go of it. His fiance??? How could he have a fiance when he was still technically married to my own mother?
"We've filed for divorce already" she answered my question calmly and without any remorse or feeling in her voice. "It happened about a month ago."
I felt like a car had just run over me and then reversed itself on me again. How had this been happening without them even bothering to pick up the phone and tell me about it. I wasn't naive, I knew that they were separated and married by name only but it was kind of a big deal that they were finally divorcing and going their separate ways. How could they not tell their only daughter this? What was worse, my Dad was happily making plans to settle down with a new family and hadn't even bothered to properly ditch his old one!
I couldn't form enough words to convey how much I absolutely hated my parents in that minute and half that it took me to fully digest her words. In my mind, they didn't even seem like my parents anymore. They were just two people who had been coming and going in my life for as long as I could remember and assuming the title of parent whenever it was convenient for them. They had never been physically or emotionally supportive of me, just financially supportive. It seemed like they didn't even like me half of the time, they just tolerated me because I had been expelled from my Mother's womb and miraculously conceived.
They sure as hell didn't respect me if neither or them couldn't be bothered to at least tell me what was going on with them when something important like this happened. It made me wonder if they were ever planning on telling me in the first place or if it simply slipped both of their minds.
I had been sitting silently for a few minutes trying to come to grips with all of this new information when I felt Sidney rub my foot with his soothingly. He was silently begging me to say something responsive but I knew that I couldn't form words to either of them. I was at a complete loss about what to say to her. Did I apologize? Did we commiserate about what an old bastard he was all along anyway? Did she even want or care about support from me?
Instead I excused myself and went to the bathroom where I greedily gulped in air like I had been swimming underwater for too long. My chest felt so hollow and I was so suddenly so exhausted that I could have curled up on the tile in the bathroom and slept for days.
"Hey" Sid's voice spoke behind me, watching me splash cold water onto my face. I didn't care about what my makeup looked like at this point, I just needed to keep soaking my face to keep from breaking down and crying. Crying right now would surely be worse than having smudged makeup.
I toweled off my face and tried to pinch my cheeks to bring more color back into them. All the while Sidney was watching me silently, trying to judge what my next move would be. I wanted to know what he was thinking but was almost afraid to ask because I didn't want anything remotely close to pity from him either.
"Come here" he instructed, willing me to step into his arms. He pulled me tighter into his chest and rested his head on mine, giving me the support I needed. I needed him to hold me together and the binding of his arms around my body felt like he was holding everything in place so that I couldn't fall to pieces on the ground.
He whispered soothing things to me that I couldn't understand with my face pressed so tightly into his chest. He continued to hold me until he eased back a little bit and look down at me.
"Come on" he said pulling me from my hiding space in the bathroom. I tried to refuse but he was insistent and shook his head. "I'm not sitting here for the rest of the night and letting her upset you like this. I can't watch her treat you like shit."
Firmly gripping my hand, we walked into the kitchen where my Mom was cleaning up dishes and getting rid of the food that we hadn't finished eating. Her back was to us but Sidney gently prodded me to say something.
"Mom, we're gonna go." She turned giving us both veiled looks but nodded like she wasn't entirely surprised.
"Let's do this again soon" she offered patting my shoulder and giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. She did the same to Sidney and stepped back putting distance between us once again. I didn't think that we would be doing this again any time soon but nodded anyway knowing that this was just part of the game with her.
The weird thing was, leaving was was surprisingly easy after that. She turned around and continued to clean dishes giving us both permission to leave without making anything more messy or complicated than it already was. I tried to feel something leaving but was amazed when I felt nothing short of relief as Sidney led me out to the car and pushed me into sitting on the passenger side so that he could drive home instead.
After adjusting the seat for his height, his hand reached over for mine and intertwined our fingers together while he drove. He didn't try to make conversation or press me to talk about the evening when I didn't want him to and I was grateful that we could just sit and be quiet together so that I didn't have to think anymore.
When we finally arrived back at my house, I was relieved that the night was finally over and that I would be able to just go to sleep and forget that the evening had ever happened. I full expected Sidney to just leave and want to go home after the train wreck that he had just witnessed but he surprised me by leading me to the door and helping me make sure that my house was locked up for the night.
I wasn't sure what we were doing and I wasn't really up for any of the options either. Did we talk? Did he try to make me feel better with his Sidney Crosby logic and optimism for impossibly bad situations?
Instead he asked if he could stay the night. "I want to stay with you" he said when I stared at him in surprise.
"Look, Sidney I appreciate everything that you've done tonight but I'm not sure that's a good idea right now."
He waved off my protests and pulled me in front of him by the shoulders. "I don't want us to talk or anything, I just want to stay the night and make sure that you're okay. You need someone to be here so that you're not alone" he stressed looking down at me determinedly.
"Okay" I agreed allowing him to follow me up the stairs to my room. Without saying anything more, we both stepped out of our shoes and clothes and got ready for bed. He didn't let me linger over whether or not it would be weird to cuddle up against him like I normally did and pulled me over to him as soon as we both crawled into bed.
"Do you have to go anywhere tomorrow morning?" I asked moving slightly to set the alarm just in case.
"No, just go to sleep" he murmured already sounding drowsy.
Minutes later I assumed that he was already out when he whispered, "I can't promise that we won't talk tomorrow. There's a lot that we need to sort out."
Before I could ask him what that meant exactly he let out a soft snore indicating that his sleep was for real this time.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Chapter 39
I hope you all don't feel like the next few chapters are too clichéd but they are fun to write so I am going ahead with it anyway! Also, it's almost been a year since I started writing on this rusty old blog with my first story so I felt compelled to be a little ridiculous :)
This one's short but necessary.
Emma's POV:
By the end of the week, I was so grateful that it was the weekend. Not in that typical way of feeling happy for Friday but in the desperate, grateful way of feeling happy that it was finally Friday. Eliza had even sent me a "Thank Fucking God It's Friday" email with distracting pictures of adorable baby animals to look at in commemeration of the blissful day.
All of the Pens' offices had been especially busy this week as the regular season was dwindling down and the players were getting ready for another run at the Playoffs. Everything was so crazy that I probably would have been feeling overwhelmed by now if I hadn't been devoting all of my time to my work and staying ahead on my work. It was easier than facing the truth that Sidney and I were over and that I had been a coward the whole time by not confronting him earlier or stopping him before he walked out the door.
You had to basically have a good set of cajones on you if you were going to date Sidney Crosby and suddenly, I wasn't so sure that I was the best woman for the job. I just hoped that in time, we could eventually be friends again. Over the past couple of years, he had been one of my best friends and if I had to lose him as a lover, I didn't want to lose him as a friend.
To top off all of the craziness, I was having dinner with my parents tomorrow at their palatial home in Fox Chapel. It was weird that they both wanted to be in the same place at the same time in the home that I had partially grown up in but my Mother insisted that we were going to have a "nice family dinner."
Still, I was a big girl now. I could handle both of them and honestly, it wasn't like my week could get any worse at this point.
"Knock, knock!" I looked up at the familiar voice at my door and grinned.
"Hey, Max. What brings you here?"
"Oh you know, just to chat." He grinned a shit eating smile at me and I wasn't fooled by it. He and several others had been "subtly" checking up on me throughout the week and while it was touching, it was now bordering on disruptive. Didn't they all have hockey to play? They were either genuinely worried, or Sidney was sending them up to check on me. If that was the case, then it kind of pissed me off.
"To chat, or to check up on me because a certain Captain told you to check up on me?"
Max at least had the decency to try to look offended before he sighed and plopped down in one of the chairs facing my desk. "Yeah, okay. He sent me. But that doesn't mean that I don't care!"
"Whatever" I said smiling. "I just hope you realize that you're truly a minion now. Did he pay you or something?"
"Please," he said snorting. "Him looking and acting pathetic is enough. I just feel sorry for him."
I nodded and continued to sort through papers on my desk that didn't need to be sorted through. All joking aside, this wasn't the most comfortable subject to be discussing with Sidney's best friend and I wasn't quite sure what he wanted from me. Did he want me to say that I was feeling and acting pathetically too? Did he want me to be in despair so that he could report back to Sid? I did have enough dignity to prevent myself from sinking that low.
"Well you can tell your fearless leader that I'm doing just fine" I finally spoke up. Even if it was petty, I wanted Sid to think that I was fine.
"Bullshit" Max said crossing one leg across his thigh casually. "He's a wreck, you're not looking too great, so why not call each other and just get the inevitable makeup over with?"
I took a deep breath and tried not to feel irritated and let it show. "It's not that simple" I said honestly. It just wasn't and if he thought that it was, then he was blinded by his own perfect relationship with Eliza.
"Well, it should be that simple. It's obvious that he's crazy about you and normally I would think that's great except for the fact that he can't play hockey anymore." Max emphasized this part and looked at me pointedly like he was actually going to blame me for Sid's recent playing behavior.
I knew that he was trying to bait me into doing something but unfortunately for him, it wasn't working. I had a lot on my plate and couldn't deal with him at the moment- especially with the upcoming dinner with my parents to think about.
"Just drop it, please Max" I begged willing him to either change the subject or leave my office altogether. What happened to having him feel bad for me? I knew that Sid was his best friend but that didn't mean that he got to lay into me either.
"Okay, okay" he said holding his hands up in defeat. "I just want you two to stop being so damn stubborn."
I wanted to point out that it wasn't actually an issue about who or who wasn't stubborn, but instead I nodded and tried to act like I was fully absorbed in my work so that he would just leave me alone. Eventually after a few minutes of small talk, he left me alone and said goodbye, shutting the door quietly behind him.
The next morning, I got up early and went for a long hike to clear my mind and force myself to do something other than watch TV or work on my laptop. I was starting to go a little crazy from being indoors all of the time, only getting air when I walked to and from my car. Still on a high from the endorphins after my hike, I fit in a quick yoga session at the YMCA in one of their classes. By noon, I was so relaxed and tired from all of the physical exertion that I almost managed to forget what lay ahead of me that night.
I managed to fit in a nap for an hour before beginning the laborous task of getting physically ready to present myself to my Mother. For the special occasion, I picked out the same plum dress that I had worn the night of my first big charity and a cardigan to put over it for modesty's sake. I made sure that my toes and nails were freshly buffed and painted remembering that no small beauty detail would go unnoticed (or uncriticized) by her. With my hair freshly curled and my entire person plucked, tweezed and moisturized, I slipped into my heels and made my way downstairs. I had about 20 minutes before I had to leave and I decided to burn off nervous energy by cleaning up dishes from the previous night and loading the dishwasher.
Mid-scrub, the doorbell rang surprising me into almost dropping a skillet. I wasn't expecting anyone and it was too late for those door to door people to still be going around. Like the Mormons trying to sell me another Bible. Were there even that many Mormons in Pittsburgh?
I was astonished to see the person who was actually standing on my stoop and who most certainly was not going to try to sell me a Bible.
"What are you doing here?" I blurted out before I could stop myself.
"I'm coming in" Sid said pushing his shoulder through the door and practically knocking me down with his determination.
"What?" I couldn't get past the sight of him actually standing and breathing in my home after he had marched out last week. "What the hell are you doing here right now?"
"We have to talk" he said firmly. Dumbfounded and annoyed by the extent of his arrogance, I shut the door behind him and turned to face him with my hands on my hips. He had some explaining to do.
"Talk about what? Why are you dressed like that?" For the first time that he barged through my door, I became aware of how dressy he was for a confrontation in my home. He was wearing tan slacks, his fancy shoes that he only wore for important press conferences and a collared shirt. It was strange to see him like this when usually when we hung out, he was in sweats.
"I need to talk to you" he said taking off his shoes and leaving them by the front door out of habit. It seemed that his manners were ingrained in him even while we were in the middle of an argument.
"We had all week to talk" I told him picking up his shoes and shoving them back at him. "Now don't be getting comfortable, I have to leave."
He took his shoes back and dropped them to the floor to put them on. "I know, I'm going with you."
Uh, what? Under no circumstances would we be going anywhere. Especially where I was about to go.
"What are you talking about? You can't go with me!" An idea was slowly forming in my head and if my instinct was right, I was going to have to kill someone. Specifically two people who both had the last name Talbot. They weren't supposed to meddle or disclose any information that I told them- especially Eliza! She was supposed to be my friend, one of my best friends and best friends did not go around giving out information like this.
"I'm going with you to dinner at your parents" he stated looking at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Reaching forward to grasp my arm firmly in his hand, he pulled me closer as he attempted to herd me out the front door like some belligerent sheep in need of forceful guiding. Against the disadvantage of my skinny high heels and Sid's strength, I almost toppled after him before I managed to dig my heels in and hold my ground.
Now I knew for sure: I was going to kill Max and Eliza Talbot. Then get to Sidney next.
This one's short but necessary.
Emma's POV:
By the end of the week, I was so grateful that it was the weekend. Not in that typical way of feeling happy for Friday but in the desperate, grateful way of feeling happy that it was finally Friday. Eliza had even sent me a "Thank Fucking God It's Friday" email with distracting pictures of adorable baby animals to look at in commemeration of the blissful day.
All of the Pens' offices had been especially busy this week as the regular season was dwindling down and the players were getting ready for another run at the Playoffs. Everything was so crazy that I probably would have been feeling overwhelmed by now if I hadn't been devoting all of my time to my work and staying ahead on my work. It was easier than facing the truth that Sidney and I were over and that I had been a coward the whole time by not confronting him earlier or stopping him before he walked out the door.
You had to basically have a good set of cajones on you if you were going to date Sidney Crosby and suddenly, I wasn't so sure that I was the best woman for the job. I just hoped that in time, we could eventually be friends again. Over the past couple of years, he had been one of my best friends and if I had to lose him as a lover, I didn't want to lose him as a friend.
To top off all of the craziness, I was having dinner with my parents tomorrow at their palatial home in Fox Chapel. It was weird that they both wanted to be in the same place at the same time in the home that I had partially grown up in but my Mother insisted that we were going to have a "nice family dinner."
Still, I was a big girl now. I could handle both of them and honestly, it wasn't like my week could get any worse at this point.
"Knock, knock!" I looked up at the familiar voice at my door and grinned.
"Hey, Max. What brings you here?"
"Oh you know, just to chat." He grinned a shit eating smile at me and I wasn't fooled by it. He and several others had been "subtly" checking up on me throughout the week and while it was touching, it was now bordering on disruptive. Didn't they all have hockey to play? They were either genuinely worried, or Sidney was sending them up to check on me. If that was the case, then it kind of pissed me off.
"To chat, or to check up on me because a certain Captain told you to check up on me?"
Max at least had the decency to try to look offended before he sighed and plopped down in one of the chairs facing my desk. "Yeah, okay. He sent me. But that doesn't mean that I don't care!"
"Whatever" I said smiling. "I just hope you realize that you're truly a minion now. Did he pay you or something?"
"Please," he said snorting. "Him looking and acting pathetic is enough. I just feel sorry for him."
I nodded and continued to sort through papers on my desk that didn't need to be sorted through. All joking aside, this wasn't the most comfortable subject to be discussing with Sidney's best friend and I wasn't quite sure what he wanted from me. Did he want me to say that I was feeling and acting pathetically too? Did he want me to be in despair so that he could report back to Sid? I did have enough dignity to prevent myself from sinking that low.
"Well you can tell your fearless leader that I'm doing just fine" I finally spoke up. Even if it was petty, I wanted Sid to think that I was fine.
"Bullshit" Max said crossing one leg across his thigh casually. "He's a wreck, you're not looking too great, so why not call each other and just get the inevitable makeup over with?"
I took a deep breath and tried not to feel irritated and let it show. "It's not that simple" I said honestly. It just wasn't and if he thought that it was, then he was blinded by his own perfect relationship with Eliza.
"Well, it should be that simple. It's obvious that he's crazy about you and normally I would think that's great except for the fact that he can't play hockey anymore." Max emphasized this part and looked at me pointedly like he was actually going to blame me for Sid's recent playing behavior.
I knew that he was trying to bait me into doing something but unfortunately for him, it wasn't working. I had a lot on my plate and couldn't deal with him at the moment- especially with the upcoming dinner with my parents to think about.
"Just drop it, please Max" I begged willing him to either change the subject or leave my office altogether. What happened to having him feel bad for me? I knew that Sid was his best friend but that didn't mean that he got to lay into me either.
"Okay, okay" he said holding his hands up in defeat. "I just want you two to stop being so damn stubborn."
I wanted to point out that it wasn't actually an issue about who or who wasn't stubborn, but instead I nodded and tried to act like I was fully absorbed in my work so that he would just leave me alone. Eventually after a few minutes of small talk, he left me alone and said goodbye, shutting the door quietly behind him.
The next morning, I got up early and went for a long hike to clear my mind and force myself to do something other than watch TV or work on my laptop. I was starting to go a little crazy from being indoors all of the time, only getting air when I walked to and from my car. Still on a high from the endorphins after my hike, I fit in a quick yoga session at the YMCA in one of their classes. By noon, I was so relaxed and tired from all of the physical exertion that I almost managed to forget what lay ahead of me that night.
I managed to fit in a nap for an hour before beginning the laborous task of getting physically ready to present myself to my Mother. For the special occasion, I picked out the same plum dress that I had worn the night of my first big charity and a cardigan to put over it for modesty's sake. I made sure that my toes and nails were freshly buffed and painted remembering that no small beauty detail would go unnoticed (or uncriticized) by her. With my hair freshly curled and my entire person plucked, tweezed and moisturized, I slipped into my heels and made my way downstairs. I had about 20 minutes before I had to leave and I decided to burn off nervous energy by cleaning up dishes from the previous night and loading the dishwasher.
Mid-scrub, the doorbell rang surprising me into almost dropping a skillet. I wasn't expecting anyone and it was too late for those door to door people to still be going around. Like the Mormons trying to sell me another Bible. Were there even that many Mormons in Pittsburgh?
I was astonished to see the person who was actually standing on my stoop and who most certainly was not going to try to sell me a Bible.
"What are you doing here?" I blurted out before I could stop myself.
"I'm coming in" Sid said pushing his shoulder through the door and practically knocking me down with his determination.
"What?" I couldn't get past the sight of him actually standing and breathing in my home after he had marched out last week. "What the hell are you doing here right now?"
"We have to talk" he said firmly. Dumbfounded and annoyed by the extent of his arrogance, I shut the door behind him and turned to face him with my hands on my hips. He had some explaining to do.
"Talk about what? Why are you dressed like that?" For the first time that he barged through my door, I became aware of how dressy he was for a confrontation in my home. He was wearing tan slacks, his fancy shoes that he only wore for important press conferences and a collared shirt. It was strange to see him like this when usually when we hung out, he was in sweats.
"I need to talk to you" he said taking off his shoes and leaving them by the front door out of habit. It seemed that his manners were ingrained in him even while we were in the middle of an argument.
"We had all week to talk" I told him picking up his shoes and shoving them back at him. "Now don't be getting comfortable, I have to leave."
He took his shoes back and dropped them to the floor to put them on. "I know, I'm going with you."
Uh, what? Under no circumstances would we be going anywhere. Especially where I was about to go.
"What are you talking about? You can't go with me!" An idea was slowly forming in my head and if my instinct was right, I was going to have to kill someone. Specifically two people who both had the last name Talbot. They weren't supposed to meddle or disclose any information that I told them- especially Eliza! She was supposed to be my friend, one of my best friends and best friends did not go around giving out information like this.
"I'm going with you to dinner at your parents" he stated looking at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Reaching forward to grasp my arm firmly in his hand, he pulled me closer as he attempted to herd me out the front door like some belligerent sheep in need of forceful guiding. Against the disadvantage of my skinny high heels and Sid's strength, I almost toppled after him before I managed to dig my heels in and hold my ground.
Now I knew for sure: I was going to kill Max and Eliza Talbot. Then get to Sidney next.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Chapter 38
So this summer has started to be a little bit more crazy than I originally anticipated (unfortunately) which explains my lack of updates and the breaking of promises. I hope you guys like this one because as I mentioned a few chapters ago, I foresee this story ending sometime soon, I just need to make sure that I get it right. Hope you like it!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Chapter 37
Emma's POV:
When my cell rang the next morning, I didn't even bother to check who it was before I waited for it to shut off so that I could go back to sleep. I didn't usually sleep in late on weekends but this seemed like a good weekend to start becoming one of those people that literally stay in all day on a Saturday and sit around wearing my PJs.
When the doorbell rang twice, I groaned realizing that I wasn't going to have the chance to be one of those people.
I was just belting my robe when I saw the shadow of Sidney standing on my stoop and waiting patiently in front of the door. I opened it before he could ring the doorbell again.
"Hey" he said dropping his arm and stepping forward to kiss me. I turned my head just in time for him to get nothing but cheek. To say that I was shocked and a little uncomfortable to see him was an understatement.
"Sid, what are you doing here?" I asked taking a step back but not sure if I actually wanted him to come inside or not. If he came in, that meant that I would have to actually talk to him. That also meant that I would also have to find a way to shoo him along. Maybe I could deal with him on Monday, just not today. Today I needed time to myself to decide what I wanted to do about him and try to brace myself for next weekends impending disaster dinner with my parents.
He smiled broadly at me and pulled me close still obviously thinking that everything was peachy keen with us.
"Hey" he said pulling back from his second attempt to kiss me. "What's going on? Are you okay?"
Suddenly I had a lump in my throat. This seemed like the perfect opportunity to speak up and finally tell him that I found our relationship to be ridiculously flawed (last night as the ultimate example) and that we really needed to set out ground rules if we were going to make anything other than friendship work.
Of course I choked.
"No, everything's okay, I'm just surprised is all" I lied taking another step back. He followed me into the kitchen where I set about making coffee. Maybe the caffeine would give me the courage I needed to confront him.
Why was it so ridiculously hard to confront this man? I was head over heels for him but I couldn't be honest and speak my mind with him now all of the sudden? When I actually had the freaking chance?
He stepped around me and the coffee pot and trapped me against the counter. "Can I have my real hello now?" he asked grinning and turning me to face him. He was so close that I could smell his morning shower on him but instead of feeling that familiar giddy feeling I normally got around him, I only felt dread and annoyance. If only he didn't stir all of these feelings in me, then maybe I would be able to think clearly.
"I'm just not feeling too great this morning" I said hoping he would just take a step back and let me breathe for a second.
The line between his eyes deepened and he took that much needed step back from me. I turned back to the coffee and pulled out two mugs for the both of us.
"So, is there a particular reason why you're here at 10am on a Saturday?" I asked handing him his coffee. He liked it black, no cream, no sugar whereas I dilluted mine away with enough cream and sugar to make a pastry.
"Uh, no" he said accepting the coffee mug. "Do I need a reason? I kind of just wanted to see you since I was gone all week."
Yeah, and you could have had a delicious home cooked meal with me last night and lots of hello sex until you blew me off. That would have made up for not seeing each other all week.
"Sid, we need to talk" I said practically word vomitting all over the kitchen counter. This was now or never. My chance to finally tell him how I felt and lay out the ground rules. It was either this or I would have to do what I absolutely dreaded: walk away from him. Even though I was pretty sure my heart would be in two pieces, I had to stick up for myself eventually. I was done with him being oblivious.
"Okay" he said setting his mug down and looking at me seriously. Most guys would be completely freaked out by those words but not Sid. Sid was obviously approaching this like anything else in his life: calmly and with a hockey captain mentality.
"What's going on?" he asked prompting me to finally say something.
There I was, on the spot again but with the perfect opportunity to say something and I had no idea how to even formulize what I wanted to do or say.
Maybe that was the root of the problem. Every time we were apart I could easily count all of the things that were wrong with our relationship. Then as soon as we were back together and he was near me again, all of those faults and reasons why this wasn't working flew right out the window just because it was him. Was that enough to outweigh the bad?
"Em, you're freaking me out" he said stepping in front of me and gently smoothing over my shoulders with his hands. "Is this about last night?" he asked smiling and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. He was smiling at me in that placating way of his that I detested. He obviously didn't see that he had done something wrong.
"What about last night?" Was he seriously going to apologize before I even got the chance to chew him out?
"I'm sorry I never called you back. I went out with some of the guys after the game to unwind."
Everything about his demeanor and statement told me that he was genuinely sorry. For Sidney, this was about as honest and apologetic as you could get because Sid didn't say 'sorry' without a reason. I knew him well enough to know that when he said anything, he really meant it. Usually I admired this honesty in him but it wasn't enough anymore.
"So are you okay now?" he asked obviously ready to move past this little speed bump and change the subject.
"No, actually, it's not okay" I sighed stepping back so that he was no longer touching me. I didn't want to make this an angry conversation but I could feel the irritation bubbling up within me. "You can't just do what you did last night all of the time."
He looked so confused that I knew that I needed to put this in the simplest terms possible. Isn't that what Vero told me to do awhile ago? Be firm, clear and stand my ground with him. That's what I planned to do.
"Sidney, you have to actually realize that we're in a relationship." There, that was clear enough.
"What? We are in a relationship" he said shaking his head in disbelief at me. "Listen is this about last night? Because I swear that I-"
"No, stop. This isn't just about last night" I said cutting off what was likely to be his second apology. "It's more than that."
I needed to sit down before I said what I was starting to dread talking about with him. Maybe this wasn't something that we could work out just by talking. What it was going to come down to was whether or not we both actively worked to change things.
"I don't think that I can do this anymore if some things don't change between us" I told him trying to guage his reaction. "No, just hear me out" I said halting whatever he was about to say so that I could finish. "You're so wrapped up in hockey all of the time that everything else always comes second. Sid, I don't know that I can always be second in someone's life. I want to be the first sometimes."
He stared at me completely baffled and it hurt just to look at him. I held up my hand as if to pause whatever he was about to say so that he could try to understand what I was telling him.
"Look, I understand your career and its demands. You are to hockey as the game is to you and I would never take that away from you or ask you to sacrifice your career for anything." I paused wondering how to explain myself to him in the clearest way possible. "It's just that last night was the perfect example of how sometimes you take it too far."
"What are you saying exactly?" he asked me. The fact that he was just listening to me and not really arguing worried me.
"I'm saying that you need to learn to make room in your life for more than just hockey."
He stared at me long enough for me to realize that he wasn't going to take what I had said easily. My fear was confirmed when he stepped back shaking his head in disbelief.
"Seriously? You don't think that I've made room for you?"
"That's not what I said" I cut in trying to diffuse his already growing anger.
"Yes it is" he pointed out. "I know I screwed up last night but I don't think that I deserve to be accused of not caring for you or not wanting to be with you" he bit out.
I hadn't expected him to go from calm to angry so quickly and it made actually communicating with him ten times worse.
"Okay listen" I said attempting to take back control of this conversation. "That's not what I said, Sidney. I never said that you don't care about me. I just said that you need to realize that there is more than hockey in your life."
"Isn't that the same thing?" he argued.
"No, it's not" I clarified. "Listen to me" I said watching his eyes meet mine again. "I want this to work, but we both need to go the distance if it is going to work. That means calling me or texting me to let me know what's going on in your life. That means you need to think about the people who care about you on a daily basis rather than just whenever you breeze through town."
"If you don't think that you can do that, then I don't know what else to do."
Even to me this felt like an ultimatum. My own words were stabbing me and I tried to swallow both my nerves and my tears to have the courage to keep going.
"I'm giving you all that I can" he stated, his words just icy enough to make me watch him carefully. "If you don't see that, then I don't know what to do or say either." He paused and his gaze was so intense, it forced me to look down and stare at my own hands. "Maybe we should just walk away."
My heart slammed against my chest with his words. So that was it? It was really that easy for him to just agree with me and walk away? As stupid as it was, I realized that there was never any real bite behind my threats to leave and end all of this. I loved him too much to actually let him go without a real fight. Instead now it seemed like it was coming back to bite me in the ass.
"Is that what you want?" I asked dreading the answer; it wasn't what I wanted.
"No" he said giving me a tiny sliver of hope and then crushing it. "But it seems to be what you want. So I guess I'll do whatever you think is best."
And with that, he left; leaving me alone in my kitchen and wondering how all of this had blown up in my face and why at the end, I hadn't done my part to stop him from leaving.
When my cell rang the next morning, I didn't even bother to check who it was before I waited for it to shut off so that I could go back to sleep. I didn't usually sleep in late on weekends but this seemed like a good weekend to start becoming one of those people that literally stay in all day on a Saturday and sit around wearing my PJs.
When the doorbell rang twice, I groaned realizing that I wasn't going to have the chance to be one of those people.
I was just belting my robe when I saw the shadow of Sidney standing on my stoop and waiting patiently in front of the door. I opened it before he could ring the doorbell again.
"Hey" he said dropping his arm and stepping forward to kiss me. I turned my head just in time for him to get nothing but cheek. To say that I was shocked and a little uncomfortable to see him was an understatement.
"Sid, what are you doing here?" I asked taking a step back but not sure if I actually wanted him to come inside or not. If he came in, that meant that I would have to actually talk to him. That also meant that I would also have to find a way to shoo him along. Maybe I could deal with him on Monday, just not today. Today I needed time to myself to decide what I wanted to do about him and try to brace myself for next weekends impending disaster dinner with my parents.
He smiled broadly at me and pulled me close still obviously thinking that everything was peachy keen with us.
"Hey" he said pulling back from his second attempt to kiss me. "What's going on? Are you okay?"
Suddenly I had a lump in my throat. This seemed like the perfect opportunity to speak up and finally tell him that I found our relationship to be ridiculously flawed (last night as the ultimate example) and that we really needed to set out ground rules if we were going to make anything other than friendship work.
Of course I choked.
"No, everything's okay, I'm just surprised is all" I lied taking another step back. He followed me into the kitchen where I set about making coffee. Maybe the caffeine would give me the courage I needed to confront him.
Why was it so ridiculously hard to confront this man? I was head over heels for him but I couldn't be honest and speak my mind with him now all of the sudden? When I actually had the freaking chance?
He stepped around me and the coffee pot and trapped me against the counter. "Can I have my real hello now?" he asked grinning and turning me to face him. He was so close that I could smell his morning shower on him but instead of feeling that familiar giddy feeling I normally got around him, I only felt dread and annoyance. If only he didn't stir all of these feelings in me, then maybe I would be able to think clearly.
"I'm just not feeling too great this morning" I said hoping he would just take a step back and let me breathe for a second.
The line between his eyes deepened and he took that much needed step back from me. I turned back to the coffee and pulled out two mugs for the both of us.
"So, is there a particular reason why you're here at 10am on a Saturday?" I asked handing him his coffee. He liked it black, no cream, no sugar whereas I dilluted mine away with enough cream and sugar to make a pastry.
"Uh, no" he said accepting the coffee mug. "Do I need a reason? I kind of just wanted to see you since I was gone all week."
Yeah, and you could have had a delicious home cooked meal with me last night and lots of hello sex until you blew me off. That would have made up for not seeing each other all week.
"Sid, we need to talk" I said practically word vomitting all over the kitchen counter. This was now or never. My chance to finally tell him how I felt and lay out the ground rules. It was either this or I would have to do what I absolutely dreaded: walk away from him. Even though I was pretty sure my heart would be in two pieces, I had to stick up for myself eventually. I was done with him being oblivious.
"Okay" he said setting his mug down and looking at me seriously. Most guys would be completely freaked out by those words but not Sid. Sid was obviously approaching this like anything else in his life: calmly and with a hockey captain mentality.
"What's going on?" he asked prompting me to finally say something.
There I was, on the spot again but with the perfect opportunity to say something and I had no idea how to even formulize what I wanted to do or say.
Maybe that was the root of the problem. Every time we were apart I could easily count all of the things that were wrong with our relationship. Then as soon as we were back together and he was near me again, all of those faults and reasons why this wasn't working flew right out the window just because it was him. Was that enough to outweigh the bad?
"Em, you're freaking me out" he said stepping in front of me and gently smoothing over my shoulders with his hands. "Is this about last night?" he asked smiling and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. He was smiling at me in that placating way of his that I detested. He obviously didn't see that he had done something wrong.
"What about last night?" Was he seriously going to apologize before I even got the chance to chew him out?
"I'm sorry I never called you back. I went out with some of the guys after the game to unwind."
Everything about his demeanor and statement told me that he was genuinely sorry. For Sidney, this was about as honest and apologetic as you could get because Sid didn't say 'sorry' without a reason. I knew him well enough to know that when he said anything, he really meant it. Usually I admired this honesty in him but it wasn't enough anymore.
"So are you okay now?" he asked obviously ready to move past this little speed bump and change the subject.
"No, actually, it's not okay" I sighed stepping back so that he was no longer touching me. I didn't want to make this an angry conversation but I could feel the irritation bubbling up within me. "You can't just do what you did last night all of the time."
He looked so confused that I knew that I needed to put this in the simplest terms possible. Isn't that what Vero told me to do awhile ago? Be firm, clear and stand my ground with him. That's what I planned to do.
"Sidney, you have to actually realize that we're in a relationship." There, that was clear enough.
"What? We are in a relationship" he said shaking his head in disbelief at me. "Listen is this about last night? Because I swear that I-"
"No, stop. This isn't just about last night" I said cutting off what was likely to be his second apology. "It's more than that."
I needed to sit down before I said what I was starting to dread talking about with him. Maybe this wasn't something that we could work out just by talking. What it was going to come down to was whether or not we both actively worked to change things.
"I don't think that I can do this anymore if some things don't change between us" I told him trying to guage his reaction. "No, just hear me out" I said halting whatever he was about to say so that I could finish. "You're so wrapped up in hockey all of the time that everything else always comes second. Sid, I don't know that I can always be second in someone's life. I want to be the first sometimes."
He stared at me completely baffled and it hurt just to look at him. I held up my hand as if to pause whatever he was about to say so that he could try to understand what I was telling him.
"Look, I understand your career and its demands. You are to hockey as the game is to you and I would never take that away from you or ask you to sacrifice your career for anything." I paused wondering how to explain myself to him in the clearest way possible. "It's just that last night was the perfect example of how sometimes you take it too far."
"What are you saying exactly?" he asked me. The fact that he was just listening to me and not really arguing worried me.
"I'm saying that you need to learn to make room in your life for more than just hockey."
He stared at me long enough for me to realize that he wasn't going to take what I had said easily. My fear was confirmed when he stepped back shaking his head in disbelief.
"Seriously? You don't think that I've made room for you?"
"That's not what I said" I cut in trying to diffuse his already growing anger.
"Yes it is" he pointed out. "I know I screwed up last night but I don't think that I deserve to be accused of not caring for you or not wanting to be with you" he bit out.
I hadn't expected him to go from calm to angry so quickly and it made actually communicating with him ten times worse.
"Okay listen" I said attempting to take back control of this conversation. "That's not what I said, Sidney. I never said that you don't care about me. I just said that you need to realize that there is more than hockey in your life."
"Isn't that the same thing?" he argued.
"No, it's not" I clarified. "Listen to me" I said watching his eyes meet mine again. "I want this to work, but we both need to go the distance if it is going to work. That means calling me or texting me to let me know what's going on in your life. That means you need to think about the people who care about you on a daily basis rather than just whenever you breeze through town."
"If you don't think that you can do that, then I don't know what else to do."
Even to me this felt like an ultimatum. My own words were stabbing me and I tried to swallow both my nerves and my tears to have the courage to keep going.
"I'm giving you all that I can" he stated, his words just icy enough to make me watch him carefully. "If you don't see that, then I don't know what to do or say either." He paused and his gaze was so intense, it forced me to look down and stare at my own hands. "Maybe we should just walk away."
My heart slammed against my chest with his words. So that was it? It was really that easy for him to just agree with me and walk away? As stupid as it was, I realized that there was never any real bite behind my threats to leave and end all of this. I loved him too much to actually let him go without a real fight. Instead now it seemed like it was coming back to bite me in the ass.
"Is that what you want?" I asked dreading the answer; it wasn't what I wanted.
"No" he said giving me a tiny sliver of hope and then crushing it. "But it seems to be what you want. So I guess I'll do whatever you think is best."
And with that, he left; leaving me alone in my kitchen and wondering how all of this had blown up in my face and why at the end, I hadn't done my part to stop him from leaving.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Chapter 36
So it's a filler chapter...but I'd rather put something out then nothing at all. Thank you for the lovely comments ladies! You all make writing so worthwhile :)
Chapter Song: "I Wouldn't Need You" by Norah Jones ***This song is so sexy!
Chapter Song: "I Wouldn't Need You" by Norah Jones ***This song is so sexy!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Chapter 35
Ugh, I'm sorry for the extremely long delay. I go through bursts of creativity where chapters come together really easily for me and then I go through dry spells where I can't think of anything to say or any way to write at all. It doesn't help that it's the end of the year and I'm slowly going insane with my work schedule, classes and also Finals.
Hopefully you all enjoy this chapter. I was planning on ending this story soon but now I'm not so sure. It's oddly difficult for me to write about these two and is probably the reason I've been working on this story for 8-ish months now.
It'll end when it ends I guess :)
Hopefully you all enjoy this chapter. I was planning on ending this story soon but now I'm not so sure. It's oddly difficult for me to write about these two and is probably the reason I've been working on this story for 8-ish months now.
It'll end when it ends I guess :)
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Chapter 34
So I'm a little under the weather this weekend and with nothing to do I finally got this chapter updated. Sorry that it's been awhile!
I'm pretty sure that this story is going to wind down and come to an end within the next 10 chapters or so. My plan is to finish this one up before the end of my semester so that I can start a new story during the summer. I'm starting fresh living in Pittsburgh again this year so I want to have a new story to start with as well :)
So any suggestions for what you'd like to see happen between these two before the end?
I'm pretty sure that this story is going to wind down and come to an end within the next 10 chapters or so. My plan is to finish this one up before the end of my semester so that I can start a new story during the summer. I'm starting fresh living in Pittsburgh again this year so I want to have a new story to start with as well :)
So any suggestions for what you'd like to see happen between these two before the end?
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Chapter 33
Okay, hopefully this one's a little bit longer for you guys! I didn't proof it so good luck navigating your way through. Celebrity Rehab is on again, damn it!
Chapter 32
Sorry it's been awhile guys. It doesn't help that when I kept trying to write tonight, I was distracted by re-runs of Celebrity Rehab. Do you know how addicting reality tv is when it involved hot mess celebrities?? Hope you like the chapter, I feel a little rusty.
P.S. Where did all 52 of you readers come from? I'm seriously amazed and humbled that you all actually clicked on the follow button. Thank you so much!!!!
P.S. Where did all 52 of you readers come from? I'm seriously amazed and humbled that you all actually clicked on the follow button. Thank you so much!!!!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Yet Another Apology
Ugh, sorry guys. I've been dying from a terrible cold then I went on spring break vacation and I'm home for a few days. So, sorry I've been terribly absent from writing lately but this is my promise to post chapters for both of my stories this weekend. Come hell or high water! I wanted to update this week but I didn't have internet access and I couldn't even keep up on actual hockey to motivate myself. So needless to say, I'm going to catch up on everything I missed tonight, then finally, FINALLY update for you all.
Thanks for sticking with me and I can't wait to read what you guys have been writing while I've been desperately without internet!
Thanks for sticking with me and I can't wait to read what you guys have been writing while I've been desperately without internet!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Chapter 31
Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long. School, life, drama, and writing my other story got in the way of this one but I'm determined to be better about balancing both stories.
Frankly it's a miracle that I've managed to write as much as I have but it's definitely because your comments motivate me so much to keep going. So I love all of you and the fact that you take 5 minutes out of your days to read my stuff :) Enjoy the gooiness ahead!
Frankly it's a miracle that I've managed to write as much as I have but it's definitely because your comments motivate me so much to keep going. So I love all of you and the fact that you take 5 minutes out of your days to read my stuff :) Enjoy the gooiness ahead!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Chapter 30
Chapter 30! I can't believe I made it this far with these two. :)
Emma's POV:
I had no idea where we were going when he not so nicely shoved me into the passenger seat of his car and locked the doors as if he was worried that I was going to jump out just to get away from him. I would be lying if I said that the thought hadn't crossed my mind already.
We drove in silence and I refused to ask where we were going. He was probably just taking me home and it was a good thing that Brian had driven me so that my car wasn't sitting at the Guerin's overnight. It was embarrassing enough for everyone to see Sidney drag me out the door- I didn't need physical proof as big as a car there to remind everyone when they left in the morning.
They were all probably thinking that something sordid was about to happen between us. I know that was the look Eliza gave me when I had looked to her for support. Too bad that was the farthest thing from happening to me right now.
I was still so angry at him that I didn't even try to hold back the angry sniffles that were about to break free. I had always been an angry, frustrated cryer and I just didn't care what he thought anymore. He was the one that had ruined my week and now he was ruining my evening as well with his insistence that we talk and then when he dragged me out the door in front of everyone.
I watched the dark landscape of Pittsburgh fly by as we drove and realized that he was indeed taking me home as we pulled onto my street. Great, so he really was going to just take me home and make me spend the rest of my New Year's Eve alone.
As soon as the car was stopped, I was ready with my seatbelt already unfastened and hopped out immediately to walk to the front door. He may not have let me grab my purse on the way out but I was old-fashioned and kept a spare key hidden beneath a flower pot by the door.
"What are you doing?" I snapped when I heard Sidney jog up the walkway behind me. "You've made a scene, dragged me away from the party and my date and I believe you've made your point for the night. As far as I'm concerned, you can go home now."
"What point? I haven't even talked to you yet" he stated not budging an inch. My hands fumbled with the key because I was too distracted by his presence to properly put the key in the door. Another reason to hate him right now.
"Oh believe me Sidney. You don't have to talk because your actions the past few days have said enough."
"Remind me not to cross you again" he said shaking his head and slipping the key out of my fumbling hand. He calmly unlocked the door and I pushed it open.
Unfortunately he slapped a hand on the door before I could close it in his face. "I'm coming in" he stated walking into my foyer and locking the door up behind him.
"Sure, come in, make yourself comfortable" I mocked slipping off his jacket and slapping it to his chest. If I was going to fight with him, I didn't want to smell his comforting scent on me.
"Can we talk now?" he asked following close behind me as I made my way into the kitchen. The only response he got was the slapping of my heels on the hardwood floors beneath me.
"You can talk, I don't have to listen" I stated taking a glass from the cabinet and filling it with tap water. He watched me cooly and I vaguely wondered why we always seemed to end up fighting in the kitchen.
"Listen, I'm sorry that I just disappeared for the past couple of days" he started leaning back against the island.
"Why did you have to disappear like that?" I asked letting the question I had been dying to know all week slip free. "What did I do that made you shut off and ignore me for days?"
"You didn't do anything" he stated looking panicked at the tears in my eyes. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. It wasn't you-"
"Let me guess" I said sarcastically. "It's not me, it's you?"
He frowned, a deep line settling on his forehead as a result. "I wasn't trying to feed you a line, Emma. I'm trying to be honest with you even though I guess I should have done that from the start."
"Even though all signs point to the fact that we would work well together- I knew it wouldn't be fair to you in the end." I watched him curiously as he started to pace around the kitchen looking more anxious than he had all night. "I mean, my family loves you, you understand the lifestyle that I need to lead and to top it all off, you're amazing."
My breath hitched in my throat waiting for the inevitable "but" that was sure to follow.
"I know that I was the one who started this, I pushed you along, but I realized while I was back home that I can't put you through what being in a relationship with me would be like."
He held up a hand to keep me from saying anything and continued. "Being with me would open your own life up to scrutiny and I don't think it's fair for that to suddenly become your life when you never even asked for it."
As much as I hated to say it, it looked like Eliza had nailed it on the head when she said that Sidney was being Sidney. Unfortunately, it didn't make me any less pissed off at him for just assuming what was best for me.
"So you just decided for me?"
He sensed that this was a dangerous question and I put my glass down, taking a step closer to him.
"You just decided that it would be a good idea to decide for me and not even tell me what was on your mind?"
"I guess" he stated dumbly. He may not have gone to college and he may not be interested in russian literature but Sidney was by no means a stupid man. I admired him more for the fact that he was so successful by unconventional means in society. To top it off, he was a good person.
Despite this, it was moments like these that seriously made me question his intelligence. Especially his emotional intelligence.
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked coming to stand directly in front of him. His eyes darted down to the limited space between us and I leaned forward even farther letting my breasts rub briefly against his own chest. He shifted uncomfortably obviously confused by my sudden mood swing.
"Do you like me?" I asked waiting for the sign I needed to continue. He had given me every reason that I already knew of why being with him would be difficult. These reasons would undeniably put pressure on any relationship but he was ignoring the fact that he was also a difficult person in general. If anything, his know it all personality (like the one he was exhibiting now) would be the thing to set me over the edge- not trivial things that someone else said about us. All I needed to know was an answer to the question I had just asked him.
"I think it's pretty obvious by now that I like you" he said laughing slightly. "That's why I'm trying to-"
I cut him off having the only answer that I needed and shut him up by covering his mouth with my own. He quickly regained control by tracing my lips with his tongue asking for entrance as I pulled him closer to my body.
Just like that, things were momentarily mended. He may not completely understand yet the point that I had been trying to make but at least I understood what he had been trying to do and I was patient enough to take the time to show him that he was wrong.
His tongue languidly stroked mine as we silently communicated that we were sorry over and over again. I groaned in displeasure when his mouth left mine to trace the curve of my cheek with his mouth.
"Couch?" I squeaked, my hands holding on tightly to his shoulders when he found a particularly sensitive spot on my neck. He nodded and hitched me up allowing me to wrap my legs around his waist as we crossed the kitchen on our way to the living room. My dress was hitched up from wrapping my legs around his waist leaving my legs exposed to his wandering hands.
I wanted this. I had always wanted him in some capacity or another but right now the sole thing my mind could focus on was how badly I needed to feel connected to him. I physically ached for his body to meet mine and finally fulfill what I had been looking for all along from him.
My back met the couch as he laid me down and I shivered against the cool material until his body rapidly covered mine, our mouths meeting again like we hadn't tasted each other in days. Wanting to feel more of him, my hands tugged the back of his shirt out of his pants and I slid my hands up his well muscled back and kneaded the muscle- loving the way the warm flesh shifted beneath my fingers. He groaned from the sensations and slid his hands around my front to tug the material of my dress down and expose my matching red bra. Nimbly he unfastened the bra and tossed it aside leaving me completely exposed to his eyes which heated my skin with their gaze. His eyes were almost black now and I had no idea what he was thinking as he leaned down to plant another kiss on my neck, working his way down in an exquisitely slow pace.
"You're beautiful" he mumbled against my collarbone elliciting a sigh from my lips. That was all it took to make me hungry for more and to ask him to hurry things up. His hands were suddenly everywhere at once and it was all I could do to try to keep up and let my hands get enough of him in response. I wanted all of him, as my hands raked over him silently telling him to keep going, I realized that I couldn't get enough and wanted to take a moment to record every sensation that the feeling of his skin on my hands made me feel.
I was positively tingling by the time our clothes were completely gone and my breath sped up in anticipation of the joining that was to come. "Are you sure?" he asked pulling his lips back to pant the question in my face.
I nodded wondering why the hell he was even asking me and ground out a "please" taking the initiative and sliding the condom down over his erection. Kissing me deeply as he went along, I shuddered feeling the anticipation reach its hilt as he slowly entered my body. Neither of us were virgins but it felt like the first time all over again. The feeling of pleasure and pain that comes from the welcoming of another person's body into your own made me gasp out. He paused allowing both of our bodies to adjust before beginning to move slowly.
He buried his face in the crook of my neck and I arched into him wanting more of what he could give as the tempo increased, his name rolling off my tongue repeatedly in synch with the movement of our bodies.
Finally, something between us felt right and I clutched him closer to my body as we both came allowing the hazy aftermath to settle over us in perfect silence.
Emma's POV:
I had no idea where we were going when he not so nicely shoved me into the passenger seat of his car and locked the doors as if he was worried that I was going to jump out just to get away from him. I would be lying if I said that the thought hadn't crossed my mind already.
We drove in silence and I refused to ask where we were going. He was probably just taking me home and it was a good thing that Brian had driven me so that my car wasn't sitting at the Guerin's overnight. It was embarrassing enough for everyone to see Sidney drag me out the door- I didn't need physical proof as big as a car there to remind everyone when they left in the morning.
They were all probably thinking that something sordid was about to happen between us. I know that was the look Eliza gave me when I had looked to her for support. Too bad that was the farthest thing from happening to me right now.
I was still so angry at him that I didn't even try to hold back the angry sniffles that were about to break free. I had always been an angry, frustrated cryer and I just didn't care what he thought anymore. He was the one that had ruined my week and now he was ruining my evening as well with his insistence that we talk and then when he dragged me out the door in front of everyone.
I watched the dark landscape of Pittsburgh fly by as we drove and realized that he was indeed taking me home as we pulled onto my street. Great, so he really was going to just take me home and make me spend the rest of my New Year's Eve alone.
As soon as the car was stopped, I was ready with my seatbelt already unfastened and hopped out immediately to walk to the front door. He may not have let me grab my purse on the way out but I was old-fashioned and kept a spare key hidden beneath a flower pot by the door.
"What are you doing?" I snapped when I heard Sidney jog up the walkway behind me. "You've made a scene, dragged me away from the party and my date and I believe you've made your point for the night. As far as I'm concerned, you can go home now."
"What point? I haven't even talked to you yet" he stated not budging an inch. My hands fumbled with the key because I was too distracted by his presence to properly put the key in the door. Another reason to hate him right now.
"Oh believe me Sidney. You don't have to talk because your actions the past few days have said enough."
"Remind me not to cross you again" he said shaking his head and slipping the key out of my fumbling hand. He calmly unlocked the door and I pushed it open.
Unfortunately he slapped a hand on the door before I could close it in his face. "I'm coming in" he stated walking into my foyer and locking the door up behind him.
"Sure, come in, make yourself comfortable" I mocked slipping off his jacket and slapping it to his chest. If I was going to fight with him, I didn't want to smell his comforting scent on me.
"Can we talk now?" he asked following close behind me as I made my way into the kitchen. The only response he got was the slapping of my heels on the hardwood floors beneath me.
"You can talk, I don't have to listen" I stated taking a glass from the cabinet and filling it with tap water. He watched me cooly and I vaguely wondered why we always seemed to end up fighting in the kitchen.
"Listen, I'm sorry that I just disappeared for the past couple of days" he started leaning back against the island.
"Why did you have to disappear like that?" I asked letting the question I had been dying to know all week slip free. "What did I do that made you shut off and ignore me for days?"
"You didn't do anything" he stated looking panicked at the tears in my eyes. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. It wasn't you-"
"Let me guess" I said sarcastically. "It's not me, it's you?"
He frowned, a deep line settling on his forehead as a result. "I wasn't trying to feed you a line, Emma. I'm trying to be honest with you even though I guess I should have done that from the start."
"Even though all signs point to the fact that we would work well together- I knew it wouldn't be fair to you in the end." I watched him curiously as he started to pace around the kitchen looking more anxious than he had all night. "I mean, my family loves you, you understand the lifestyle that I need to lead and to top it all off, you're amazing."
My breath hitched in my throat waiting for the inevitable "but" that was sure to follow.
"I know that I was the one who started this, I pushed you along, but I realized while I was back home that I can't put you through what being in a relationship with me would be like."
He held up a hand to keep me from saying anything and continued. "Being with me would open your own life up to scrutiny and I don't think it's fair for that to suddenly become your life when you never even asked for it."
As much as I hated to say it, it looked like Eliza had nailed it on the head when she said that Sidney was being Sidney. Unfortunately, it didn't make me any less pissed off at him for just assuming what was best for me.
"So you just decided for me?"
He sensed that this was a dangerous question and I put my glass down, taking a step closer to him.
"You just decided that it would be a good idea to decide for me and not even tell me what was on your mind?"
"I guess" he stated dumbly. He may not have gone to college and he may not be interested in russian literature but Sidney was by no means a stupid man. I admired him more for the fact that he was so successful by unconventional means in society. To top it off, he was a good person.
Despite this, it was moments like these that seriously made me question his intelligence. Especially his emotional intelligence.
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked coming to stand directly in front of him. His eyes darted down to the limited space between us and I leaned forward even farther letting my breasts rub briefly against his own chest. He shifted uncomfortably obviously confused by my sudden mood swing.
"Do you like me?" I asked waiting for the sign I needed to continue. He had given me every reason that I already knew of why being with him would be difficult. These reasons would undeniably put pressure on any relationship but he was ignoring the fact that he was also a difficult person in general. If anything, his know it all personality (like the one he was exhibiting now) would be the thing to set me over the edge- not trivial things that someone else said about us. All I needed to know was an answer to the question I had just asked him.
"I think it's pretty obvious by now that I like you" he said laughing slightly. "That's why I'm trying to-"
I cut him off having the only answer that I needed and shut him up by covering his mouth with my own. He quickly regained control by tracing my lips with his tongue asking for entrance as I pulled him closer to my body.
Just like that, things were momentarily mended. He may not completely understand yet the point that I had been trying to make but at least I understood what he had been trying to do and I was patient enough to take the time to show him that he was wrong.
His tongue languidly stroked mine as we silently communicated that we were sorry over and over again. I groaned in displeasure when his mouth left mine to trace the curve of my cheek with his mouth.
"Couch?" I squeaked, my hands holding on tightly to his shoulders when he found a particularly sensitive spot on my neck. He nodded and hitched me up allowing me to wrap my legs around his waist as we crossed the kitchen on our way to the living room. My dress was hitched up from wrapping my legs around his waist leaving my legs exposed to his wandering hands.
I wanted this. I had always wanted him in some capacity or another but right now the sole thing my mind could focus on was how badly I needed to feel connected to him. I physically ached for his body to meet mine and finally fulfill what I had been looking for all along from him.
My back met the couch as he laid me down and I shivered against the cool material until his body rapidly covered mine, our mouths meeting again like we hadn't tasted each other in days. Wanting to feel more of him, my hands tugged the back of his shirt out of his pants and I slid my hands up his well muscled back and kneaded the muscle- loving the way the warm flesh shifted beneath my fingers. He groaned from the sensations and slid his hands around my front to tug the material of my dress down and expose my matching red bra. Nimbly he unfastened the bra and tossed it aside leaving me completely exposed to his eyes which heated my skin with their gaze. His eyes were almost black now and I had no idea what he was thinking as he leaned down to plant another kiss on my neck, working his way down in an exquisitely slow pace.
"You're beautiful" he mumbled against my collarbone elliciting a sigh from my lips. That was all it took to make me hungry for more and to ask him to hurry things up. His hands were suddenly everywhere at once and it was all I could do to try to keep up and let my hands get enough of him in response. I wanted all of him, as my hands raked over him silently telling him to keep going, I realized that I couldn't get enough and wanted to take a moment to record every sensation that the feeling of his skin on my hands made me feel.
I was positively tingling by the time our clothes were completely gone and my breath sped up in anticipation of the joining that was to come. "Are you sure?" he asked pulling his lips back to pant the question in my face.
I nodded wondering why the hell he was even asking me and ground out a "please" taking the initiative and sliding the condom down over his erection. Kissing me deeply as he went along, I shuddered feeling the anticipation reach its hilt as he slowly entered my body. Neither of us were virgins but it felt like the first time all over again. The feeling of pleasure and pain that comes from the welcoming of another person's body into your own made me gasp out. He paused allowing both of our bodies to adjust before beginning to move slowly.
He buried his face in the crook of my neck and I arched into him wanting more of what he could give as the tempo increased, his name rolling off my tongue repeatedly in synch with the movement of our bodies.
Finally, something between us felt right and I clutched him closer to my body as we both came allowing the hazy aftermath to settle over us in perfect silence.
Chapter 29
Haha, so it's taken me 29 chapters to get these two people where I want them. But hopefully you'll enjoy the result :) Thanks for being patient all of this time and enjoy the double chapter post! I like even numbers and it seemed fitting to split this portion into two chapters so that it would culminate at chapter 30!
Emma's POV:
New Year's Eve. A night of fun, (drunken) debauchery and the promise of a whole new year to start fresh, only a few hours away from becoming definite reality.
It should have been an evening that I enjoyed, and I was having a good time but I still couldn't fight the feeling that something was off. Rather, someone was making me feel off just by being here at the party. Three guesses who that was.
My date Brian and I, a guy that I had struck up a casual friendship with through work a few months ago, had arrived an hour earlier and all was going smoothly until Sidney had arrived. Whereas I had felt pretty and confident before his arrival, as soon as his eyes locked onto mine across the room, my little red dress no longer fit right. Instead it felt tight and I was worried all over again that it clashed with the color of my auburn hair.
He of course looked gorgeous in his crisp, white oxford shirt, blazer and dark jeans. Once again our eyes connected but I couldn't tell what those dark orbs were telling me. That is, if they were actually telling me anything at all besides "I hate you."
I looked down self-consciously at the semi-low cut bodice of the dress and tried to pull it up without drawing attention to myself. Why had I decided to wear something so revealing? Because it's New Year's and I wanted to wear something fun.
"Stop fussing, you look hot" Vero murmured holding out another flute of champagne for me to drink. She must have seen me awkwardly adjusting the dress for the past 5 minutes while Brian was off talking to other people from work.
"Thanks" I mumbled taking a big gulp of champagne.
"Sidney hasn't stopped staring at you" she commented picking at a plate of food she was holding. "That's interesting considering you keep saying that he hates you."
"Don't mock me." I said instantly picking up on the teasing tone in her voice. "Why else wouldn't he be talking to me right now if he didn't hate me for something that I did or said?"
"Honey, a man that spends this much time sulking in a corner on his own and staring at you for over an hour doesn't hate you." She slapped at my hands once more telling me that my boobs looked fine before walking off to go find Marc.
Deciding that I had been ignoring my date for far too long because of a man that I wasn't even speaking to right now, I turned my back on the area that I thought Sidney was still standing in and stalked off determined not to let him ruin my night.
Sidney's POV:
Why was I here again?
This was the only thing I could think about as I knocked back my 2nd glass of Johnny Walker and tried not to look completely miserable alone on a couch in the Guerin's living room.
The root of the problem was a redhead wearing a bright red dress and pointedly ignoring me even though my eyes hadn't left her frame for over an hour. A very small red dress that some random guy I had seen in the merchandise department seemed to be enjoying very much.
I watched her laugh at something he was saying and take another sip of her champagne. Her pink lips curled into a smile and I could tell, even from this distance, that it wasn't a fake smile. She was actually enjoying herself and it was enough to make my stomach clench uncomfortably.
The thought that I should be the one making her smile and laugh briefly crossed my mind before I pushed it aside in favor of more alcohol. Did I want to get drunk tonight? No. Did I need to numb my brain a little bit? Yes. I was so busy staring into my drink that I didn't notice Eliza making her way over to me.
"You know that this would all sort itself out if you just went and talked to her."
I glanced over at Eliza smiling at me and internally groaned. Eliza was one of Emma's best friends and had probably heard a mouthful from her. As much as I liked Eliza and valued her legal advice, I didn't want to hear relationship advice from her right now. I already knew that I was a jerk.
"It's not that simple" I told her. My eyes flicked back over to Emma who was still getting friendly with that guy. Actually he was just getting friendly. I didn't like that his eyes were practically glued to her chest and the way his arm had slid around her waist. She looked fucking amazing tonight but that didn't mean that he had the right to hang all over her.
"Are you sure? You're the infamous over-thinker of the team, Sid."
"I have to be" I told her shrugging. I've always had to be that way.
"Well that doesn't mean that you have to be unhappy either" she stated getting comfortable next to me on the couch and gingerly pulling the still half full glass out of my hand. "If it's any consolation, she's confused and angry."
I sighed wondering how the hell that was any form of consolation at all. "But" she added making me look at her again, "she would listen to you if you would just explain yourself. Emma's too nice of a person to deny you that."
"Who's the guy that's been following her around all night?"
"Jealous?" she asked grinning at me snidely.
"No" I told her just a little bit too quickly. "I was just curious."
"Uh huh" she said knowingly, clearly enjoying my discomfort. "He's no one you should be worried or threatened by" she responded finally, still grinning at me. I tried not to let it show that I was relieved by what she had told me and together we sat in silence for a few more minutes watching everyone else enjoying their evening.
"Go talk to her, seriously Sid. Whatever your reason was for blowing her off, you won't feel better until you talk to her." With that, she squeezed my knee in a friendly gesture before getting up and walking away.
While I stalled and decided whether or not I wanted to talk to her tonight or put it off until after the party, I made an effort to mingle with the guys and enjoy what I could of the evening. Besides, it was getting hard to watch what Emma was doing from my position on the couch. I could only see so much and then nothing at all as soon as she moved out of my line of vision.
After asking around, no one seemed to really know anything about Emma's date except for the fact that his name was Brian and he worked for the Pens somehow. I didn't think that I had really seen him around before so how the hell did Emma know him?
Locating her again in the crowd wasn't difficult due to the dress she was wearing. As if by chance, her eyes looked up and met mine across the room. Though we had been doing this all night, this time she held her eyes instead of looking away. One slim eyebrow rose in challenge as we stared at each other and for the first time that night, I saw how pissed off she really was.
My stomach burned with what I could only identify as shame from my purposeful actions and the steps I had taken in recent days not to talk to her or explain myself to her.
Just like that, the moment was broken and she turned her head leaving me with only a view of her lightly curled hair as she talked to her date. Without looking back I saw them walk hand in hand out of my eyesight and I felt worse than I did before.
Emma's POV:
Maybe it was cruel of me but I wanted him to suffer. I could tell just by looking into his brown eyes frequently throughout the night that he was trying to tell me that he was sorry. I still couldn't decide what he should be more sorry for- for just ignoring me without reason or because he was possibly the biggest all around jackass that I had ever had the misfortune to meet.
What was the saying about a woman scorned? That was me right now and I was just angry and frustrated enough to want to use anything I had available to me right now against him. What I did have available to me was my poor date Brian who was just nice enough not to realize that I had been engaged in a silent battle with another man all evening.
It still didn't make any sense to me whatsoever that Sidney was the one who had been pushing me along all of this time with his kisses and then with how warm and wonderful his family was- how warm and wonderful he was- and then just drop me completely as if he realized that I was mistake but was just too cowardly to tell me.
It was infuriating! And worse- it hurt like hell to be tossed aside by the one man that had consumed such a large part of my heart over the years. Actually, it was pathetic. Not that I considered myself pathetic on the whole but generally, when it came to Sidney Crosby, lets face it- I was a mess.
We weren't even together and I was a mess. Maybe it was better off that we weren't together if this is how catastrophic we were together.
"Do you want another drink?" Brian was playing the role of attentive date well and had been genuinely funny and nice the whole evening. He was engaging, intelligent, handsome- and completely wrong for me. How could I be with someone else when my mind was still stuck on someone selfish, idiotic and stupid?
"A water would be great, thanks!" I told him smiling. I wondered if I had any other single friends that I could set him up with. I watched him walk away and took a minute to collect myself and get my mind back on track and back on the man that I had brought as a date.
It was time for me to buck up and start enjoying the evening like I intended to.
"Can we talk?"
I froze hearing his voice behind me and was torn between turning like my body told me to and walking away as if I hadn't heard him. My body won.
"About what?" I asked standing near him for the first time all night.
"Can I just have a minute, outside maybe?"
I didn't want to do this right now. Not after I had finally worked out in my mind that I owed it to myself and my date not to concern myself with Sidney the whole night.
"No, not tonight."
He didn't look pleased with this answer if the sole, bulging cord on his neck was any indication. "Just 5 minutes" he told me taking a step closer as if to intimidate me with his size.
"No" I stressed the word wondering why this needed to be discussed right now. Couldn't it wait until after tonight?
Both of us were angry and I could practically feel the air crackle between us thanks to the frustrated energy now bubbling over.
"What is your problem?" he hissed at me shushing me before the outraged noise could errupt from my mouth.
"My problem? My problem? Are you insane Crosby?" This time I didn't bother to keep my voice down elliciting confused looks from those arond us.
"Keep your voice down" he hissed sliding back into Sidney Crosby: popular NHL player and master of not making a scene rather than the Sidney I needed him to be. A Sidney that would admit that he was wrong and leave me alone for awhile.
"I can't deal with you right now" I stated taking a big step back, almost bumping into Kris Letang who looked embarrassed to be caught in the crossfire. I apologized before scooting around him in the crowd looking for an escape. I just needed air. Once I had air, I would be able to go back inside. Out on the Guerin's enormous backyard patio, I felt better letting the cold air rush over me and instantly cool me off.
"Em, seriously, let's go back inside. It's freezing out here."
Rolling my eyes, I turned to where Sidney was standing, partially hidden by the shadows. He still looked angry at me which I was fine with. I was still angry at him too. "I need air."
"Okay, so take some air. Just don't freeze to death" he said slipping out of his blazer and holding it out to me.
"Okay, I won't freeze to death. You can leave now" I stated wishing now more than anything that he would finally leave me be. Funny how the one person you find yourself always wanting to be around can also be the one person to make you physically wish to leave your own skin just to get some distance from them sometimes.
"Why are you being so stubborn? I realize that I was an ass for not-"
"Ass doesn't even begin to cover it, Sidney" I deadpanned.
"Well maybe I would be able to explain if you didn't keep interrupting me."
We were both close to yelling at each other again and I didn't like the look in his eyes. He looked at me like I was Ovechkin or something.
"Could you please leave me alone?" I asked again, almost pleading with him now.
"No. We need to talk" he stated again crossing to where I was standing. I stared down at the hands that were flexing by his sides before they reached out to grasp my elbows and hold me gently in place. "Leave with me?"
My stomach fluttered at the intensity of his voice and I had to take a deep breath before shaking my head no. "I'm here with someone else" I reminded him, my thoughts darting back to Brian for the first time in 10 minutes.
"You don't have to be" Sidney said surprising me with the sudden slyness of his voice.
"Yes, I do." I tried to break free of his hands but to no avail. I was still locked firmly in place it seemed with barely any effort on his part to hold me there.
"No you don't" he stated again. The self-assurance in his voice was unbelievably arrogant and triggered my pent up anger like nothing else.
"What was that for?" he asked finally dropping his hold on my arms to clutch at his now stinging cheek. As far as I was concerned, he deserved to be slapped for his know it all attitude- among other things.
"Nothing that you don't deserve" I told him taking twisted delight in the way his eyes sparked back at me.
Not saying another word, he grasped my hand tightly with the authority a mother might take with a petulant child and dragged me back inside despite my protests. He gave me just enough time to frantically look for Eliza or Vero, anyone who would help me out. Eliza spotted me first and I looked to her for help but instead she smiled and waved then turned her back on me.
I didn't even have my purse as Sidney ignored everyone else and led me out the door into the cold night.
Emma's POV:
New Year's Eve. A night of fun, (drunken) debauchery and the promise of a whole new year to start fresh, only a few hours away from becoming definite reality.
It should have been an evening that I enjoyed, and I was having a good time but I still couldn't fight the feeling that something was off. Rather, someone was making me feel off just by being here at the party. Three guesses who that was.
My date Brian and I, a guy that I had struck up a casual friendship with through work a few months ago, had arrived an hour earlier and all was going smoothly until Sidney had arrived. Whereas I had felt pretty and confident before his arrival, as soon as his eyes locked onto mine across the room, my little red dress no longer fit right. Instead it felt tight and I was worried all over again that it clashed with the color of my auburn hair.
He of course looked gorgeous in his crisp, white oxford shirt, blazer and dark jeans. Once again our eyes connected but I couldn't tell what those dark orbs were telling me. That is, if they were actually telling me anything at all besides "I hate you."
I looked down self-consciously at the semi-low cut bodice of the dress and tried to pull it up without drawing attention to myself. Why had I decided to wear something so revealing? Because it's New Year's and I wanted to wear something fun.
"Stop fussing, you look hot" Vero murmured holding out another flute of champagne for me to drink. She must have seen me awkwardly adjusting the dress for the past 5 minutes while Brian was off talking to other people from work.
"Thanks" I mumbled taking a big gulp of champagne.
"Sidney hasn't stopped staring at you" she commented picking at a plate of food she was holding. "That's interesting considering you keep saying that he hates you."
"Don't mock me." I said instantly picking up on the teasing tone in her voice. "Why else wouldn't he be talking to me right now if he didn't hate me for something that I did or said?"
"Honey, a man that spends this much time sulking in a corner on his own and staring at you for over an hour doesn't hate you." She slapped at my hands once more telling me that my boobs looked fine before walking off to go find Marc.
Deciding that I had been ignoring my date for far too long because of a man that I wasn't even speaking to right now, I turned my back on the area that I thought Sidney was still standing in and stalked off determined not to let him ruin my night.
Sidney's POV:
Why was I here again?
This was the only thing I could think about as I knocked back my 2nd glass of Johnny Walker and tried not to look completely miserable alone on a couch in the Guerin's living room.
The root of the problem was a redhead wearing a bright red dress and pointedly ignoring me even though my eyes hadn't left her frame for over an hour. A very small red dress that some random guy I had seen in the merchandise department seemed to be enjoying very much.
I watched her laugh at something he was saying and take another sip of her champagne. Her pink lips curled into a smile and I could tell, even from this distance, that it wasn't a fake smile. She was actually enjoying herself and it was enough to make my stomach clench uncomfortably.
The thought that I should be the one making her smile and laugh briefly crossed my mind before I pushed it aside in favor of more alcohol. Did I want to get drunk tonight? No. Did I need to numb my brain a little bit? Yes. I was so busy staring into my drink that I didn't notice Eliza making her way over to me.
"You know that this would all sort itself out if you just went and talked to her."
I glanced over at Eliza smiling at me and internally groaned. Eliza was one of Emma's best friends and had probably heard a mouthful from her. As much as I liked Eliza and valued her legal advice, I didn't want to hear relationship advice from her right now. I already knew that I was a jerk.
"It's not that simple" I told her. My eyes flicked back over to Emma who was still getting friendly with that guy. Actually he was just getting friendly. I didn't like that his eyes were practically glued to her chest and the way his arm had slid around her waist. She looked fucking amazing tonight but that didn't mean that he had the right to hang all over her.
"Are you sure? You're the infamous over-thinker of the team, Sid."
"I have to be" I told her shrugging. I've always had to be that way.
"Well that doesn't mean that you have to be unhappy either" she stated getting comfortable next to me on the couch and gingerly pulling the still half full glass out of my hand. "If it's any consolation, she's confused and angry."
I sighed wondering how the hell that was any form of consolation at all. "But" she added making me look at her again, "she would listen to you if you would just explain yourself. Emma's too nice of a person to deny you that."
"Who's the guy that's been following her around all night?"
"Jealous?" she asked grinning at me snidely.
"No" I told her just a little bit too quickly. "I was just curious."
"Uh huh" she said knowingly, clearly enjoying my discomfort. "He's no one you should be worried or threatened by" she responded finally, still grinning at me. I tried not to let it show that I was relieved by what she had told me and together we sat in silence for a few more minutes watching everyone else enjoying their evening.
"Go talk to her, seriously Sid. Whatever your reason was for blowing her off, you won't feel better until you talk to her." With that, she squeezed my knee in a friendly gesture before getting up and walking away.
While I stalled and decided whether or not I wanted to talk to her tonight or put it off until after the party, I made an effort to mingle with the guys and enjoy what I could of the evening. Besides, it was getting hard to watch what Emma was doing from my position on the couch. I could only see so much and then nothing at all as soon as she moved out of my line of vision.
After asking around, no one seemed to really know anything about Emma's date except for the fact that his name was Brian and he worked for the Pens somehow. I didn't think that I had really seen him around before so how the hell did Emma know him?
Locating her again in the crowd wasn't difficult due to the dress she was wearing. As if by chance, her eyes looked up and met mine across the room. Though we had been doing this all night, this time she held her eyes instead of looking away. One slim eyebrow rose in challenge as we stared at each other and for the first time that night, I saw how pissed off she really was.
My stomach burned with what I could only identify as shame from my purposeful actions and the steps I had taken in recent days not to talk to her or explain myself to her.
Just like that, the moment was broken and she turned her head leaving me with only a view of her lightly curled hair as she talked to her date. Without looking back I saw them walk hand in hand out of my eyesight and I felt worse than I did before.
Emma's POV:
Maybe it was cruel of me but I wanted him to suffer. I could tell just by looking into his brown eyes frequently throughout the night that he was trying to tell me that he was sorry. I still couldn't decide what he should be more sorry for- for just ignoring me without reason or because he was possibly the biggest all around jackass that I had ever had the misfortune to meet.
What was the saying about a woman scorned? That was me right now and I was just angry and frustrated enough to want to use anything I had available to me right now against him. What I did have available to me was my poor date Brian who was just nice enough not to realize that I had been engaged in a silent battle with another man all evening.
It still didn't make any sense to me whatsoever that Sidney was the one who had been pushing me along all of this time with his kisses and then with how warm and wonderful his family was- how warm and wonderful he was- and then just drop me completely as if he realized that I was mistake but was just too cowardly to tell me.
It was infuriating! And worse- it hurt like hell to be tossed aside by the one man that had consumed such a large part of my heart over the years. Actually, it was pathetic. Not that I considered myself pathetic on the whole but generally, when it came to Sidney Crosby, lets face it- I was a mess.
We weren't even together and I was a mess. Maybe it was better off that we weren't together if this is how catastrophic we were together.
"Do you want another drink?" Brian was playing the role of attentive date well and had been genuinely funny and nice the whole evening. He was engaging, intelligent, handsome- and completely wrong for me. How could I be with someone else when my mind was still stuck on someone selfish, idiotic and stupid?
"A water would be great, thanks!" I told him smiling. I wondered if I had any other single friends that I could set him up with. I watched him walk away and took a minute to collect myself and get my mind back on track and back on the man that I had brought as a date.
It was time for me to buck up and start enjoying the evening like I intended to.
"Can we talk?"
I froze hearing his voice behind me and was torn between turning like my body told me to and walking away as if I hadn't heard him. My body won.
"About what?" I asked standing near him for the first time all night.
"Can I just have a minute, outside maybe?"
I didn't want to do this right now. Not after I had finally worked out in my mind that I owed it to myself and my date not to concern myself with Sidney the whole night.
"No, not tonight."
He didn't look pleased with this answer if the sole, bulging cord on his neck was any indication. "Just 5 minutes" he told me taking a step closer as if to intimidate me with his size.
"No" I stressed the word wondering why this needed to be discussed right now. Couldn't it wait until after tonight?
Both of us were angry and I could practically feel the air crackle between us thanks to the frustrated energy now bubbling over.
"What is your problem?" he hissed at me shushing me before the outraged noise could errupt from my mouth.
"My problem? My problem? Are you insane Crosby?" This time I didn't bother to keep my voice down elliciting confused looks from those arond us.
"Keep your voice down" he hissed sliding back into Sidney Crosby: popular NHL player and master of not making a scene rather than the Sidney I needed him to be. A Sidney that would admit that he was wrong and leave me alone for awhile.
"I can't deal with you right now" I stated taking a big step back, almost bumping into Kris Letang who looked embarrassed to be caught in the crossfire. I apologized before scooting around him in the crowd looking for an escape. I just needed air. Once I had air, I would be able to go back inside. Out on the Guerin's enormous backyard patio, I felt better letting the cold air rush over me and instantly cool me off.
"Em, seriously, let's go back inside. It's freezing out here."
Rolling my eyes, I turned to where Sidney was standing, partially hidden by the shadows. He still looked angry at me which I was fine with. I was still angry at him too. "I need air."
"Okay, so take some air. Just don't freeze to death" he said slipping out of his blazer and holding it out to me.
"Okay, I won't freeze to death. You can leave now" I stated wishing now more than anything that he would finally leave me be. Funny how the one person you find yourself always wanting to be around can also be the one person to make you physically wish to leave your own skin just to get some distance from them sometimes.
"Why are you being so stubborn? I realize that I was an ass for not-"
"Ass doesn't even begin to cover it, Sidney" I deadpanned.
"Well maybe I would be able to explain if you didn't keep interrupting me."
We were both close to yelling at each other again and I didn't like the look in his eyes. He looked at me like I was Ovechkin or something.
"Could you please leave me alone?" I asked again, almost pleading with him now.
"No. We need to talk" he stated again crossing to where I was standing. I stared down at the hands that were flexing by his sides before they reached out to grasp my elbows and hold me gently in place. "Leave with me?"
My stomach fluttered at the intensity of his voice and I had to take a deep breath before shaking my head no. "I'm here with someone else" I reminded him, my thoughts darting back to Brian for the first time in 10 minutes.
"You don't have to be" Sidney said surprising me with the sudden slyness of his voice.
"Yes, I do." I tried to break free of his hands but to no avail. I was still locked firmly in place it seemed with barely any effort on his part to hold me there.
"No you don't" he stated again. The self-assurance in his voice was unbelievably arrogant and triggered my pent up anger like nothing else.
"What was that for?" he asked finally dropping his hold on my arms to clutch at his now stinging cheek. As far as I was concerned, he deserved to be slapped for his know it all attitude- among other things.
"Nothing that you don't deserve" I told him taking twisted delight in the way his eyes sparked back at me.
Not saying another word, he grasped my hand tightly with the authority a mother might take with a petulant child and dragged me back inside despite my protests. He gave me just enough time to frantically look for Eliza or Vero, anyone who would help me out. Eliza spotted me first and I looked to her for help but instead she smiled and waved then turned her back on me.
I didn't even have my purse as Sidney ignored everyone else and led me out the door into the cold night.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Chapter 28
Sorry guys! This is necessary filler that will hopefully help you guys better understand what's going on. I know that people are confused why Sid is playing hot and cold with Emma but these two are complicated characters and this is important to where they are going.
Don't worry, it's about to get fun when Emma starts to mess with him :)
Emma's POV:
The flight home from Nova Scotia was so uneventful that even days later, I still didn't have much to say even though both Eliza and Vero were pressing me for details.
"Seriously, even Max wants to know what happened over Christmas! He said Sid's been even more terrible than usual and then I have to listen to him bitch about it" Eliza stated taking a sip of her drink.
Since I had nothing really to say about those three days in Nova Scotia, besides the fact that his family had been great, I had been avoiding everyone just so that I didn't have to talk about it. Until now, because somehow Vero had convinced me that we needed a girl's night out instead of watching the Pens game like we usually did.
"Seriously, it's not that big of a deal. I think we were finally coming to an agreement and getting somewhere and then all of the sudden he acts like it never happened and now we're back here." I was trying to play it off like it was no big deal. Maybe if I lied enough to everyone else then I could trick myself into believing the shit I was actually saying.
"Wait, wait, wait" Eliza said holding up her hand to stop me. "What do you mean that 'you were getting somewhere?" she questioned looking decidedly happy. "Did you guys finally get around to having sex?!"
I winced in embarrassment from how loud she had said the last part and shrunk down in my chair. Not everyone in the bar needed to hear that I may or may not have having sex.
"No, we didn't" I hissed trying to knock the smug looks off of their faces. Just because they were both having amazing sex with men that loved them didn't mean that we had to talk about how I wasn't. God, when was the last time that I had had sex anyway?
The thought was disturbing.
"We were close at one point but we didn't have sex" I confessed.
"Well, who stopped it from going too far?" Vero questioned.
Wait, who had stopped it? I didn't actually remember anymore even though it was just a couple of days ago. Was it mutual? Hadn't we both put the brakes on?
"I don't actually remember" I confessed staring back at the looks of disbelief on their faces. Once again, it was obvious that they just weren't going to understand. Did they even remember how awkward and difficult it was at the beginning of a new relationship? "That's not the important part. The important part is that afterwards we talked and agreed to see where the relationship would blossom. Then we go to sleep, wake up, have a great day together and then wham. All of the sudden he doesn't even want to talk or look at me."
"So it just happened like that? Without anything that would have triggered a fight?"
Believe me Vero, I'm just as confused as you are.
"Yes! We didn't talk the entire way back, grabbed our bags at the baggage claim, said 'see you later' and went off on our separate ways. I still have no idea what happened to make him change his mind so suddenly and maybe it's better that I don't know."
We all sat in silence for a moment and I wanted another drink. Maybe some grain alcohol would do the trick. Even Sidney Crosby wasn't infallible in the face of grain alcohol.
"I hate to say it but I think that this is a classic case of Sidney being Sidney" Eliza stated. Vero nodded along wisely but I had no idea what she was talking about. Was 'Sidney' it's own defined word now and I was supposed to understand exactly what that meant?
"What?"
"Okay, we all agree that Sidney is pretty much the most noble guy that we all know, correct?" Eliza verified. "Well I think that this is a classic case of Sidney trying to be Sidney and protect you or something like that."
"What?" I asked blinking at her in disbelief. "That's ridiculous. What could he possibly be protecting me from? It's not like I don't know who and what he is. We've been friends for years!"
"Well Sidney wouldn't think of it like that- he would think that he's protecting you" Vero stated.
"But from what? What could he possibly be protecting me from? I already know that he thinks about hockey 99 percent of the time and that he travels all of the time too. What else is there that would really be a deal breaker for me?"
"Well for most other women, those would be big deal breakers sweetie. Maybe Sid just doesn't know that those aren't dealbreakers for you."
What she said made sense but it didn't make it any less hurtful or any less stupid. If what she said was true, then who was he to decide what was best for me? I would have thought that he would recognize by now that only I made decisions about my life- no one else, especially not him.
"What an asshole!" I exclaimed drinking back the contents of my margarita. Jose Cuervo was becoming one of my good friends tonight. "How can he just decide this without even talking to me first! We agreed to talk!"
"Honey, I know you're mad and everything but-" I cut Eliza off with a glare.
"Don't 'but' me or try to defend him. He's an asshole." I was completely furious with him for just brushing me aside like this and with myself for actually getting my hopes up and believing that something good could come from being with Sidney. He would never LET anything good happen between us.
"Just talk to him" Vero suggested. "We're all going to the Guerin's for New Years Eve and I don't want you two being awkward or fighting the whole time."
Great, New Years. I had almost forgotten all about that and now, regardless of what Eliza and Vero wanted, it would be awkward between Sidney and I and I would be ringing in the New Year alone, once again.
"Can I bring a date with me?" I asked suddenly getting an idea and running with it. Did I really have to be alone this year? Even getting to know someone new would be more fun than sulking in a corner or pretending that I really didn't care about him all night. Wouldn't someone else be the perfect distraction for me?
"Em, I'm not sure that that's the best idea right now" Eliza said hesitantly glancing to Vero for support. "I mean, you two still need to sit down and talk and-"
"Em, you'd only be dragging someone else in between you and Sid but that doesn't actually fix anything" Vero added obviously trying to drum some reason into me.
"No, actually it does fix things. It will show him once and for all that he can't just drag me around and expect that I'll be grateful to him for 'protecting' me."
In fact, this might just be the best idea that I've had in a long time.
Sid's POV:
"What the fuck happened to you over Christmas?" Staalsy questioned whipping his wet towel into my face. "Even you're not normally this uptight."
"Fuck off" I told him pulling my practice jersey up over my head. I was trying not to keep track of the number of times that I had snarled at someone in the past two days but it was getting harder and harder not to notice that that was becoming my primary form of communication.
"No seriously, you're a mess" Talbot commented sitting down in his stall next to mine. "Did something happen with your Dad?"
"No, just drop it" I asked him, hoping to get out of there early today and spend the rest of the day cooling off and not thinking about Emma.
"Well then cut the attitude" Max advised looking around at the rest of the guys changing in the locker room. "It's bad enough that we've lost two games in a row, we don't need our captain biting our heads off on top of that."
He had a point. I was so distracted by everything going on in my own life that for one of the first times in a long time, my personal life was affecting my professional life and I had zero patience for those around me. Selfishness wasn't exactly a good trait for a captain to have.
"You need to get laid" Staalsy stated pulling his t-shirt over his head. Of course it was that simple for him. He was a great player and member of the team but he was never hounded by the media or forced to hold press conferences like I was. He could have the professional life and the personal life and do both without huge complications- I couldn't.
It was also a problem that the only woman I wanted to be with right now was the same woman I was pushing away. Just picturing her again laughing with my family or talking to Taylor in the kitchen, warm eyes sparkling and sunny smile, set me on edge all over again leaving me back at square one.
I still wanted her and I couldn't have her. Though I hadn't seen her in a couple of days, I was positive that she hated me for how I had left everything.
"Take your own advice and leave the Kid alone" Talbo said stepping in and flicking Jordan with his own towel. Once it was relatively clear around us, Max spoke up.
"So let me guess. You did something to piss Emma off and now she won't talk to you?" For once in his life, Max knew when to keep his voice level down and I had to give it up to Eliza for having such a good influence on him these past few years.
"In a nutshell, yes. There's more to it than that but yeah, pretty much."
"Well what are you going to do about it?" he asked. "We're all tired of you acting like a little bitch just because you screwed things up. Go talk to her" he pressed.
The last thing I wanted to do was piss her off more but I knew I wasn't helping matters by not talking to her either. Glancing at my watch, I saw that it was close to lunch time. If I could catch her on her lunch break or get her to have dinner with me tonight, we could clear the air a little bit and get things back to the way they were.
Max grinned and announced to the rest of the guys in the room that he had fixed the problem and left me alone to get dressed. Maybe it wasn't fixed but it was definitely on its way to getting better.
Hopefully.
Don't worry, it's about to get fun when Emma starts to mess with him :)
Emma's POV:
The flight home from Nova Scotia was so uneventful that even days later, I still didn't have much to say even though both Eliza and Vero were pressing me for details.
"Seriously, even Max wants to know what happened over Christmas! He said Sid's been even more terrible than usual and then I have to listen to him bitch about it" Eliza stated taking a sip of her drink.
Since I had nothing really to say about those three days in Nova Scotia, besides the fact that his family had been great, I had been avoiding everyone just so that I didn't have to talk about it. Until now, because somehow Vero had convinced me that we needed a girl's night out instead of watching the Pens game like we usually did.
"Seriously, it's not that big of a deal. I think we were finally coming to an agreement and getting somewhere and then all of the sudden he acts like it never happened and now we're back here." I was trying to play it off like it was no big deal. Maybe if I lied enough to everyone else then I could trick myself into believing the shit I was actually saying.
"Wait, wait, wait" Eliza said holding up her hand to stop me. "What do you mean that 'you were getting somewhere?" she questioned looking decidedly happy. "Did you guys finally get around to having sex?!"
I winced in embarrassment from how loud she had said the last part and shrunk down in my chair. Not everyone in the bar needed to hear that I may or may not have having sex.
"No, we didn't" I hissed trying to knock the smug looks off of their faces. Just because they were both having amazing sex with men that loved them didn't mean that we had to talk about how I wasn't. God, when was the last time that I had had sex anyway?
The thought was disturbing.
"We were close at one point but we didn't have sex" I confessed.
"Well, who stopped it from going too far?" Vero questioned.
Wait, who had stopped it? I didn't actually remember anymore even though it was just a couple of days ago. Was it mutual? Hadn't we both put the brakes on?
"I don't actually remember" I confessed staring back at the looks of disbelief on their faces. Once again, it was obvious that they just weren't going to understand. Did they even remember how awkward and difficult it was at the beginning of a new relationship? "That's not the important part. The important part is that afterwards we talked and agreed to see where the relationship would blossom. Then we go to sleep, wake up, have a great day together and then wham. All of the sudden he doesn't even want to talk or look at me."
"So it just happened like that? Without anything that would have triggered a fight?"
Believe me Vero, I'm just as confused as you are.
"Yes! We didn't talk the entire way back, grabbed our bags at the baggage claim, said 'see you later' and went off on our separate ways. I still have no idea what happened to make him change his mind so suddenly and maybe it's better that I don't know."
We all sat in silence for a moment and I wanted another drink. Maybe some grain alcohol would do the trick. Even Sidney Crosby wasn't infallible in the face of grain alcohol.
"I hate to say it but I think that this is a classic case of Sidney being Sidney" Eliza stated. Vero nodded along wisely but I had no idea what she was talking about. Was 'Sidney' it's own defined word now and I was supposed to understand exactly what that meant?
"What?"
"Okay, we all agree that Sidney is pretty much the most noble guy that we all know, correct?" Eliza verified. "Well I think that this is a classic case of Sidney trying to be Sidney and protect you or something like that."
"What?" I asked blinking at her in disbelief. "That's ridiculous. What could he possibly be protecting me from? It's not like I don't know who and what he is. We've been friends for years!"
"Well Sidney wouldn't think of it like that- he would think that he's protecting you" Vero stated.
"But from what? What could he possibly be protecting me from? I already know that he thinks about hockey 99 percent of the time and that he travels all of the time too. What else is there that would really be a deal breaker for me?"
"Well for most other women, those would be big deal breakers sweetie. Maybe Sid just doesn't know that those aren't dealbreakers for you."
What she said made sense but it didn't make it any less hurtful or any less stupid. If what she said was true, then who was he to decide what was best for me? I would have thought that he would recognize by now that only I made decisions about my life- no one else, especially not him.
"What an asshole!" I exclaimed drinking back the contents of my margarita. Jose Cuervo was becoming one of my good friends tonight. "How can he just decide this without even talking to me first! We agreed to talk!"
"Honey, I know you're mad and everything but-" I cut Eliza off with a glare.
"Don't 'but' me or try to defend him. He's an asshole." I was completely furious with him for just brushing me aside like this and with myself for actually getting my hopes up and believing that something good could come from being with Sidney. He would never LET anything good happen between us.
"Just talk to him" Vero suggested. "We're all going to the Guerin's for New Years Eve and I don't want you two being awkward or fighting the whole time."
Great, New Years. I had almost forgotten all about that and now, regardless of what Eliza and Vero wanted, it would be awkward between Sidney and I and I would be ringing in the New Year alone, once again.
"Can I bring a date with me?" I asked suddenly getting an idea and running with it. Did I really have to be alone this year? Even getting to know someone new would be more fun than sulking in a corner or pretending that I really didn't care about him all night. Wouldn't someone else be the perfect distraction for me?
"Em, I'm not sure that that's the best idea right now" Eliza said hesitantly glancing to Vero for support. "I mean, you two still need to sit down and talk and-"
"Em, you'd only be dragging someone else in between you and Sid but that doesn't actually fix anything" Vero added obviously trying to drum some reason into me.
"No, actually it does fix things. It will show him once and for all that he can't just drag me around and expect that I'll be grateful to him for 'protecting' me."
In fact, this might just be the best idea that I've had in a long time.
Sid's POV:
"What the fuck happened to you over Christmas?" Staalsy questioned whipping his wet towel into my face. "Even you're not normally this uptight."
"Fuck off" I told him pulling my practice jersey up over my head. I was trying not to keep track of the number of times that I had snarled at someone in the past two days but it was getting harder and harder not to notice that that was becoming my primary form of communication.
"No seriously, you're a mess" Talbot commented sitting down in his stall next to mine. "Did something happen with your Dad?"
"No, just drop it" I asked him, hoping to get out of there early today and spend the rest of the day cooling off and not thinking about Emma.
"Well then cut the attitude" Max advised looking around at the rest of the guys changing in the locker room. "It's bad enough that we've lost two games in a row, we don't need our captain biting our heads off on top of that."
He had a point. I was so distracted by everything going on in my own life that for one of the first times in a long time, my personal life was affecting my professional life and I had zero patience for those around me. Selfishness wasn't exactly a good trait for a captain to have.
"You need to get laid" Staalsy stated pulling his t-shirt over his head. Of course it was that simple for him. He was a great player and member of the team but he was never hounded by the media or forced to hold press conferences like I was. He could have the professional life and the personal life and do both without huge complications- I couldn't.
It was also a problem that the only woman I wanted to be with right now was the same woman I was pushing away. Just picturing her again laughing with my family or talking to Taylor in the kitchen, warm eyes sparkling and sunny smile, set me on edge all over again leaving me back at square one.
I still wanted her and I couldn't have her. Though I hadn't seen her in a couple of days, I was positive that she hated me for how I had left everything.
"Take your own advice and leave the Kid alone" Talbo said stepping in and flicking Jordan with his own towel. Once it was relatively clear around us, Max spoke up.
"So let me guess. You did something to piss Emma off and now she won't talk to you?" For once in his life, Max knew when to keep his voice level down and I had to give it up to Eliza for having such a good influence on him these past few years.
"In a nutshell, yes. There's more to it than that but yeah, pretty much."
"Well what are you going to do about it?" he asked. "We're all tired of you acting like a little bitch just because you screwed things up. Go talk to her" he pressed.
The last thing I wanted to do was piss her off more but I knew I wasn't helping matters by not talking to her either. Glancing at my watch, I saw that it was close to lunch time. If I could catch her on her lunch break or get her to have dinner with me tonight, we could clear the air a little bit and get things back to the way they were.
Max grinned and announced to the rest of the guys in the room that he had fixed the problem and left me alone to get dressed. Maybe it wasn't fixed but it was definitely on its way to getting better.
Hopefully.
Chapter 27
Oh ladies, how your comments cheer me up! Everyone's reactions to Sid's douchebaggery and Emma's cluelessness was what I needed to keep writing. You're all hilarious, Enjoy :)
Hopefully this chapter completes the last one a little bit better and fills in some of the gaps!
Emma's POV:
My mind was still reeling from the previous night's event and the epic forehead kiss as Sidney and I both said goodbye to his parents and Taylor at the airport.
"Come visit again soon, okay?" Taylor mumbled as she hugged me tightly. I took this as a good sign that somehow over the past three days, I had won her over.
"We'll see each other soon" I promised squeezing her back. "You're coming down in a few weeks right?"
She nodded and let me go turning me over to Trina. "We'll be down to visit Sid in February. It would be great to see you while we're there" Trina commented squeezing me tightly like Taylor had and making it that much harder to say goodbye to them.
"We'll definitely have to catch a game together" I said trying to keep a smile on my face. Being with them was like being with a real family and even though I would always have the Lemieuxs, these past couple of days with the Crosbys had just felt different. More special somehow.
"Ready to leave?" Sidney asked setting a brief hand on my lower back. It was the closest he had come to touching me all morning and though he liked to pretend that I couldn't tell, he had put up a wall between us for no reason. At least not for a reason that actually made sense.
"Sure, thanks for having me Mr. Crosby" I said grinning and sticking out my hand for him to shake. He looked at it sternly for a moment but I knew he was only trying to mess with me. He grinned back and shook my hand pulling me into a brief and unexpected hug. For such a large, scary looking man, he was actually just a big softie.
"You'll keep an eye on him won't you Emma?" Troy joked looking over to Sid and winking.
Imagine that, Troy Crosby actually winked and joked with his son. This family was amazing.
"Uh, they're calling our flight" Sidney said blushing slightly and looking anxious to depart his family. I knew for a fact that our flight didn't leave for another 45 minutes but I overlooked this in favor of maybe having a few minutes alone with him and figure out what had triggered his strange mood.
After one last goodbye, Sidney and I began the quick process of getting through security (thanks to his famous name) and disappeared on the other side of the gate where we would catch our flight. I noticed that Sidney pulled his hat down lower over his face and slouched his shoulders slightly in an effort to go unnoticed. The idea that he could pretend to be someone else in a part of Canada where he was literally worshipped was laughable.
Adorable even.
I was still high off of how wonderful this weekend had turned out and wanted to point out all of the funny things I was observing in the airport but Sidney's silent demeanor prevented me from opening my mouth. We continued to walk to our gate and both plopped down unloading our bags at our feet.
Something was definitely up. He hadn't touched me save for the brief hand on my back this morning but that didn't count considering it was mostly to push me along in the airport. He hadn't even kissed me.
"Is everything okay?" I questioned looking at him pointedly not looking at me. I thought that we had finally reached some sort of understanding between us and it had definitely seemed like we had agreed to see where things went between us. But now....?
"Yeah, why?" he questioned leaning down to pull out a magazine from the top of his duffel bag.
"No reason" I stated dryly. It was hard not to notice that he was trying to ignore me for doing something that I was unaware of. I stared at him for another moment willing his eyes to meet mine and smile. Anything to reassure me that there wasn't something wrong with us already- before we could even claim to have really started.
"I'm going for a walk" I announced even though I wasn't sure that he cared. He nodded slightly and I knew that he had at least noticed that I was walking away from him.
Now a safe distance away, I took the time to use the restroom and feel some level of comfort from being in room designated solely to women. No presence of men, no male voices, no reminders of how even the good ones usually turned out to be assholes. Just the solace of being in a quiet room where men were explicitly not supposed to be.
I was achieving a better, zen like state until I noticed that two teenagers had walked in and were in fact babbling on and on about their boyfriends and something cute that one of them had done. My zone had been breached by talk of the enemy. Great.
Sighing I glanced down at my watch noting that I still had about 20 minutes until the plane would begin to board. Since I didn't actually feel like spending that time with Sidney, I walked off in search of a magazine stand. Nothing like the lives of others to distract you from your own problems.
Sid's POV:
It sucked but I felt like I was doing the right thing by putting some space between us.
She thought that I didn't notice her leave but living under a baseball hat for the past couple of years had enabled me to see more than most people could while trying to remain anonymous. I hadn't thought that it would feel as shitty as it did to see her walk away, even just for a magazine, but it had. It felt like shit and I was a piece of shit for not having the guts to talk to her.
Instead I was letting her think that something was wrong with her when really the problem was with me. I had been pushing her, pushing both of us in one direction, and now I was unexpectedly pulling back- and she didn't have a clue why.
Still, this felt like the right thing to do, this whole putting space between us deal. Emma bounced back from things quickly and wasn't vindictive enough to hold a real grudge. The closest she had ever come to really being mad at me was a few years ago before we were even really friends and I didn't think that that counted. Even if she was mad or confused initially, it would be better than letting things really develop between us and then hurt her later down the road.
Our plane would be leaving soon and I spotted her walking back to the gate, an armful of magazines in hand as she spoke to someone on the phone. Even though I knew that I was a coward, I was relieved that whoever was talking to her on the phone sounded as if they were keeping her busy. Once we were on the plane, I could pretend to sleep the whole way back.
Emma's POV:
My mom called.
Of course she would call on what was quickly becoming my least favorite day of the year. Of course.
"Hey mom!" I answered feigning excitement like I had trained myself to do over the past few years.
"Merry Christmas!" she greeted me sounding remarkably happy. But then again, she was off somewhere with her new boyfriend and didn't have any real problems to plague her life. At least none that she would actually address anyway.
"Did you enjoy your time with Nathalie and Mario?" she questioned. I heard a male voice murmuring in the background and I took that as a sign that she was indeed with her new boyfriend.
"I actually didn't spend the holiday in Pittsburgh this year" I told her. I could have sworn that I had told her this awhile ago but since long spans of time usually passed between when we talked, I couldn't be completely sure.
"Oh?" she questioned curiously.
"I'm actually flying back to Pittsburgh now- I spent the holidays with a friend at their house" I explained turning down the volume on my voice as I got closer to Sidney and took a seat near him. I let my purse sit on the seat between us putting some much needed distance there. It wasn't as if he noticed anyway considering his eyes were still trained on the magazine in front of him.
"Oh that's nice!" she said breezily. I almost wanted to smile from how familiar this conversation was. Even though I always had something new to say- her responses never varied. In a twisted way, this was comforting in my current situation.
"Has your father called you?" she questioned suddenly surprising me with the degree of motherly interest in her voice. I hadn't heard that from her in.... a very long time.
"Um no, is something wrong?" Even though it was Christmas, I certainly was not waiting around for a phone call from him. I knew that eventually he would call for some reason or another but I certainly wasn't expecting a call from him on Christmas. It was enough that he had actually sent me a card this year and a set of earrings that I was contemplating returning anyway.
Strange as it was, even though the earrings were beautiful, they were yet another cold reminder of how my own parents didn't know me well enough to buy a gift that would require time and care. Still, I had to appreciate the effort that he or his secretary spent on picking them out.
"No, nothing's wrong, I just wondered if he called." It was odd how nonchalant she was being but I couldn't decide if I should probe or just let it go. It was probably better that I not ask and just take her word for it.
"Well he hasn't yet but you know Dad. There's a time difference and he'll get around to calling eventually. I can tell him hi for you if you want" I offered.
"Oh, that's not necessary sweetheart but thank you all the same."
"Okay, well I hope you're having a good holiday" I told her at a loss of what else there was to say. She had already lost interest in the conversation and so had I- so what else was I supposed to say.
Sidney had finally looked up and I watched him stare at the space between us taken up by my bag. Yeah, now you notice you jerk. Our plane was boarding and that was the excuse that I needed to get off of the phone with my mother. Once I was on the plane, I fully intended to take Sidney's cue, plug in my iPod and distract myself with magazines until we were back in Pittsburgh. Thank god I had driven myself to the airport.
As my mom and I said our goodbyes and the obligatory "I love you" and "I love you too," I marveled over saying goodbye to her hadn't affected nearly as much as saying goodbye to the Crosbys had.
Who had I become that I was now the girl who felt almost zero attachment to her birth mother and a stronger attachment to a woman that she had only known for three days? I looked over at Sidney as he stood up and picked up his duffle bag, glancing at me for the first time in an hour.
"The plane's boarding" he stated obviously. His voice wasn't devoid of emotion but it still wasn't him either. In fact, if I didn't know better at this point in our long and complicated friendship/whatever, I would think that he actually looked guilty. Sad even.
Who were either of us right now?
Hopefully this chapter completes the last one a little bit better and fills in some of the gaps!
Emma's POV:
My mind was still reeling from the previous night's event and the epic forehead kiss as Sidney and I both said goodbye to his parents and Taylor at the airport.
"Come visit again soon, okay?" Taylor mumbled as she hugged me tightly. I took this as a good sign that somehow over the past three days, I had won her over.
"We'll see each other soon" I promised squeezing her back. "You're coming down in a few weeks right?"
She nodded and let me go turning me over to Trina. "We'll be down to visit Sid in February. It would be great to see you while we're there" Trina commented squeezing me tightly like Taylor had and making it that much harder to say goodbye to them.
"We'll definitely have to catch a game together" I said trying to keep a smile on my face. Being with them was like being with a real family and even though I would always have the Lemieuxs, these past couple of days with the Crosbys had just felt different. More special somehow.
"Ready to leave?" Sidney asked setting a brief hand on my lower back. It was the closest he had come to touching me all morning and though he liked to pretend that I couldn't tell, he had put up a wall between us for no reason. At least not for a reason that actually made sense.
"Sure, thanks for having me Mr. Crosby" I said grinning and sticking out my hand for him to shake. He looked at it sternly for a moment but I knew he was only trying to mess with me. He grinned back and shook my hand pulling me into a brief and unexpected hug. For such a large, scary looking man, he was actually just a big softie.
"You'll keep an eye on him won't you Emma?" Troy joked looking over to Sid and winking.
Imagine that, Troy Crosby actually winked and joked with his son. This family was amazing.
"Uh, they're calling our flight" Sidney said blushing slightly and looking anxious to depart his family. I knew for a fact that our flight didn't leave for another 45 minutes but I overlooked this in favor of maybe having a few minutes alone with him and figure out what had triggered his strange mood.
After one last goodbye, Sidney and I began the quick process of getting through security (thanks to his famous name) and disappeared on the other side of the gate where we would catch our flight. I noticed that Sidney pulled his hat down lower over his face and slouched his shoulders slightly in an effort to go unnoticed. The idea that he could pretend to be someone else in a part of Canada where he was literally worshipped was laughable.
Adorable even.
I was still high off of how wonderful this weekend had turned out and wanted to point out all of the funny things I was observing in the airport but Sidney's silent demeanor prevented me from opening my mouth. We continued to walk to our gate and both plopped down unloading our bags at our feet.
Something was definitely up. He hadn't touched me save for the brief hand on my back this morning but that didn't count considering it was mostly to push me along in the airport. He hadn't even kissed me.
"Is everything okay?" I questioned looking at him pointedly not looking at me. I thought that we had finally reached some sort of understanding between us and it had definitely seemed like we had agreed to see where things went between us. But now....?
"Yeah, why?" he questioned leaning down to pull out a magazine from the top of his duffel bag.
"No reason" I stated dryly. It was hard not to notice that he was trying to ignore me for doing something that I was unaware of. I stared at him for another moment willing his eyes to meet mine and smile. Anything to reassure me that there wasn't something wrong with us already- before we could even claim to have really started.
"I'm going for a walk" I announced even though I wasn't sure that he cared. He nodded slightly and I knew that he had at least noticed that I was walking away from him.
Now a safe distance away, I took the time to use the restroom and feel some level of comfort from being in room designated solely to women. No presence of men, no male voices, no reminders of how even the good ones usually turned out to be assholes. Just the solace of being in a quiet room where men were explicitly not supposed to be.
I was achieving a better, zen like state until I noticed that two teenagers had walked in and were in fact babbling on and on about their boyfriends and something cute that one of them had done. My zone had been breached by talk of the enemy. Great.
Sighing I glanced down at my watch noting that I still had about 20 minutes until the plane would begin to board. Since I didn't actually feel like spending that time with Sidney, I walked off in search of a magazine stand. Nothing like the lives of others to distract you from your own problems.
Sid's POV:
It sucked but I felt like I was doing the right thing by putting some space between us.
She thought that I didn't notice her leave but living under a baseball hat for the past couple of years had enabled me to see more than most people could while trying to remain anonymous. I hadn't thought that it would feel as shitty as it did to see her walk away, even just for a magazine, but it had. It felt like shit and I was a piece of shit for not having the guts to talk to her.
Instead I was letting her think that something was wrong with her when really the problem was with me. I had been pushing her, pushing both of us in one direction, and now I was unexpectedly pulling back- and she didn't have a clue why.
Still, this felt like the right thing to do, this whole putting space between us deal. Emma bounced back from things quickly and wasn't vindictive enough to hold a real grudge. The closest she had ever come to really being mad at me was a few years ago before we were even really friends and I didn't think that that counted. Even if she was mad or confused initially, it would be better than letting things really develop between us and then hurt her later down the road.
Our plane would be leaving soon and I spotted her walking back to the gate, an armful of magazines in hand as she spoke to someone on the phone. Even though I knew that I was a coward, I was relieved that whoever was talking to her on the phone sounded as if they were keeping her busy. Once we were on the plane, I could pretend to sleep the whole way back.
Emma's POV:
My mom called.
Of course she would call on what was quickly becoming my least favorite day of the year. Of course.
"Hey mom!" I answered feigning excitement like I had trained myself to do over the past few years.
"Merry Christmas!" she greeted me sounding remarkably happy. But then again, she was off somewhere with her new boyfriend and didn't have any real problems to plague her life. At least none that she would actually address anyway.
"Did you enjoy your time with Nathalie and Mario?" she questioned. I heard a male voice murmuring in the background and I took that as a sign that she was indeed with her new boyfriend.
"I actually didn't spend the holiday in Pittsburgh this year" I told her. I could have sworn that I had told her this awhile ago but since long spans of time usually passed between when we talked, I couldn't be completely sure.
"Oh?" she questioned curiously.
"I'm actually flying back to Pittsburgh now- I spent the holidays with a friend at their house" I explained turning down the volume on my voice as I got closer to Sidney and took a seat near him. I let my purse sit on the seat between us putting some much needed distance there. It wasn't as if he noticed anyway considering his eyes were still trained on the magazine in front of him.
"Oh that's nice!" she said breezily. I almost wanted to smile from how familiar this conversation was. Even though I always had something new to say- her responses never varied. In a twisted way, this was comforting in my current situation.
"Has your father called you?" she questioned suddenly surprising me with the degree of motherly interest in her voice. I hadn't heard that from her in.... a very long time.
"Um no, is something wrong?" Even though it was Christmas, I certainly was not waiting around for a phone call from him. I knew that eventually he would call for some reason or another but I certainly wasn't expecting a call from him on Christmas. It was enough that he had actually sent me a card this year and a set of earrings that I was contemplating returning anyway.
Strange as it was, even though the earrings were beautiful, they were yet another cold reminder of how my own parents didn't know me well enough to buy a gift that would require time and care. Still, I had to appreciate the effort that he or his secretary spent on picking them out.
"No, nothing's wrong, I just wondered if he called." It was odd how nonchalant she was being but I couldn't decide if I should probe or just let it go. It was probably better that I not ask and just take her word for it.
"Well he hasn't yet but you know Dad. There's a time difference and he'll get around to calling eventually. I can tell him hi for you if you want" I offered.
"Oh, that's not necessary sweetheart but thank you all the same."
"Okay, well I hope you're having a good holiday" I told her at a loss of what else there was to say. She had already lost interest in the conversation and so had I- so what else was I supposed to say.
Sidney had finally looked up and I watched him stare at the space between us taken up by my bag. Yeah, now you notice you jerk. Our plane was boarding and that was the excuse that I needed to get off of the phone with my mother. Once I was on the plane, I fully intended to take Sidney's cue, plug in my iPod and distract myself with magazines until we were back in Pittsburgh. Thank god I had driven myself to the airport.
As my mom and I said our goodbyes and the obligatory "I love you" and "I love you too," I marveled over saying goodbye to her hadn't affected nearly as much as saying goodbye to the Crosbys had.
Who had I become that I was now the girl who felt almost zero attachment to her birth mother and a stronger attachment to a woman that she had only known for three days? I looked over at Sidney as he stood up and picked up his duffle bag, glancing at me for the first time in an hour.
"The plane's boarding" he stated obviously. His voice wasn't devoid of emotion but it still wasn't him either. In fact, if I didn't know better at this point in our long and complicated friendship/whatever, I would think that he actually looked guilty. Sad even.
Who were either of us right now?
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