I hope everyone had a happy whatever holiday they were celebrating! Sorry this update is so late but I kept finishing it and then I would re-read and keep adding it. This chapter was really fun for me to write so I didn't want to stop and I hope you all like the ending. :)
Also, don't expect any updates for the next week as I will be out of the country. Hope everyone enjoys the rest of whatever break from school and work you have and enjoy a safe and fun New Year!!!
Emma's POV:
The rest of the day passed by quickly as Christmas Eve wound down and Sidney's little cousins got more and more anxious for the coming morning. Their excitement was infectious and I couldn't help but smile- even as I got my ass beat in a game of Scrabble to Sidney's very, very competitive aunts. After losing for the 3rd time, it was apparent that all Crosby's had a spark of the competitive nature I had previously only associated with Sidney.
"Man, you suck" I heard his voice echo behind me. Sidney leaned down to examine the tiny tiles before me and I tried to not be so affected by the feeling of his chest pressing against my back. Too late, I was totally blushing in front of his family.
"Hey! Go back to whatever you were doing and leave me alone. I'm just in a slump, that's all" I said childishly trying to cover my letters with both of my hands. He grinned turning his head to mine and I realized how close we were- close enough that I could kiss him again easily without moving my head too much.
One of his aunts cleared their throats and both of our eyes shifted over to them realizing that we had a very interested audience staring back at us.
"I believe that it's your turn sweetheart. Sidney, either sit down and kiss the girl or go away."
To my surprise, Sidney just chuckled, especially when he saw how red I got, and took a seat next to me. Even though I would not have protested if he kissed me, I wasn't big on PDA and doing any of that in front of his family would have been too much too soon.
"The first thing to learn about playing with them," he told me shifting so that we could both see my tiles, "is that they cheat." His aunts protested and I grinned at their family banter.
"So wise one, what should my next move be?" I asked him curious to see him get into scrabble but mostly I wanted him to find a word from my miserable tile choices because I was going cross-eyed trying to think of a word that included a "Q" but no vowels. In other words, it was completely impossible.
"Shit." he said softly leaning back slightly. "You really don't have any options."
His aunts laughed at his comment obviously excited that my ship was sinking once again. "Ugh, you aren't helpful, Crosby. Go back to watching your cavemen sports with the guys."
He quirked his eyebrow at me and instead of moving, pulled the tiles firmly between us on the table and ignored my comment completely.
20 minutes later we still got our asses kicked but at least now I could partially blame the loss on Sidney who had tried to spell a multitude of words with the dreaded "Q" tile and insisted that it was a "silent Q." The memory of him arguing with his aunts still had me laughing, especially since Sidney hated to lose at anything- even a game of Scrabble that he had hijacked from me.
"It's not that funny, you know" he commented pulling me down next to him on the couch and focusing his attention on the movie playing on the TV. "We just got our asses kicked by my aunts who I know cheat on a regular basis with that game."
"At least cheating and creating real words is more dignified than trying to add "Q's" to random words" I quipped smiling sweetly at him. He was about to say something back when Trina came into the room to announce that dinner was ready giving me the opportunity to hop up and ignore whatever Sidney had been about to say even though he was protesting behind me.
After a loud and hectic dinner, everyone gathered around the tree to open presents early since this was the last time during the holidays that the family would be in one place. Sidney and I had to leave in the afternoon tomorrow on Christmas day so that he could fly out again with the team the next morning and other members of the Crosby clan were also driving back to their homes tonight too.
While I was more than happy to be here watching them all open presents with each other, it was still hard to think about how close they all were with one another and remember that my parents were assholes off running around with mistresses and in my mother's case, most likely an italian gigolo.
"Here Emma, we wanted you to have this." I looked up in surprise to see Taylor standing in front of me, smiling hugely and pushing a gift into my arms. Lost in my own world, I hadn't even noticed her approaching me with such a big box.
Immediately I began to protest explaining that by no means were any of them obligated to buy me anything. I felt especially bad because I hadn't gotten any of them anything important. I had stuck to buying relatively impersonal gifts considering I hadn't met any of them before two days ago and considering how generous and sweet everyone had been over the past two days, I was now worried that their gift was going to make me feel terrible.
"Just open it" Sidney said nudging me in the side. I looked at him hesitantly before slowly unwrapping the large box and freeing it from the cheerful paper. The look in his eyes had reassured me and urged me at the same time to open the box rather than protest.
I had no idea what they could have possibly put in such a large box for me and was almost nervous as I lifted the white lid off of the top.
"What is it?" I asked curiously turning to Sidney who was smiling at me broadly. I lifted a jersey out of the paper examining it closely before turning it around and spotting "Weston" written across the back with the number 24. Even more baffling were the skates beneath the jersey. I lifted my eyes from my mystery gift and saw all of them smiling at me. Was I supposed to know what this gift meant? It wasn't that I was unappreciative, I just really didn't understand what I was supposed to do with this gift. I sucked at skating and the jersey wasn't even a Pens jersey. I actually had no idea what team the jersey was from- it definitely wasn't an NHL team.
"Okay, I'm really sorry" I stated giving in to my urge to ask what the gift meant. "What team is this jersey from? And why does it have my name on it?"
"Sidney- didn't you explain the tradition?" Trina asked also looking confused.
Internally I was a little scared. I didn't want to offend them but I truly didn't understand what team this jersey was coming from or what the tradition they were talking about was.
"Tradition?" I questioned looking down at my gift again. Everyone around me was talking excitedly but still not explaining anything to me.
"Every year we play a game of hockey on Christmas Eve and a few years ago decided to design our own special jerseys for the game. This year you'll be playing with us" Taylor explained, laughing at my look of disbelief. They had gotten me a jersey to play in their annual family game of hockey with them?
My eyes welled up with tears before I could help it and Sidney's face immediately fell in disappointment.
"I'm so sorry" I blurted out trying to contain the tears that were on the verge of flowing down my cheeks.
"Why are you crying?" Sidney asked looking worried. "You don't have to play if you don't want to. We just thought that-"
I cut him off not wanting him to apologize for so perfect a gift. Instead I gathered him in a hug squeezing him quickly and whispering "thank you" in his ear. I let go of him and stood up facing his befuddled family.
"I'm crying because I'm happy, I promise" I joked smiling and wiping my cheeks quickly. "It was just a really thoughtful and unexpected gift, so thank you."
"So, it's okay?" Sidney asked me again after I had taken my seat next to him back on the couch.
"It's more than okay" I told him squeezing his hand that had somehow found its way into mine. "I was just really surprised and it's incredibly sweet for you all to go through that trouble for me."
He looked at me, holding my gaze with an expression I suddenly didn't understand and squeezed my hand tighter before letting go and not saying anything at all.
Soon every gift was unwrapped and the room was full of commotion as everyone got up to put on coats and get ready to leave for the ice rink. After the scene I had made about receiving the gift, I had completely forgotten to mention to Sidney about how bad I was at skating.
"Seriously, I'm terrible" I confessed knowing that I was going to look stupid amongst this athletically gifted family. How could Sidney even be interested in me when I wasn't proficient in skating? Wasn't that some sort of automatic requirement with him?
Trina who had overheard me confessing my fears to Sidney in the foyer laughed and told me not to worry. "I play too but don't worry, I'm just as bad. After over 25 years of marriage, Troy still hasn't managed to teach me how to skate well. It's all in good fun anyway."
This was mildly reassuring but I knew Sidney. If he was involved, this game wasn't going to be taken lightly. He would find a way to make it intense as if it were game 7 of the playoff finals all over again. It was one thing to love watching hockey and seeing Sidney play, but it was another thing all together to find myself on skates actually facing him as an opponent. And I would have to face him- Trina had informed me that the game was always divided- men against women.
Still feeling skeptical of this whole hockey game thing, I feigned enthusiasm walking in with the rest of the ladies and heading to our bench inside the local hockey rink that had been rented for the night. Since everyone else seemed to be seasoned skaters (of course they would be), I was the last one to leave the bench and wobble my way over to the entrance onto the ice where everyone else had already gathered. I didn't want to be that girl that couldn't hold her own during something like this- especially since they had so generously invited me to partake of this family tradition.
"Skates tight enough?" Troy asked spotting me first on the ice. Umm...they felt tight enough so I nodded satisfying him enough to skate away and bark out orders to the others.
The ladies called a team meeting before the game officially started so that we could strategize and figure out who would be in what position on the team. Taylor was goalie, Sidney's aunts were going to hold up our defense and the rest of us were assigned to various forward positions leaving me thankfully to play as a winger in the middle. If I was in the middle blending, then I at least had the chance to look somewhat competent on the ice because everyone would be paying attention to the goalie and the top line forwards.
"Ready to lose, Weston?" Sidney mocked skating by me in his goalie pads.
"Yeah whatever" I mumbled back childishly knowing that I would be having way more fun if I was watching this game instead of playing in it. I loved watching hockey- emphasis on the watching. Besides, the bastard already thought that he had this game in the bag. It was evident by the way he cockily skated over to his net and winked back at me.
An hour later we were down 2-1 with the guys skating around us now like they owned the game. Both teams had regrouped with a timeout and now after listening to Theresa, one of Sidney's cousins, and her inspirational pep-talks, we all agreed that it was time to get serious if we wanted to win.
So far I had managed to avoid the puck for long periods of time, but now as the game was winding down with the score now even at 2-2 thanks to Trina, the rest of the ladies were getting a little desperate and passing the puck to me more than ever even though I obviously looked like I really didn't want it.
Theresa passed the puck to me again to avoid having it stolen from her and I felt my body seize up again as I frantically looked around for someone to pass off to. I heard someone tell me to keep moving and heard Taylor's cries of "Go!" from the opposite end of the rink from where she was still in goal. In my panic I managed to move around Sidney's uncle with the puck, my body now operating on auto-pilot. Now the only thing standing in between me and not having a heart attack was Sidney, in goal, smirking at me like he had this. He knew that he had this in the bag and was smirking at me because of it.
I paused in front of the goal feeling inexplicably angry at him for just assuming things and also from the adrenaline pumping through my blood. I continued to let my body act on it's own as I brought my arm back into a full slapshot position, feeling relieved when I finally let go of everything in explosive release. Maybe this was the satisfactio that Sidney felt everytime he played. It was the ultimate physical feeling and out of body experience combined into one. It was simply the body acting on its own, moving as naturally as a body should.
Realizing that my eyes had been closed all along, I opened them up to find Sidney sprawled out on the ground, the puck resting safely behind him well within the confines of the net. Next thing I knew, I was surrounded by my teammates all hugging me and dancing as best as they could on skates. I was too shocked that I actually scored the game winning goal to fully process Taylor's hysterical laughter and what she kept trying to tell me in between taking big gasps of air.
"What did you say?" I asked over the buzz of voices and Crosby's surrounding us.
"I said, you hit Sidney so hard with your shot, that you knocked him down on the ice!"
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Chapter 24
Seriously, you guys are so amazing. Thank you so much for sticking by my story with me and still reading even though I've been slow to update lately. Also, I love all of your comments so much and how supportive they are. I literally did a happy dance this morning when I looked today and realized how many followers I have. That's amazing and so lovely :) Enjoy the chapter.
Emma's POV:
I wake up the next morning to white light and the sound of the creepy salesguy selling a "Slap-Chop" on TV.
It isn't until I shift attempting to find the remote that I realize I'm not alone in bed and nor is it really my bed. I'm also pinned down by the weight of a leg draped heavily over mine and the feeling of warm breath puffing lightly on my neck as my face is burrowed into someone's chest. I can't help but smile contentedly when I realize it's Sidney wrapped around me in bed. A year ago I would have had a heart attack if this had been happening to me or I would have laughed. Or both. But now, it's real. And I grin even more when I realize how much of a cuddler he is.
From my past experience with men, there's a definite difference in how men sleep next to a woman. Sure, it's nice when a guy wants to share his space and sleep next to you all night. It shows a level of respect and commitment and in the very least says "hey, I like you enough to not have sex with you and then leave." But even within this category, there's a difference with how men sleep next to a woman. Some guys wrap a light arm around you and some women mistake this and tell their girlfriends how they were "held" all night long, mistaking the gesture for true affection. Being held is different. There's a level of affection that transcends the respect he has for not leaving you immediately after sex. When he holds you, he's letting you know that he actually cares. Something about the way that his hands hold your body in place and how his hands curl around your skin says more than anything else that he's capable of expressing. You just know that you're cared for by this person and it's miraculous.
I try my hardest not to apply my own theory of holding to my current situation or dwell on the fact that no man has ever held me like he's holding me, even though we merely fell asleep together. Or rather I fell asleep first but still, we're still here and it's his arms holding me in place tightly against his body and keeping me warm. In fact, he's holding me so tightly that I have to crane my head around to try to see where a clock is in the room. I'm positive we both forgot to set an alarm last night and we are supposed to be at his parent's house early to eat breakfast and spend Christmas Eve with the rest of his family.
Gently picking up his wrist I examine the watch he neglected to take off the night before. When I read the time, my jaw drops open in surprise and I swear loudly.
"Shit! Sidney, wake up" I tell him panicking about how late it is. He ignores me rolling over onto his back and pulling me with him still deep in sleep. I never would have taken him for a guy that liked to sleep in given his dilligent workout schedule and his crazy normal schedule but here he is, ignoring me and snoring softly as he sleeps the morning away.
"Sidney" I repeat this time reaching out to brush hair from his forehead hoping my touch will wake him up. He doesn't stir and I'm forced to move onto slightly more violent tactics. I shove at his chest calling his name again until he jolts awake probably just as startled as I was to find out that I was not alone in bed.
"What? What happened?" he asks groggily, sending shivers down my spine with the thick sound of his voice.
"We didn't set an alarm" I inform him already missing the heat of his body as we both sit up and I climb out of bed. "I can hurry if you can hurry" I tell him watching him rub the sleep from his eyes and blink at me silently.
"What time is it?" He asks propping himself up so that he can pick up the clock ticking idly on his nightstand. "Shit! Okay, 20 minutes?" he asks me. I nod and take off rushing into the shower and hoping for a miracle that will allow me to get ready and still look decent in such a short amount of time. 20 minutes later I'm not entirely sure that I've washed all of the shampoo out of my hair but I'm clean and I think I look nice enough to spend the day in his family's company again. In the daylight, I take in Sidney's house again enjoying the simple colors and how airy and big all of the rooms seem to be. It's not a big house but it seems larger with the high ceilings and windows that line up along the back of the house, overlooking all of the water.
"Ready for day two?" I hear him question as he appears behind me smiling and handing me a to-go cup of coffee. In my rush this morning, I hadn't wondered what we would do now after our talk last night. Do we kiss each other good morning? Do we pretend that it never happened? Even though my mind is running a mile a minute, Sidney answers my questions by reaching over and pulling me closer. His eyes are on mine as he kisses me slowly, letting me languish in the moment and the feeling of his tongue gliding with ease over mine.
He pulls away and I'm about to question it and probably whine about it when I realize that he's laughing.
"What?" I ask not finding the distance between our mouths funny at all.
"I just wanted to make sure that we really did talk last night" he jokes ducking away from me when I try to hit his arm.
"Just to punish you, I should pretend that I have no idea what you're talking about."
"You wouldn't do that, you're too nice to play games" he says shaking his head at me and egging our little banter on.
"Try me, Crosby" I challenge feeling ecstatic that it's me who has the priviledge of flirting with him on a cold, beautiful morning.
"I'd rather not risk it right now" he says shrugging into his coat and leading me out to his car. More snow has fallen over night leaving the SUV's windshields covered up in snow. Between the two of us we're able to uncover the car in a few minutes and are surprisingly on the road only 5 minutes late so far.
"Do you think we should call and let them know we'll be late?"
"Hmm?" he asks taking his eyes off of the road to glance at me. "Why would we call?" he asks again. Why wouldn't we call is what I want to know.
"Won't your Mom be mad?" I ask genuinely puzzled by the fact that he's not thinking about this at all.
"Nah, it's not really a big deal" he shrugs turning the heat up higher in the car. "We're not that late and they'll understand."
I lean back in the seat relaxing now that I remember that Sidney's family is actually nice. They'll understand if we're a little late for breakfast because they're normal. Unlike my parent's who would have already started without us if we were late and then lectured us for the rest of the meal on the merits of punctuality. "Oh" is all I say choosing to keep my mouth shut and enjoy being around a normal family other than the Lemieuxs for once.
When we pull up to the house, it's Sidney who groans at the sight of all of the cars lined up and down the street and bumper to bumper in front of the house. "It's too early for all of this" he whines turning the car off and removing the keys from the ignition.
"What are you talking about?" Didn't he know all of these people were coming? Even I knew since Taylor had filled me in the day before, giving me the who's who of the Crosby clan.
"No, I knew." He sighs and there's just enough behind the sigh to make me worry a little bit. "They're going to ask you a million questions" he says making it sound more like a warning than anything else.
"And I guess I'll have to have a million answers " I respond still curious as to why he's acting this way.
"No, I mean they'll want to know why I brought you with me. They're a lot less subtle that my parents and Taylor."
"Oh" I say realizing that we're moving back into complicated territory again. We agreed to take things slow and not put labels on anything but how are we supposed to do that when a situation like this demands a label? "We'll just tell them the truth" I say stepping in front of him. "We're friends no matter what so we'll stick with that."
"I just don't want them to make you uncomfortable" he says still looking very serious.
"I'll be fine, seriously" I reassure him grinning at the expression on his face. "Sidney, I'm serious. It's your family- not a war zone."
"That's what you think" he replies dryly leading me up the front steps where I can already hear a million voices chattering away inside. "We should have an 'abort' signal if you need air at any point during the day."
"You're a child" I say hanging my coat up next to his in the closet by the front door. He pretends to be offended by this and tugs on the ends of my hair teasing me and proving my point exactly as we laugh and walk into the kitchen where everyone's gathered and fighting for food.
I'm introduced by Mrs. Crosby who now has me calling her Trina and I'm quickly separated from Sidney and absorbed into the group of women and their family gossip. The morning flies by and I realize that Sidney wasn't exaggerating when he told me they would pry into my personal life and crack it open like a can of tuna. They really did want to know all about me and weren't shy about insinuating why I was there to Trina. At my constant looks of embarrassment, Trina would merely smile at me and wink before helping me out and trying to change the subject. Taylor, who has become my only other pillar of support, also finds my despair hilarious and nudges me constantly, covering her mouth with her hand so she can laugh about what they're saying.
"He's never brought a girl home before ya know" Trina's sister and Sidney's aunt leans over to tell me conspiratorally. "Not even when he was still in high school. He just never introduced us to one of his girls before." She said this as if I was supposed to feel special but even before last night happened, I knew that Sidney was only brining me home with him because of his do-gooder attitude. But since these women really didn't need to know the history of our long and complicated friendship, I kept my mouth shut.
Despite their intrusive questions and the fact that my face has now retained a permanent blush, I'm having fun with these women and doing something I've never done before with the exception of Nathalie Lemieux and my friends- just sit around and talk about nothing and drink coffee all morning. I'm having so much fun I hardly notice when Sidney enters the room until suddenly I feel all eyes on me as the ladies obviously wait for something to happen.
"Want to go for a walk?" he asks after greeting everyone and focusing his attention on me.
"Dinner's in an hour so don't go far" Trina warns, not even factoring in the fact that I haven't said 'yes' or 'no' yet.
"We'll be back soon" Sidney promises leaving me no choice but to nod and follow him out of the room. Not that it's much of a hardship to go for a walk with him but it would be nicer to know that we could just go for a walk and not have all of them gossiping about us when we leave. Although, I guess that's what Sidney deals with every day only it's strangers talking about him rather than just family.
After getting our coats on, we start off down the street in silence watching the puffs of air from our breath fan out in front of us.
"I like your family" I say smiling at some of the stories they had told me about him that morning. "They told me about a certain hair dying faze you were in" I tease referencing his time as a kid when one of his teams used to die their hair during playoff games. Everyone else's had come out normal and Sidney's hadn't.
"I was 15!" he says defending himself. His shoulder nudges mine and our hands brush before finally clasping on to each other.
"I wonder what the women of Pittsburgh would do if you re-created your Ronald McDonald hair" I question watching the grin bloom on his face.
"Maybe some of them would finally leave me alone" he jokes rolling his eyes and leading me down a different street.
We keep walking and he points out different places he used to go to as a kid, including where he used to play roller hockey with friends. It's nice being able to walk around with him and relax knowing that he's relaxed in my company also. I'm enjoying this now but I know it won't last forever. Eventually we will have to return to Pittsburgh and someone will have to press play on our lives again, making them resume their normal craziness.
"What's wrong?" he asks still holding my hand in his larger one. The simplicity of the moment is perfect and I don't want to ruin it by confessing that I'm already plagued with doubt about how this is going to work even though we've only both agreed to start addressing whatever's between us. How can you be doubtful of something that's not even a relationship?
He's looking down at me like he doesn't believe me and I want to reassure him that everything's okay by smiling and allowing him to pull me closer as an arm slides around my waist protecting me from the wind as we keep walking, beginning the trek back to his house.
"Everything's fine" I tell him forcing doubts out of my mind. I have no reason to even be worrying right now and the sane side of me acknowledges this. I just wonder how long it will be before I start to worry again and what I'll do when we're no longer in peaceful Canada, outside of the chaotic space that we're both used to in Pittsburgh.
Emma's POV:
I wake up the next morning to white light and the sound of the creepy salesguy selling a "Slap-Chop" on TV.
It isn't until I shift attempting to find the remote that I realize I'm not alone in bed and nor is it really my bed. I'm also pinned down by the weight of a leg draped heavily over mine and the feeling of warm breath puffing lightly on my neck as my face is burrowed into someone's chest. I can't help but smile contentedly when I realize it's Sidney wrapped around me in bed. A year ago I would have had a heart attack if this had been happening to me or I would have laughed. Or both. But now, it's real. And I grin even more when I realize how much of a cuddler he is.
From my past experience with men, there's a definite difference in how men sleep next to a woman. Sure, it's nice when a guy wants to share his space and sleep next to you all night. It shows a level of respect and commitment and in the very least says "hey, I like you enough to not have sex with you and then leave." But even within this category, there's a difference with how men sleep next to a woman. Some guys wrap a light arm around you and some women mistake this and tell their girlfriends how they were "held" all night long, mistaking the gesture for true affection. Being held is different. There's a level of affection that transcends the respect he has for not leaving you immediately after sex. When he holds you, he's letting you know that he actually cares. Something about the way that his hands hold your body in place and how his hands curl around your skin says more than anything else that he's capable of expressing. You just know that you're cared for by this person and it's miraculous.
I try my hardest not to apply my own theory of holding to my current situation or dwell on the fact that no man has ever held me like he's holding me, even though we merely fell asleep together. Or rather I fell asleep first but still, we're still here and it's his arms holding me in place tightly against his body and keeping me warm. In fact, he's holding me so tightly that I have to crane my head around to try to see where a clock is in the room. I'm positive we both forgot to set an alarm last night and we are supposed to be at his parent's house early to eat breakfast and spend Christmas Eve with the rest of his family.
Gently picking up his wrist I examine the watch he neglected to take off the night before. When I read the time, my jaw drops open in surprise and I swear loudly.
"Shit! Sidney, wake up" I tell him panicking about how late it is. He ignores me rolling over onto his back and pulling me with him still deep in sleep. I never would have taken him for a guy that liked to sleep in given his dilligent workout schedule and his crazy normal schedule but here he is, ignoring me and snoring softly as he sleeps the morning away.
"Sidney" I repeat this time reaching out to brush hair from his forehead hoping my touch will wake him up. He doesn't stir and I'm forced to move onto slightly more violent tactics. I shove at his chest calling his name again until he jolts awake probably just as startled as I was to find out that I was not alone in bed.
"What? What happened?" he asks groggily, sending shivers down my spine with the thick sound of his voice.
"We didn't set an alarm" I inform him already missing the heat of his body as we both sit up and I climb out of bed. "I can hurry if you can hurry" I tell him watching him rub the sleep from his eyes and blink at me silently.
"What time is it?" He asks propping himself up so that he can pick up the clock ticking idly on his nightstand. "Shit! Okay, 20 minutes?" he asks me. I nod and take off rushing into the shower and hoping for a miracle that will allow me to get ready and still look decent in such a short amount of time. 20 minutes later I'm not entirely sure that I've washed all of the shampoo out of my hair but I'm clean and I think I look nice enough to spend the day in his family's company again. In the daylight, I take in Sidney's house again enjoying the simple colors and how airy and big all of the rooms seem to be. It's not a big house but it seems larger with the high ceilings and windows that line up along the back of the house, overlooking all of the water.
"Ready for day two?" I hear him question as he appears behind me smiling and handing me a to-go cup of coffee. In my rush this morning, I hadn't wondered what we would do now after our talk last night. Do we kiss each other good morning? Do we pretend that it never happened? Even though my mind is running a mile a minute, Sidney answers my questions by reaching over and pulling me closer. His eyes are on mine as he kisses me slowly, letting me languish in the moment and the feeling of his tongue gliding with ease over mine.
He pulls away and I'm about to question it and probably whine about it when I realize that he's laughing.
"What?" I ask not finding the distance between our mouths funny at all.
"I just wanted to make sure that we really did talk last night" he jokes ducking away from me when I try to hit his arm.
"Just to punish you, I should pretend that I have no idea what you're talking about."
"You wouldn't do that, you're too nice to play games" he says shaking his head at me and egging our little banter on.
"Try me, Crosby" I challenge feeling ecstatic that it's me who has the priviledge of flirting with him on a cold, beautiful morning.
"I'd rather not risk it right now" he says shrugging into his coat and leading me out to his car. More snow has fallen over night leaving the SUV's windshields covered up in snow. Between the two of us we're able to uncover the car in a few minutes and are surprisingly on the road only 5 minutes late so far.
"Do you think we should call and let them know we'll be late?"
"Hmm?" he asks taking his eyes off of the road to glance at me. "Why would we call?" he asks again. Why wouldn't we call is what I want to know.
"Won't your Mom be mad?" I ask genuinely puzzled by the fact that he's not thinking about this at all.
"Nah, it's not really a big deal" he shrugs turning the heat up higher in the car. "We're not that late and they'll understand."
I lean back in the seat relaxing now that I remember that Sidney's family is actually nice. They'll understand if we're a little late for breakfast because they're normal. Unlike my parent's who would have already started without us if we were late and then lectured us for the rest of the meal on the merits of punctuality. "Oh" is all I say choosing to keep my mouth shut and enjoy being around a normal family other than the Lemieuxs for once.
When we pull up to the house, it's Sidney who groans at the sight of all of the cars lined up and down the street and bumper to bumper in front of the house. "It's too early for all of this" he whines turning the car off and removing the keys from the ignition.
"What are you talking about?" Didn't he know all of these people were coming? Even I knew since Taylor had filled me in the day before, giving me the who's who of the Crosby clan.
"No, I knew." He sighs and there's just enough behind the sigh to make me worry a little bit. "They're going to ask you a million questions" he says making it sound more like a warning than anything else.
"And I guess I'll have to have a million answers " I respond still curious as to why he's acting this way.
"No, I mean they'll want to know why I brought you with me. They're a lot less subtle that my parents and Taylor."
"Oh" I say realizing that we're moving back into complicated territory again. We agreed to take things slow and not put labels on anything but how are we supposed to do that when a situation like this demands a label? "We'll just tell them the truth" I say stepping in front of him. "We're friends no matter what so we'll stick with that."
"I just don't want them to make you uncomfortable" he says still looking very serious.
"I'll be fine, seriously" I reassure him grinning at the expression on his face. "Sidney, I'm serious. It's your family- not a war zone."
"That's what you think" he replies dryly leading me up the front steps where I can already hear a million voices chattering away inside. "We should have an 'abort' signal if you need air at any point during the day."
"You're a child" I say hanging my coat up next to his in the closet by the front door. He pretends to be offended by this and tugs on the ends of my hair teasing me and proving my point exactly as we laugh and walk into the kitchen where everyone's gathered and fighting for food.
I'm introduced by Mrs. Crosby who now has me calling her Trina and I'm quickly separated from Sidney and absorbed into the group of women and their family gossip. The morning flies by and I realize that Sidney wasn't exaggerating when he told me they would pry into my personal life and crack it open like a can of tuna. They really did want to know all about me and weren't shy about insinuating why I was there to Trina. At my constant looks of embarrassment, Trina would merely smile at me and wink before helping me out and trying to change the subject. Taylor, who has become my only other pillar of support, also finds my despair hilarious and nudges me constantly, covering her mouth with her hand so she can laugh about what they're saying.
"He's never brought a girl home before ya know" Trina's sister and Sidney's aunt leans over to tell me conspiratorally. "Not even when he was still in high school. He just never introduced us to one of his girls before." She said this as if I was supposed to feel special but even before last night happened, I knew that Sidney was only brining me home with him because of his do-gooder attitude. But since these women really didn't need to know the history of our long and complicated friendship, I kept my mouth shut.
Despite their intrusive questions and the fact that my face has now retained a permanent blush, I'm having fun with these women and doing something I've never done before with the exception of Nathalie Lemieux and my friends- just sit around and talk about nothing and drink coffee all morning. I'm having so much fun I hardly notice when Sidney enters the room until suddenly I feel all eyes on me as the ladies obviously wait for something to happen.
"Want to go for a walk?" he asks after greeting everyone and focusing his attention on me.
"Dinner's in an hour so don't go far" Trina warns, not even factoring in the fact that I haven't said 'yes' or 'no' yet.
"We'll be back soon" Sidney promises leaving me no choice but to nod and follow him out of the room. Not that it's much of a hardship to go for a walk with him but it would be nicer to know that we could just go for a walk and not have all of them gossiping about us when we leave. Although, I guess that's what Sidney deals with every day only it's strangers talking about him rather than just family.
After getting our coats on, we start off down the street in silence watching the puffs of air from our breath fan out in front of us.
"I like your family" I say smiling at some of the stories they had told me about him that morning. "They told me about a certain hair dying faze you were in" I tease referencing his time as a kid when one of his teams used to die their hair during playoff games. Everyone else's had come out normal and Sidney's hadn't.
"I was 15!" he says defending himself. His shoulder nudges mine and our hands brush before finally clasping on to each other.
"I wonder what the women of Pittsburgh would do if you re-created your Ronald McDonald hair" I question watching the grin bloom on his face.
"Maybe some of them would finally leave me alone" he jokes rolling his eyes and leading me down a different street.
We keep walking and he points out different places he used to go to as a kid, including where he used to play roller hockey with friends. It's nice being able to walk around with him and relax knowing that he's relaxed in my company also. I'm enjoying this now but I know it won't last forever. Eventually we will have to return to Pittsburgh and someone will have to press play on our lives again, making them resume their normal craziness.
"What's wrong?" he asks still holding my hand in his larger one. The simplicity of the moment is perfect and I don't want to ruin it by confessing that I'm already plagued with doubt about how this is going to work even though we've only both agreed to start addressing whatever's between us. How can you be doubtful of something that's not even a relationship?
He's looking down at me like he doesn't believe me and I want to reassure him that everything's okay by smiling and allowing him to pull me closer as an arm slides around my waist protecting me from the wind as we keep walking, beginning the trek back to his house.
"Everything's fine" I tell him forcing doubts out of my mind. I have no reason to even be worrying right now and the sane side of me acknowledges this. I just wonder how long it will be before I start to worry again and what I'll do when we're no longer in peaceful Canada, outside of the chaotic space that we're both used to in Pittsburgh.
Chapter 23
Ohmygosh you guys. I'm seriously sorry that I haven't updated for 10 days. That's ridiculous. But good news! I am back on a normal sleeping schedule, done with finals, home for a month and I have plenty of writing ideas. So hopefully I can achieve the zen like writing state I was in all summer while writing my first story and bang out a few chapters. I promise from now on to stop being such a writing tease with all of you.
Happy Holidays!!! :) We just got a ton of snow here in Pennsylvania and it's gorgeous and perfect for Christmastime.
BTW: this chapter starts right where the last one left off ;)
Listen to: "Crash into Me"- Dave Matthews Band and "Say Goodbye"- Dave Matthews Band. Not really Holiday music, I know but this is what I was listening to that reminded me of these characters.
Sid's POV:
I have that shaky nervous feeling in my chest when I leave the garage and brush past Taylor who's whining at me to help her carry the hors d'oeuvres inside to the kitchen. It's the feeling I used to get my first season playing in the NHL when I secretly wanted to vomit before each game. I don't know what's been going on with me, with both of us lately, but it makes me want to run like hell and get back to Pittsburgh where I could put some distance between us and get my head back where it needed to be. Except kissing her was a problem in Pittsburgh too so I couldn't blame my sudden urges on the fact that we were in a different location- it was definitely something else.
A minute later I heard Emma walk back into the house from the garage and join my parents in the living room, bypassing the kitchen where I was completely. She was probably just as confused as I was- maybe more so and she wasn't good at confrontation usually. At least for now I could try to figure out what was going on without worrying about how I was going to explain myself to her.
"Hey Hon, I think you might want to take Emma home soon. She's practically falling asleep on the couch even though your father has the volume on the TV cranked up so high" my Mom said walking in on me just sitting and staring down at the kitchen table in front of me. A look of concern passes over her face as she notices how serious I've become.
"Is everything alright? Why are you in here by yourself?"
"Just thinking, that's all" I reply trying to keep the tone light. If it was my Dad in here asking me the same question, he would worry and think that it's hockey related. Since it's my Mom, she'll know it's personal and do one of two things: pry or let me think it out on my own.
"Does it have to do with a certain red head who's currently in our living room?" she asks this while setting two cups of fresh coffee on the table and taking a seat across from me. My eyebrows shoot up in surprise even though I should know better by now- Mom's always have a freaky knack for knowing exactly what's wrong with their kids. This is also an uncomfortable subject to talk about. We've never talked about a girl before mostly because there wasn't time- and the fact that I've been gone most of the year playing hockey since I was 15. No one's ever gotten under my skin like Emma before though either.
Since I can't help wanting to know, I ask how she knew that I was thinking about Emma.
"Sidney, you may be 25 years old but you're still my son. And I've never seen you take your eyes off the ice long enough to look at a woman the way I've seen you look at Emma."
"I know you have a lot on your plate right now Sid but-" she pauses for a moment leaving me hanging and wanting to know what she was about to say while her eyes flick in between me and the living room. "Just think about that, okay? She looks back you know." After giving my hand one last squeeze, she passes through the room calling for Taylor upstairs and leaving me alone again with even more to think about.
When I eventually leave the kitchen, Emma and I spend the rest of the night pretending that everything's normal and for the most part, she avoids my gaze completely and instead focuses on talking hockey with my Dad. I didn't know that she was that knowledgeable about the game but if she can keep up with my Dad, then I'm impressed. I'm also impressed by the way that she manages to look past the analytical looks and questions my Dad asks her about her job, her life, everything. Most would be scared off by now but she's handling it all like a champ.
While I watch them and pretend to be paying attention to the TV, I notice that she's even made him laugh at something she's said and I realize that she knows what he's up to also. She understands how protective he is, albeit scary, and that he's just testing her before he's nicer to her. Little does she realize that she's already won all of them over anyway.
"Hey Em, are you ready to go?" I ask interrupting their conversation once I realize its 11: 30 and we have a long day ahead of us again tomorrow when more family comes in to spend the day with us again.
"Go where?" she asks looking confused. "Aren't we staying here?"
I detect the uneasiness in her voice and realize that despite both of us being adults, we're probably not ready to be alone yet. Too bad we can't kick one of my grandmother's out from the spare bedrooms upstairs.
"We're staying at my house since the spare bedrooms are already full here" I explain. She looks embarrassed as she remembers this detail from earlier and gets up with me to start saying goodbye to my parents and Taylor. My Mom waves us goodbye from the door and reminds us to be back over in the morning around 10 for breakfast as we both split at the car and jump in on our respective sides. Luckily, for the first few minutes of the car ride, we're both consumed with something to do: me with driving and her with fiddling with the radio.
She hums along to a song I don't know and stares out the window. I catch sight of the way her red hair is illuminated by the soft light from the lamps on the road and how pink her cheeks are just from being outside in the cold wind. Despite the shitty tension between us right now, she looks content and I realize that that's why I had the strong urge to pull her outside and kiss her tonight. The same expression of happiness that she has on now was the same one I saw glimpses of all day as she spent time with my family and laughed at their terrible jokes and put up with my Dad's prying.
Even the way she looked when she tried to boss me around while we searched for a Christmas tree- even though she had never done that before. It was because she looked happy and somehow, I had played a part in making that happen.
And it made me feel something. Proud even. Like I had accomplished something important. I hadn't noticed before how important it was to me to make this one particular person happy.
We pulled up to the house by the water that I had purchased a few years ago but barely spent any time in. I was eager to know what she thought of it and wasn't disappointed when her face broke out into a huge grin.
"So this is what it looks like" she said releasing her seat belt and hopping down from the SUV. I'm torn between wanting to give her the grand tour and show her how awesome the back yard is and yelling at her to hustle and get inside because it's below freezing outside. Before I have to make a decision, she's back at the truck grabbing her bag with me and following me up to the door so we can get inside and out of the cold.
"I don't think I'm used to how cold it is yet" she grins unwrapping her scarf from her neck and unbuttoning the front of her coat. She shrugs off her coat and somehow knows exactly which door to pick in the foyer that is the nearly empty coat closet. She waits for me to show her around and jokes that even though I spend less time here, this house is decorated more than my home in Pittsburgh.
I'm enjoying that things are easy between us again when I open my big mouth. "You know, you're always bitching about what my house looks like. Why don't you just decorate it for me. Then you can finally be happy."
Suddenly we're both awkward again, as if unsure what the implications are to what I just said.
"Here, I'll show you where the guest bedroom is" I say grabbing her bag for her and leaving her to follow me upstairs. Once I've set the bag down on the bed for her, I turn to see her blinking at me with an unfamiliar expression on her face.
"Um, bathrooms right across the hall, my room's next door if you need something." We stare at each other again, me trying to think of something to say other than 'goodnight' before I give up and leave. I know I should say something but I can't form words and so instead I close the door behind me, wanting to punch myself as I retreat into my own room.
Emma's POV:
He's out the door, shutting it firmly behind him before I can think of something to say that will make him stay and talk to me. It's evident by the way that we've been acting since dinner that a talk is coming and even though I hate being the confrontational one in relationships, Sidney's even more chicken shit than I am apparently.
Fearless on the ice but unable to confront little old me. If it wasn't happening to me, I would probably find this situation funny. It was like we were stuck in a perpetual game of ping pong and we both couldn't get off the court until the game was over. But if we kept kissing each other and not talking about what it meant, then the game would never be over.
I change into shorts and a t-shirt and washe my face still mulling over my options. I could wait until morning and be the one to finally bring it up for I could take my chances and just wait until we're in Pittsburgh again. After splashing more cold water on my face, I caught a glimpse of my freshly scrubbed face and grimmaced. My hair was twisted up into a messy bun on my head and my skin and lips were obviously chapped and red from the biting cold winds up here. In other words, I looked like a disaster. What did he even see in me to want to kiss my blotchy self?
I knew that I liked him, possibly even love loved him for the past few years but was it different for him? Was I still the friend that he happened to kiss from time to time or was he just as confused as I was? Before I can change my mind, I step out of my room and knock on his door quietly noting that there is still a sliver of light peeking out from underneath the door.
He doesn't answer and I take my chances cracking the door open and calling out his name. He pokes his head out of his closet, brows furrowed in confusion. When the rest of his body appears in the room, I need a spark plug to get my brain operating safely again. He must have just started to change with his shirt already off and the belt around his waist hanging open. If there was a God, he or she was a very, very cruel person.
"Is it about the heat? I'm going to turn it up a little- I know it's pretty chilly up here." He was right about that part. Even from here I could see the goosebumps raised on his skin. Then again, I was trying not to linger there for too long. The more I looked, the more I wanted to give in and touch his smooth skin.
"Um no" I replied focusing on the task at hand and not how toned his shoulders looked. "I actually just wanted to talk." I let out the breath I had been holding in feeling my nerves take over, especially as he stepped closer to me. Unfortunately, the quick, typical, male look of panic crosses over his face before I can gather up the courage to keep talking.
If it's possible, my heart literally does plummet down to the depths of my stomach and my brain goes into overdrive trying to process an escape route. Great, now I want to talk about where we stand and he doesn't want to at all.
"Talk?" he questions while I force my head into some nodding and shaking motion that confuses even me.
"Actually, if you don't mind, we can just wait. Yeah, why don't we do it later?" I'm edging towards the door now feeling like a complete fool and hating myself for my own self-imposed cowardice. "No worries" I squeak out again talking over what he's about to say.
Unfortunately, before I'm out the door completely his hand clamps down on my arm and gently pulls me to him in the center of the room. "Are you done talking yet?" he asks looking down at me with a smile on his face.
His smile shoots warm heat into my stomach and I'm able to relax just because that grin is directed at me, no longer making me feel silly or like a fool. We're not talking, instead silently communicating as our eyes meet. His hands sliding to my back to rest lightly against my spine and though he applies no pressure to push me towards him, my hands rest on his shoulders and we're suddenly standing closer together.
He leans forward almost meeting my lips again with his own, pausing to meet my eyes one last time as if making sure that it's okay. It's not okay of course because we're supposed to be talking about why this keeps happening to begin with. Instead I give in and meet him halfway, our lips molding to each other like old, well-versed friends. The feeling of his big hands sliding down my back, separated only by a thin t-shirt and his warm skin under my own hands is enough to make me shiver and push myself up higher on my tippy toes to accomodate his mouth. Someone moans but I'm no longer sure if it's me making the noises or him- all I know is that we're no longer standing but instead moving over to the bed beside us as we fall into an ungraceful heap of limbs on his bed. I don't even care as I feel all of his glorious muscles pushing my body into the mattress beneath us. All I can feel is the slide of his skin beneath my hands urging his lips on as they move gently down the slope of my chin and to the sensitive spot beneath my ear that he's already learned to exploit.
Our lips meet again and there's a new sense of urgency to expose more of each other with his hands edging my oversized t-shirt up and pressing our bare torsos together. I help him remove it completely from my body and his hands immediately seek out the straps of my bra, starting to nudge them down and touch me where my body is screaming for him to place his hands.
"Sidney" I gasp out once my mouth is free trying to form words that I'm desperately lacking. My body is screaming for him and yet I know we can't do this- we can't do this until we've talked about something that's been happening lately. He stops because he's Sidney and I trust him more than anyone and I know that he would never force something like this.
"Sidney, we really do need to talk" I repeat propping myself up once there's some space between us. My bra is practically hanging off of me and I'm wearing nothing but boxers but somehow I don't feel self-conscious in front of him. "Why do we keep doing this?" I ask deciding to be the first one to speak up and clear the air.
"I don't know" he confesses rubbing a hand over his face.
"Do you want it to be something?"
"I don't know, do you?" he counters looking just as lost as I feel. I realize that we're not getting anywhere because the lines between friends and more than friends has been irrevocably blurred between us.
"I'm attracted to you, ridiculously attracted to you" I blurt out trying to let him know that my own feelings aren't completely platonic anymore. Not that they had ever been completely platonic but he didn't need to know that.
He snorts and his eyes crinkle into a smile. "I think it's safe to say that I'm attracted to you too" he replies dryly. He leans over gently pulling one of my bra straps back up onto my shoulder and letting his fingers linger for longer than necessary.
"So, I hate to ask, but what do we do now?" His question surprises me and I can't do anything but stare at him for a long moment and try to pull a coherent thought together. He had once again hit the ball back to me in our twisted little game of relationship ping pong.
"Well, if we're going to persue this thing we have-whatever that may be, then I think we should go slow. Get used to this change and then decide what's happening."
"Take things slow?" he asks again.
"And casual" I emphasize not wanting to put labels on anything. I'm certainly not ready for that and I'd be willing to bet that he isn't either given our current state of discomfort with each other.
"Want me to get a lawyer? Draw up a contract?" he jokes and I'm grateful to him for trying to lighten the mood between us.
"We could just have Eliza do it" I remind him feeling better now that we've established something. Maybe it's a woman thing to want to put labels on everything because suddenly I feel a lot better.
I touch my lips to his again lightly intending to keep it short and sweet. Sidney responds eagerly tempting me to revert back to where we left off 10 minutes ago. He groans when I break away grinning at him this time.
"Want to watch TV with me or something?"
He nods disappearing into his closet once again and reappearing in a t-shirt and sweatpants. We scoot back against the bed and slide under the covers, one of his arms pulling me closer to his body but not too close and I lean back comfortably against the arm wrapped around my shoulders.
As we decide on something to watch, I let him decide not really caring. My eyes are already heavy and as he decides on an old re-run of "Friends" and I let the soft rumble of his chest as he laughs at the dialogue lull me to sleep.
Happy Holidays!!! :) We just got a ton of snow here in Pennsylvania and it's gorgeous and perfect for Christmastime.
BTW: this chapter starts right where the last one left off ;)
Listen to: "Crash into Me"- Dave Matthews Band and "Say Goodbye"- Dave Matthews Band. Not really Holiday music, I know but this is what I was listening to that reminded me of these characters.
Sid's POV:
I have that shaky nervous feeling in my chest when I leave the garage and brush past Taylor who's whining at me to help her carry the hors d'oeuvres inside to the kitchen. It's the feeling I used to get my first season playing in the NHL when I secretly wanted to vomit before each game. I don't know what's been going on with me, with both of us lately, but it makes me want to run like hell and get back to Pittsburgh where I could put some distance between us and get my head back where it needed to be. Except kissing her was a problem in Pittsburgh too so I couldn't blame my sudden urges on the fact that we were in a different location- it was definitely something else.
A minute later I heard Emma walk back into the house from the garage and join my parents in the living room, bypassing the kitchen where I was completely. She was probably just as confused as I was- maybe more so and she wasn't good at confrontation usually. At least for now I could try to figure out what was going on without worrying about how I was going to explain myself to her.
"Hey Hon, I think you might want to take Emma home soon. She's practically falling asleep on the couch even though your father has the volume on the TV cranked up so high" my Mom said walking in on me just sitting and staring down at the kitchen table in front of me. A look of concern passes over her face as she notices how serious I've become.
"Is everything alright? Why are you in here by yourself?"
"Just thinking, that's all" I reply trying to keep the tone light. If it was my Dad in here asking me the same question, he would worry and think that it's hockey related. Since it's my Mom, she'll know it's personal and do one of two things: pry or let me think it out on my own.
"Does it have to do with a certain red head who's currently in our living room?" she asks this while setting two cups of fresh coffee on the table and taking a seat across from me. My eyebrows shoot up in surprise even though I should know better by now- Mom's always have a freaky knack for knowing exactly what's wrong with their kids. This is also an uncomfortable subject to talk about. We've never talked about a girl before mostly because there wasn't time- and the fact that I've been gone most of the year playing hockey since I was 15. No one's ever gotten under my skin like Emma before though either.
Since I can't help wanting to know, I ask how she knew that I was thinking about Emma.
"Sidney, you may be 25 years old but you're still my son. And I've never seen you take your eyes off the ice long enough to look at a woman the way I've seen you look at Emma."
"I know you have a lot on your plate right now Sid but-" she pauses for a moment leaving me hanging and wanting to know what she was about to say while her eyes flick in between me and the living room. "Just think about that, okay? She looks back you know." After giving my hand one last squeeze, she passes through the room calling for Taylor upstairs and leaving me alone again with even more to think about.
When I eventually leave the kitchen, Emma and I spend the rest of the night pretending that everything's normal and for the most part, she avoids my gaze completely and instead focuses on talking hockey with my Dad. I didn't know that she was that knowledgeable about the game but if she can keep up with my Dad, then I'm impressed. I'm also impressed by the way that she manages to look past the analytical looks and questions my Dad asks her about her job, her life, everything. Most would be scared off by now but she's handling it all like a champ.
While I watch them and pretend to be paying attention to the TV, I notice that she's even made him laugh at something she's said and I realize that she knows what he's up to also. She understands how protective he is, albeit scary, and that he's just testing her before he's nicer to her. Little does she realize that she's already won all of them over anyway.
"Hey Em, are you ready to go?" I ask interrupting their conversation once I realize its 11: 30 and we have a long day ahead of us again tomorrow when more family comes in to spend the day with us again.
"Go where?" she asks looking confused. "Aren't we staying here?"
I detect the uneasiness in her voice and realize that despite both of us being adults, we're probably not ready to be alone yet. Too bad we can't kick one of my grandmother's out from the spare bedrooms upstairs.
"We're staying at my house since the spare bedrooms are already full here" I explain. She looks embarrassed as she remembers this detail from earlier and gets up with me to start saying goodbye to my parents and Taylor. My Mom waves us goodbye from the door and reminds us to be back over in the morning around 10 for breakfast as we both split at the car and jump in on our respective sides. Luckily, for the first few minutes of the car ride, we're both consumed with something to do: me with driving and her with fiddling with the radio.
She hums along to a song I don't know and stares out the window. I catch sight of the way her red hair is illuminated by the soft light from the lamps on the road and how pink her cheeks are just from being outside in the cold wind. Despite the shitty tension between us right now, she looks content and I realize that that's why I had the strong urge to pull her outside and kiss her tonight. The same expression of happiness that she has on now was the same one I saw glimpses of all day as she spent time with my family and laughed at their terrible jokes and put up with my Dad's prying.
Even the way she looked when she tried to boss me around while we searched for a Christmas tree- even though she had never done that before. It was because she looked happy and somehow, I had played a part in making that happen.
And it made me feel something. Proud even. Like I had accomplished something important. I hadn't noticed before how important it was to me to make this one particular person happy.
We pulled up to the house by the water that I had purchased a few years ago but barely spent any time in. I was eager to know what she thought of it and wasn't disappointed when her face broke out into a huge grin.
"So this is what it looks like" she said releasing her seat belt and hopping down from the SUV. I'm torn between wanting to give her the grand tour and show her how awesome the back yard is and yelling at her to hustle and get inside because it's below freezing outside. Before I have to make a decision, she's back at the truck grabbing her bag with me and following me up to the door so we can get inside and out of the cold.
"I don't think I'm used to how cold it is yet" she grins unwrapping her scarf from her neck and unbuttoning the front of her coat. She shrugs off her coat and somehow knows exactly which door to pick in the foyer that is the nearly empty coat closet. She waits for me to show her around and jokes that even though I spend less time here, this house is decorated more than my home in Pittsburgh.
I'm enjoying that things are easy between us again when I open my big mouth. "You know, you're always bitching about what my house looks like. Why don't you just decorate it for me. Then you can finally be happy."
Suddenly we're both awkward again, as if unsure what the implications are to what I just said.
"Here, I'll show you where the guest bedroom is" I say grabbing her bag for her and leaving her to follow me upstairs. Once I've set the bag down on the bed for her, I turn to see her blinking at me with an unfamiliar expression on her face.
"Um, bathrooms right across the hall, my room's next door if you need something." We stare at each other again, me trying to think of something to say other than 'goodnight' before I give up and leave. I know I should say something but I can't form words and so instead I close the door behind me, wanting to punch myself as I retreat into my own room.
Emma's POV:
He's out the door, shutting it firmly behind him before I can think of something to say that will make him stay and talk to me. It's evident by the way that we've been acting since dinner that a talk is coming and even though I hate being the confrontational one in relationships, Sidney's even more chicken shit than I am apparently.
Fearless on the ice but unable to confront little old me. If it wasn't happening to me, I would probably find this situation funny. It was like we were stuck in a perpetual game of ping pong and we both couldn't get off the court until the game was over. But if we kept kissing each other and not talking about what it meant, then the game would never be over.
I change into shorts and a t-shirt and washe my face still mulling over my options. I could wait until morning and be the one to finally bring it up for I could take my chances and just wait until we're in Pittsburgh again. After splashing more cold water on my face, I caught a glimpse of my freshly scrubbed face and grimmaced. My hair was twisted up into a messy bun on my head and my skin and lips were obviously chapped and red from the biting cold winds up here. In other words, I looked like a disaster. What did he even see in me to want to kiss my blotchy self?
I knew that I liked him, possibly even love loved him for the past few years but was it different for him? Was I still the friend that he happened to kiss from time to time or was he just as confused as I was? Before I can change my mind, I step out of my room and knock on his door quietly noting that there is still a sliver of light peeking out from underneath the door.
He doesn't answer and I take my chances cracking the door open and calling out his name. He pokes his head out of his closet, brows furrowed in confusion. When the rest of his body appears in the room, I need a spark plug to get my brain operating safely again. He must have just started to change with his shirt already off and the belt around his waist hanging open. If there was a God, he or she was a very, very cruel person.
"Is it about the heat? I'm going to turn it up a little- I know it's pretty chilly up here." He was right about that part. Even from here I could see the goosebumps raised on his skin. Then again, I was trying not to linger there for too long. The more I looked, the more I wanted to give in and touch his smooth skin.
"Um no" I replied focusing on the task at hand and not how toned his shoulders looked. "I actually just wanted to talk." I let out the breath I had been holding in feeling my nerves take over, especially as he stepped closer to me. Unfortunately, the quick, typical, male look of panic crosses over his face before I can gather up the courage to keep talking.
If it's possible, my heart literally does plummet down to the depths of my stomach and my brain goes into overdrive trying to process an escape route. Great, now I want to talk about where we stand and he doesn't want to at all.
"Talk?" he questions while I force my head into some nodding and shaking motion that confuses even me.
"Actually, if you don't mind, we can just wait. Yeah, why don't we do it later?" I'm edging towards the door now feeling like a complete fool and hating myself for my own self-imposed cowardice. "No worries" I squeak out again talking over what he's about to say.
Unfortunately, before I'm out the door completely his hand clamps down on my arm and gently pulls me to him in the center of the room. "Are you done talking yet?" he asks looking down at me with a smile on his face.
His smile shoots warm heat into my stomach and I'm able to relax just because that grin is directed at me, no longer making me feel silly or like a fool. We're not talking, instead silently communicating as our eyes meet. His hands sliding to my back to rest lightly against my spine and though he applies no pressure to push me towards him, my hands rest on his shoulders and we're suddenly standing closer together.
He leans forward almost meeting my lips again with his own, pausing to meet my eyes one last time as if making sure that it's okay. It's not okay of course because we're supposed to be talking about why this keeps happening to begin with. Instead I give in and meet him halfway, our lips molding to each other like old, well-versed friends. The feeling of his big hands sliding down my back, separated only by a thin t-shirt and his warm skin under my own hands is enough to make me shiver and push myself up higher on my tippy toes to accomodate his mouth. Someone moans but I'm no longer sure if it's me making the noises or him- all I know is that we're no longer standing but instead moving over to the bed beside us as we fall into an ungraceful heap of limbs on his bed. I don't even care as I feel all of his glorious muscles pushing my body into the mattress beneath us. All I can feel is the slide of his skin beneath my hands urging his lips on as they move gently down the slope of my chin and to the sensitive spot beneath my ear that he's already learned to exploit.
Our lips meet again and there's a new sense of urgency to expose more of each other with his hands edging my oversized t-shirt up and pressing our bare torsos together. I help him remove it completely from my body and his hands immediately seek out the straps of my bra, starting to nudge them down and touch me where my body is screaming for him to place his hands.
"Sidney" I gasp out once my mouth is free trying to form words that I'm desperately lacking. My body is screaming for him and yet I know we can't do this- we can't do this until we've talked about something that's been happening lately. He stops because he's Sidney and I trust him more than anyone and I know that he would never force something like this.
"Sidney, we really do need to talk" I repeat propping myself up once there's some space between us. My bra is practically hanging off of me and I'm wearing nothing but boxers but somehow I don't feel self-conscious in front of him. "Why do we keep doing this?" I ask deciding to be the first one to speak up and clear the air.
"I don't know" he confesses rubbing a hand over his face.
"Do you want it to be something?"
"I don't know, do you?" he counters looking just as lost as I feel. I realize that we're not getting anywhere because the lines between friends and more than friends has been irrevocably blurred between us.
"I'm attracted to you, ridiculously attracted to you" I blurt out trying to let him know that my own feelings aren't completely platonic anymore. Not that they had ever been completely platonic but he didn't need to know that.
He snorts and his eyes crinkle into a smile. "I think it's safe to say that I'm attracted to you too" he replies dryly. He leans over gently pulling one of my bra straps back up onto my shoulder and letting his fingers linger for longer than necessary.
"So, I hate to ask, but what do we do now?" His question surprises me and I can't do anything but stare at him for a long moment and try to pull a coherent thought together. He had once again hit the ball back to me in our twisted little game of relationship ping pong.
"Well, if we're going to persue this thing we have-whatever that may be, then I think we should go slow. Get used to this change and then decide what's happening."
"Take things slow?" he asks again.
"And casual" I emphasize not wanting to put labels on anything. I'm certainly not ready for that and I'd be willing to bet that he isn't either given our current state of discomfort with each other.
"Want me to get a lawyer? Draw up a contract?" he jokes and I'm grateful to him for trying to lighten the mood between us.
"We could just have Eliza do it" I remind him feeling better now that we've established something. Maybe it's a woman thing to want to put labels on everything because suddenly I feel a lot better.
I touch my lips to his again lightly intending to keep it short and sweet. Sidney responds eagerly tempting me to revert back to where we left off 10 minutes ago. He groans when I break away grinning at him this time.
"Want to watch TV with me or something?"
He nods disappearing into his closet once again and reappearing in a t-shirt and sweatpants. We scoot back against the bed and slide under the covers, one of his arms pulling me closer to his body but not too close and I lean back comfortably against the arm wrapped around my shoulders.
As we decide on something to watch, I let him decide not really caring. My eyes are already heavy and as he decides on an old re-run of "Friends" and I let the soft rumble of his chest as he laughs at the dialogue lull me to sleep.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Chapter 22
Okay, I'm back from being awol but this will most likely be the last post until I'm on winter break in a week. It's too early for me to proof read this and I will most likely go back over and edit it later on after I have some more caffeine in my system. I just felt guilty about not updating and wanted to get this out asap. Hope it puts you in the holiday mood!!! :)
Emma's POV:
I feel like I'm in a dream by the time we make it back to Sidney's childhood home. As I quickly discover, every time I want to wake up and pinch myself, another Crosby swoops in and distracts me from thinking about a quick escape.
"So what is it that you do again?" One of Sidney's grandmothers (I can't remember which one) pats my hand gingerly as she lowers herself to a seat at the kitchen table. I had offered to help Mrs. Crosby with the casserole she was making and was assigned to vegetable cutting duty. She had looked incredibly relieved to have some help and had immediately thrust the cutting board, knife and grocery bag in my direction.
"I work for the Penguins" I reply trying to concentrate on what I'm cutting and not lose a finger in the process. "I work on charity events for the teams, that sort of thing."
She smiles understandingly and I go back to silently cutting the vegetables and taking in my surroundings. I've never been in a home like this before and it's startling to contrast what Sidney's childhood must have been like growing up compared to mine. Decoration in the house is like a war between Mrs. Crosby and Mr. Crosby split half in half with tasteful and homey decorations and hockey memorabilia. It's unique to this family and somehow fits them all perfectly. I like that it's nothing at all like the airy, white space I had grown up in. My Mom's taste had always floated between extremes where one room was what she liked to call "minimalist décor" and another was rich with fabrics and heavy furniture. It had never made any sense to me and now I wondered if that had been a result of the battle between my parents as well. My Dad with his reluctance to commit to his family and a home would surely be the result of the strange white rooms and the guady rooms would belong to my Mom who has used material possessions to compensate for her unhappiness for years. Suddenly the Crosby's house no longer looks like a battle between tastes but more like their version of compromise.
"Are you doing okay?" I feel Sidney's breath on my neck as he whispers in my ear. That's another thing that I find unsettling today- everything about our actions makes me feel as if we're a unit and that he's brought me home for Christmas for another reason, something I also know to be completely false. From the subtle touches and the way he keeps checking up on me, I'm so confused whether he's just being his normal, caring self like he is to everyone around him, or if he's acting this way because it's different now. Because we're different now.
"We're going to go get a Christmas Tree later if you're up for it. But I have to warn you, it will still be just as cold outside as it was earlier" he warns playfully.
"Oh ha ha" I reply dryly. He thought that it was hilarious how much colder I found Canada to be than Pittsburgh which was no picnic either in the weather department. Even though I had obviously brought a winter coat, that didn't stop me from exclaiming "It's freezing!" as soon as we hit the air outside of the airport.
"Oh, were you too cold Emma?" Sidney's Mom asks me watching our exchange with interest. "You can borrow one of my heavy coats if you'd like."
"No, I'm fine" I say reassuring her and shooting Sidney a look. "I brought a thicker coat with me but thank you." I don't want to be a nuissance in any way while I'm here with his family and he's making me seem like an idiot who didn't know that Canada was cold during the winter. Really, really cold.
"You're not helping" I hiss to Sidney who has discovered his inner comedian and has been using it to the fullest extent since we boarded a plane to Canada. Maybe it's all of the fresh air up here.
He grins at me again and escapes from the kitchen leaving me with all of the women once again. I'm enjoying just listening to the conversations around me when I feel a pair of eyes on me, watching me silently and assessing me. When I look up, my eyes meet Taylors who's been helping her Mom with something else on the other side of the kitchen. She quickly looks away when she realizes that I've caught her staring and a slight blush spreads on her cheeks.
I can't tell if she likes me or not or if she's just being protective of her big brother and can't figure out my purpose for being here with them. Once again I bury the urge to announce to everyone that there are no ulterior motives behind Sidney bringing me here and that they have nothing to worry about but strangely that thought only makes me feel depressed.
"Okay Mrs. Crosby, here's all of the vegetables" I announce putting another smile on my face and masking any hint of sadness.
"Oh call me Trina, sweetie. And thanks. It's nice to have some help around here" she winks at me and directs her statement at Taylor who immediately begins to defend herself.
"Mom! You know I don't cook!" Taylor's eyes meet mine again and I can't figure out if she's looking to me for some support or if she's still wondering why the hell I'm even here invading their family time.
"It's okay Taylor, I didn't start to cook until I had to if I wanted anything other than Spaghettios to eat every day." Since my Mom would shudder and then laugh off completely the idea of cooking something it had been on me as a kid to either coerce my Mom into ordering takeout or I made something for us. Then eventually my parents started going out all of the time anyway and it was easier just to do everything myself.
"Didn't your Mom cook?" Taylor asks curiously and all of the Crosby women are eyeing me strangely. I decide that there is definitely something in the air up here that makes you do and say stupid things. This is Nova Scotia, a Canadian province that still does things the old fashioned way. The notion of a Mother not providing a meal for her family is unheard of up here.
Instead of lying to them with an 'Of course! My Mom was practically Betty Crocker in white mink!' I try to downplay what I've just said instead. "Uh, not really. My Mom had a lot of other things to worry about. Besides, I enjoy cooking now that I'm older and can appreciate it." Great, what I've just said makes me sound like a harried, old woman but everyone else in the room nods and I'm grateful that they bought my story nonetheless.
Taylor looks at me funny like she wants to laugh but is interrupted when Sidney enters the kitchen again shrugging into his coat and holding my red one out for me. "Everyone ready to go?"
I smile only because he's smiling and it's been such a long time since I saw him this excited about something. I'm enjoying his happiness even more because he's excited to do something simple that most people moan and groan about.
Taylor nods and leaves to go get her coat while Sidney chats with his grandmothers who have opted to stay back and watch over the food instead.
As soon as everyone has their coats on, we pile into one of the Crosby's SUV's and head off to the Christmas tree farm nearby. Never in my 20 plus years on earth had I ever cut down a tree- especially a Christmas tree. Heaven forbid my parents participated in something so traditional as picking out and cutting down your own Christmas tree.
When we pull up to the farm, I'm shocked by how picturesque the scene is in front of me and barely notice that Sidney is nudging me again with his hand resting cozily on the small of my back.
"It's beautiful" I finally manage to breathe out, still taken back by how magical the scene is with perfect little green trees lined up along the large sloping hill and snow falling perfectly around us. If this was a common sight in Canada, then not only did I now understand why Canadians were so loyal to their country, but I would also be willing to move here for whatever reason. As long as I got to see sights like this every once in awhile, I was fine.
As Taylor chatted with both of us and sweetly talked her brother into buying her some hot chocolate after we got the tree, I watched families moving around us carrying large, bound trees to their cars.
"So what happens exactly?" I asked turning to Sidney, Taylor and Troy. "Do we just go find a tree and then chop it down?" Maybe it was silly but I had only seen things like this in movies- I didn't think that people actually did this- especially since I had grown up with fake christmas trees and had one myself as an adult.
"Yeah" Sidney said laughing slightly. "Haven't you done this before?" I shook my head no watching them look back at me like I was crazy.
"Ever?" Taylor questioned again still eyeing me with interest. I send up a quick prayer hoping that I haven't just committed some kind of dire Canadian faux-pas but Taylor surpises me by smiling and turning to Sidney who's been watching me with just as strange an expression on his face as everyone else.
I detect something else in his gaze as he watches me but the moment is quickly broken as we all begin to walk down the slope that will lead us into the rows of Christmas trees. Soon we're all absorbed into debates over which tree is the best or whether or not some are too short or too fat. I'm also surprisingly unsurpised that the men and women stick together in separate groups when it comes to having an opinion about any of the trees we stop and examine.
"Sidney, there's no way that tree will fit on the roof of the car much less in your mother's living room." I stared at the enormous tree in front of us that Sidney had dragged me to excitedly while he claimed that it was 'the one.'
"What are you talking about? It's not that big" he frowns almost making his serious hockey captain face that makes me laugh.
"Sidney" I laugh pointing to the monstrosity in front of us. "It's huge."
"What do you know?" He jokes realizing that I'm not about to back down any time soon. "This is your first time even picking out a tree so how would you what size to get?"
While he has a point, I'm not about to admit that to him. Besides, I want to smack the smirk off his face.
"I think I agree with Emma, Sid" Taylor interjects looking just as skeptical as I am at the Griswold-esque tree before us. "Mom will kill us if we bring that thing home." As women, we both know that we're right but watch as Sidney and Troy continue to talk as if there is still some hope for taking that tree home with us.
Despite our little tree competition and my previous anxiety about being there with his family, I can tell that they are starting to warm up to me and vice versa. By the time we have a normal tree tied down to the roof of the car, Taylor is definitely less shy around me and busy filling me in on various Crosby family members that are coming into town for the holidays and that will be arriving in the morning.
We make it back to the house by nightfall and I marvel at the fact that Canada, Nova Scotia in particular, is beautiful no matter what time of day it is. Throughout dinner, I realize how comfortable I'm becoming with the Crosby's in a short matter of time. Troy is still intimidating in his own right but nearly as scary as I had heard he would be.
Throughout dinner, I also catch Sidney watching me and while I'm finally content to be here around his family, the look in his eyes makes me involuntarily nervous.
It's not until after dinner when I'm drying dishes and helping Mrs. Crosby clean up that he catches up with me in the kitchen and pulls me off excusing me from dish drying duty by saying that he needs my opinion on a last minute gift idea.
While I believed him when he first pulled me out of the kitchen, I'm skeptical when he leads me to the garage door where its cold and I've neglected to put on shoes or a coat.
"Sidney, if you wanted to go somewhere, why didn't you--" Within seconds my sentence is cut off as Sidney's lips cover my own and I find my body pressed up between a wall and the warm, firm muscles of his body that seem to welcome my womanly curves so well.
Like any other time we've kissed, my brain shuts off immediately at the feeling of his soft lips caressing my own. The kiss progresses slowly but is no less passionate than any of the other ones as we silently tell each other our wants and needs. The feeling of one of his hands twisting into my thick hair to rest at the base of my neck causes me to gasp and allow him more access into my mouth.
Before breathing becomes an issue for either of us, Sidney breaks the kiss and steps away from me quickly as if I've suddenly burned him.
"Sid? Are you two in here?" I hear Mrs. Crosby call out for us and realize that Sidney must have heard her before I did and wisely backed off before we both got caught with our hands in the cookie jar.
"Yeah, we'll be back in in a sec!" He shouts, still not taking his eyes off of my own shocked ones. We both open our mouths to say something and laugh nervously when we realize that we almost spoke at the same time.
I'm more confused than ever now by his actions and why this is the third time that he's kissed me without rhyme or reason. Anymore of this and I'm going to start thinking that he actually wants something from me which we both know to be untrue.
This time its Taylor who walks into the garage holding a tray of hors d'oeuvres to put away in the garage refrigerator for Christmas day. "Are you guys okay? You both look like you've seen a ghost!" She's joking but that still doesn't take the pressure off what's become an intense staring contest between Sidney and I. Rather than wait for him to finally tell me what he's thinking, I turn and follow Taylor back into the warm house.
Whatever that was could wait until later. Later maybe we would be able to have an uninterrupted conversation and finally get down to what the hell is happening between us.
Emma's POV:
I feel like I'm in a dream by the time we make it back to Sidney's childhood home. As I quickly discover, every time I want to wake up and pinch myself, another Crosby swoops in and distracts me from thinking about a quick escape.
"So what is it that you do again?" One of Sidney's grandmothers (I can't remember which one) pats my hand gingerly as she lowers herself to a seat at the kitchen table. I had offered to help Mrs. Crosby with the casserole she was making and was assigned to vegetable cutting duty. She had looked incredibly relieved to have some help and had immediately thrust the cutting board, knife and grocery bag in my direction.
"I work for the Penguins" I reply trying to concentrate on what I'm cutting and not lose a finger in the process. "I work on charity events for the teams, that sort of thing."
She smiles understandingly and I go back to silently cutting the vegetables and taking in my surroundings. I've never been in a home like this before and it's startling to contrast what Sidney's childhood must have been like growing up compared to mine. Decoration in the house is like a war between Mrs. Crosby and Mr. Crosby split half in half with tasteful and homey decorations and hockey memorabilia. It's unique to this family and somehow fits them all perfectly. I like that it's nothing at all like the airy, white space I had grown up in. My Mom's taste had always floated between extremes where one room was what she liked to call "minimalist décor" and another was rich with fabrics and heavy furniture. It had never made any sense to me and now I wondered if that had been a result of the battle between my parents as well. My Dad with his reluctance to commit to his family and a home would surely be the result of the strange white rooms and the guady rooms would belong to my Mom who has used material possessions to compensate for her unhappiness for years. Suddenly the Crosby's house no longer looks like a battle between tastes but more like their version of compromise.
"Are you doing okay?" I feel Sidney's breath on my neck as he whispers in my ear. That's another thing that I find unsettling today- everything about our actions makes me feel as if we're a unit and that he's brought me home for Christmas for another reason, something I also know to be completely false. From the subtle touches and the way he keeps checking up on me, I'm so confused whether he's just being his normal, caring self like he is to everyone around him, or if he's acting this way because it's different now. Because we're different now.
"We're going to go get a Christmas Tree later if you're up for it. But I have to warn you, it will still be just as cold outside as it was earlier" he warns playfully.
"Oh ha ha" I reply dryly. He thought that it was hilarious how much colder I found Canada to be than Pittsburgh which was no picnic either in the weather department. Even though I had obviously brought a winter coat, that didn't stop me from exclaiming "It's freezing!" as soon as we hit the air outside of the airport.
"Oh, were you too cold Emma?" Sidney's Mom asks me watching our exchange with interest. "You can borrow one of my heavy coats if you'd like."
"No, I'm fine" I say reassuring her and shooting Sidney a look. "I brought a thicker coat with me but thank you." I don't want to be a nuissance in any way while I'm here with his family and he's making me seem like an idiot who didn't know that Canada was cold during the winter. Really, really cold.
"You're not helping" I hiss to Sidney who has discovered his inner comedian and has been using it to the fullest extent since we boarded a plane to Canada. Maybe it's all of the fresh air up here.
He grins at me again and escapes from the kitchen leaving me with all of the women once again. I'm enjoying just listening to the conversations around me when I feel a pair of eyes on me, watching me silently and assessing me. When I look up, my eyes meet Taylors who's been helping her Mom with something else on the other side of the kitchen. She quickly looks away when she realizes that I've caught her staring and a slight blush spreads on her cheeks.
I can't tell if she likes me or not or if she's just being protective of her big brother and can't figure out my purpose for being here with them. Once again I bury the urge to announce to everyone that there are no ulterior motives behind Sidney bringing me here and that they have nothing to worry about but strangely that thought only makes me feel depressed.
"Okay Mrs. Crosby, here's all of the vegetables" I announce putting another smile on my face and masking any hint of sadness.
"Oh call me Trina, sweetie. And thanks. It's nice to have some help around here" she winks at me and directs her statement at Taylor who immediately begins to defend herself.
"Mom! You know I don't cook!" Taylor's eyes meet mine again and I can't figure out if she's looking to me for some support or if she's still wondering why the hell I'm even here invading their family time.
"It's okay Taylor, I didn't start to cook until I had to if I wanted anything other than Spaghettios to eat every day." Since my Mom would shudder and then laugh off completely the idea of cooking something it had been on me as a kid to either coerce my Mom into ordering takeout or I made something for us. Then eventually my parents started going out all of the time anyway and it was easier just to do everything myself.
"Didn't your Mom cook?" Taylor asks curiously and all of the Crosby women are eyeing me strangely. I decide that there is definitely something in the air up here that makes you do and say stupid things. This is Nova Scotia, a Canadian province that still does things the old fashioned way. The notion of a Mother not providing a meal for her family is unheard of up here.
Instead of lying to them with an 'Of course! My Mom was practically Betty Crocker in white mink!' I try to downplay what I've just said instead. "Uh, not really. My Mom had a lot of other things to worry about. Besides, I enjoy cooking now that I'm older and can appreciate it." Great, what I've just said makes me sound like a harried, old woman but everyone else in the room nods and I'm grateful that they bought my story nonetheless.
Taylor looks at me funny like she wants to laugh but is interrupted when Sidney enters the kitchen again shrugging into his coat and holding my red one out for me. "Everyone ready to go?"
I smile only because he's smiling and it's been such a long time since I saw him this excited about something. I'm enjoying his happiness even more because he's excited to do something simple that most people moan and groan about.
Taylor nods and leaves to go get her coat while Sidney chats with his grandmothers who have opted to stay back and watch over the food instead.
As soon as everyone has their coats on, we pile into one of the Crosby's SUV's and head off to the Christmas tree farm nearby. Never in my 20 plus years on earth had I ever cut down a tree- especially a Christmas tree. Heaven forbid my parents participated in something so traditional as picking out and cutting down your own Christmas tree.
When we pull up to the farm, I'm shocked by how picturesque the scene is in front of me and barely notice that Sidney is nudging me again with his hand resting cozily on the small of my back.
"It's beautiful" I finally manage to breathe out, still taken back by how magical the scene is with perfect little green trees lined up along the large sloping hill and snow falling perfectly around us. If this was a common sight in Canada, then not only did I now understand why Canadians were so loyal to their country, but I would also be willing to move here for whatever reason. As long as I got to see sights like this every once in awhile, I was fine.
As Taylor chatted with both of us and sweetly talked her brother into buying her some hot chocolate after we got the tree, I watched families moving around us carrying large, bound trees to their cars.
"So what happens exactly?" I asked turning to Sidney, Taylor and Troy. "Do we just go find a tree and then chop it down?" Maybe it was silly but I had only seen things like this in movies- I didn't think that people actually did this- especially since I had grown up with fake christmas trees and had one myself as an adult.
"Yeah" Sidney said laughing slightly. "Haven't you done this before?" I shook my head no watching them look back at me like I was crazy.
"Ever?" Taylor questioned again still eyeing me with interest. I send up a quick prayer hoping that I haven't just committed some kind of dire Canadian faux-pas but Taylor surpises me by smiling and turning to Sidney who's been watching me with just as strange an expression on his face as everyone else.
I detect something else in his gaze as he watches me but the moment is quickly broken as we all begin to walk down the slope that will lead us into the rows of Christmas trees. Soon we're all absorbed into debates over which tree is the best or whether or not some are too short or too fat. I'm also surprisingly unsurpised that the men and women stick together in separate groups when it comes to having an opinion about any of the trees we stop and examine.
"Sidney, there's no way that tree will fit on the roof of the car much less in your mother's living room." I stared at the enormous tree in front of us that Sidney had dragged me to excitedly while he claimed that it was 'the one.'
"What are you talking about? It's not that big" he frowns almost making his serious hockey captain face that makes me laugh.
"Sidney" I laugh pointing to the monstrosity in front of us. "It's huge."
"What do you know?" He jokes realizing that I'm not about to back down any time soon. "This is your first time even picking out a tree so how would you what size to get?"
While he has a point, I'm not about to admit that to him. Besides, I want to smack the smirk off his face.
"I think I agree with Emma, Sid" Taylor interjects looking just as skeptical as I am at the Griswold-esque tree before us. "Mom will kill us if we bring that thing home." As women, we both know that we're right but watch as Sidney and Troy continue to talk as if there is still some hope for taking that tree home with us.
Despite our little tree competition and my previous anxiety about being there with his family, I can tell that they are starting to warm up to me and vice versa. By the time we have a normal tree tied down to the roof of the car, Taylor is definitely less shy around me and busy filling me in on various Crosby family members that are coming into town for the holidays and that will be arriving in the morning.
We make it back to the house by nightfall and I marvel at the fact that Canada, Nova Scotia in particular, is beautiful no matter what time of day it is. Throughout dinner, I realize how comfortable I'm becoming with the Crosby's in a short matter of time. Troy is still intimidating in his own right but nearly as scary as I had heard he would be.
Throughout dinner, I also catch Sidney watching me and while I'm finally content to be here around his family, the look in his eyes makes me involuntarily nervous.
It's not until after dinner when I'm drying dishes and helping Mrs. Crosby clean up that he catches up with me in the kitchen and pulls me off excusing me from dish drying duty by saying that he needs my opinion on a last minute gift idea.
While I believed him when he first pulled me out of the kitchen, I'm skeptical when he leads me to the garage door where its cold and I've neglected to put on shoes or a coat.
"Sidney, if you wanted to go somewhere, why didn't you--" Within seconds my sentence is cut off as Sidney's lips cover my own and I find my body pressed up between a wall and the warm, firm muscles of his body that seem to welcome my womanly curves so well.
Like any other time we've kissed, my brain shuts off immediately at the feeling of his soft lips caressing my own. The kiss progresses slowly but is no less passionate than any of the other ones as we silently tell each other our wants and needs. The feeling of one of his hands twisting into my thick hair to rest at the base of my neck causes me to gasp and allow him more access into my mouth.
Before breathing becomes an issue for either of us, Sidney breaks the kiss and steps away from me quickly as if I've suddenly burned him.
"Sid? Are you two in here?" I hear Mrs. Crosby call out for us and realize that Sidney must have heard her before I did and wisely backed off before we both got caught with our hands in the cookie jar.
"Yeah, we'll be back in in a sec!" He shouts, still not taking his eyes off of my own shocked ones. We both open our mouths to say something and laugh nervously when we realize that we almost spoke at the same time.
I'm more confused than ever now by his actions and why this is the third time that he's kissed me without rhyme or reason. Anymore of this and I'm going to start thinking that he actually wants something from me which we both know to be untrue.
This time its Taylor who walks into the garage holding a tray of hors d'oeuvres to put away in the garage refrigerator for Christmas day. "Are you guys okay? You both look like you've seen a ghost!" She's joking but that still doesn't take the pressure off what's become an intense staring contest between Sidney and I. Rather than wait for him to finally tell me what he's thinking, I turn and follow Taylor back into the warm house.
Whatever that was could wait until later. Later maybe we would be able to have an uninterrupted conversation and finally get down to what the hell is happening between us.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Note: Apology
Lovely readers,
I've literally been staring at a blank screen for over an hour and half now and can't muster up any inspiration for either of my stories right now. So after watching two hilarious Blackhawks videos over at the Hockey Junkies, I decided to call it a night and write this apology to you guys.
I don't know why but I've had zero inspiration all week to write and it's starting to get annoying. Normally I have all kinds of ideas bouncing around in my head but right now... nada. The weird part is that I really want to write right now- I just can't.
So sorry I am not as awesome as you other writers who whip out a chapter practically every day (ahem Jay ahem) I will dry to get out of this dry spell soon!
Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving!
I've literally been staring at a blank screen for over an hour and half now and can't muster up any inspiration for either of my stories right now. So after watching two hilarious Blackhawks videos over at the Hockey Junkies, I decided to call it a night and write this apology to you guys.
I don't know why but I've had zero inspiration all week to write and it's starting to get annoying. Normally I have all kinds of ideas bouncing around in my head but right now... nada. The weird part is that I really want to write right now- I just can't.
So sorry I am not as awesome as you other writers who whip out a chapter practically every day (ahem Jay ahem) I will dry to get out of this dry spell soon!
Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Chapter 21
Sorry this is so late guys!!! Enjoy and comment please? I really like this chapter. In fact, I giggled frequently as I wrote it. That could also just be the coffee making me that way.
Also, Happy Thanksgiving! I wish you all a very turkey-food-induced coma!
Emma's POV:
I was struggling not to fidget and failing miserably at it. Then again, I always had been a fidgeter in situations that made me uncomfortable. Right now definitely counted as uncomfortable.
"Are you okay?" Sidney asked looking over at me as I tightened the seatbelt on my lap again. I checked it one more time before deciding that it felt secure.
"You know, you can take your seatbelt off. We're already in the air" he gestured to the light above us signalling that we could indeed get up and move around the air craft.
"No, I'm good" I replied willing my body to stay still. In two more hours we would be landing in Hallifax and I wasn't completelely sure how I felt about that now that it was officially happening.
When I told Eliza and Vero about my holiday plans both of them had looked at each other, shaking their heads.
"Vous etes trés, trés stupide." Vero had told me before changing the subject- not even offering me some advice on what to do.
After my moment of girl-power in agreeing to go home with him to Cole Harbour, the feelings of confidence and strength wore off pretty quickly and were replaced by anxiety and feelings of remorse over what I had agreed to.
Then I remembered that I would have to spend time on an airplane.How could I have forgotten that I hate to fly? Years of travelling with or without my parents hadn't conditioned me for flying and I hadn't told Sidney this out of embarrassment. In fact, until this morning, I had completely forgotten about the flying part. Besides, everything was already complicated between us.
"Okay seriously, you're making me nervous with all of your moving." Sidney stated placing a firm and warm hand on my knee. The touch jolted me away from where I was concentrating out the window and back to his face.
"Em?" He asked now looking at me curiously. "Are you okay with flying?"
I tried to give a reassuring yes but it came out more like a squeak as we hit turbulence, the butterflies exploding in my stomach once more.
"Where's your iPod?" He asked chuckling and shaking his head. I gestured to the purse at my feet and he leaned forward to dig around in it for me. "I seriously don't understand what it is with women and huge bags" he grumbled finally pulling out the device.
He smiled at me and popped an ear bud in each of our ears, scrolling around for something that we could listen to. "Music will help" he stated leaning back and looking relaxed and incredibly perfect in his reebok sweater and pens hat. How does he do that?
In fact, he had seemed remarkably relaxed all morning, even when I obviously wasn't. Hell, I was a complete mess and he had been so nice, guiding me through the airport and laughing repeatedly every time he mentioned something about our plans with his family and I forced myself to smile like I was excited. He could see right through my little charade and yet he was as patient as ever and reassuring me that I would have fun.
It actually surprised me how patient he was being considering the roles were usually reversed between us and he was the antsy one who worried and dissected everything.
Truthfully, I knew that I shouldn't be nervous about this. Yes, I was meeting his family but I wasn't meeting them as a girlfriend or lover, I was meeting them as the awkward friend of his that didn't have anywhere else to go for the holidays.
"Put your head back and try to relax" he instructed already closing his eyes in relaxation. I tried to copy him and get comfortable by tucking one of my legs up beneath me and rest my head against the window. This failed however when my movement away from him yanked his earbud out.
"You're still fidgeting" he whispered laughing at me again. The woman across from us gave both of us a dirty look and "shh'ed" us. "Come here" he motioned lifting his arm and sliding it around my shoulders. Before I knew it, my head was resting against the crook between his arm and chest and he settled back against his seat again seemingly oblivious to our cozy position and all of its implications.
Under the weight of his warm arm, I felt my body begin to unwind even though my brain was on high alert just from being in close proximity to him again. i breathed in his scent which was now surrounding me like giant comfort blanket. Did he even realize that he smelled like winter? It was something I had never really noticed until now but he smelled like cold, fresh air on a grey, winter afternoon in January. Without realizing it, I nestled my head in further against his arm finding an even more comforting position against him. I didn't even want to think about what we looked like right now cuddled against each other.
"You're still not relaxing" he mumbled. "I can hear your brain still working."
I tilted my head back slightly to look up at the smooth lines of his face. From this angle I could see the fan of his eyelashes which looked oddly long and feminine when his eyes were closed. I smiled- Sidney Crosby had the eyelashes of a little girl. The thought almost made me laugh out loud until I realized that he had dozed off completely and within seconds.
I hit pause on the iPod so that the music couldn't disturb him and closed my own eyes falling asleep within minutes. I wished that we could have just hit pause on the moment instead.
Also, Happy Thanksgiving! I wish you all a very turkey-food-induced coma!
Emma's POV:
I was struggling not to fidget and failing miserably at it. Then again, I always had been a fidgeter in situations that made me uncomfortable. Right now definitely counted as uncomfortable.
"Are you okay?" Sidney asked looking over at me as I tightened the seatbelt on my lap again. I checked it one more time before deciding that it felt secure.
"You know, you can take your seatbelt off. We're already in the air" he gestured to the light above us signalling that we could indeed get up and move around the air craft.
"No, I'm good" I replied willing my body to stay still. In two more hours we would be landing in Hallifax and I wasn't completelely sure how I felt about that now that it was officially happening.
When I told Eliza and Vero about my holiday plans both of them had looked at each other, shaking their heads.
"Vous etes trés, trés stupide." Vero had told me before changing the subject- not even offering me some advice on what to do.
After my moment of girl-power in agreeing to go home with him to Cole Harbour, the feelings of confidence and strength wore off pretty quickly and were replaced by anxiety and feelings of remorse over what I had agreed to.
Then I remembered that I would have to spend time on an airplane.How could I have forgotten that I hate to fly? Years of travelling with or without my parents hadn't conditioned me for flying and I hadn't told Sidney this out of embarrassment. In fact, until this morning, I had completely forgotten about the flying part. Besides, everything was already complicated between us.
"Okay seriously, you're making me nervous with all of your moving." Sidney stated placing a firm and warm hand on my knee. The touch jolted me away from where I was concentrating out the window and back to his face.
"Em?" He asked now looking at me curiously. "Are you okay with flying?"
I tried to give a reassuring yes but it came out more like a squeak as we hit turbulence, the butterflies exploding in my stomach once more.
"Where's your iPod?" He asked chuckling and shaking his head. I gestured to the purse at my feet and he leaned forward to dig around in it for me. "I seriously don't understand what it is with women and huge bags" he grumbled finally pulling out the device.
He smiled at me and popped an ear bud in each of our ears, scrolling around for something that we could listen to. "Music will help" he stated leaning back and looking relaxed and incredibly perfect in his reebok sweater and pens hat. How does he do that?
In fact, he had seemed remarkably relaxed all morning, even when I obviously wasn't. Hell, I was a complete mess and he had been so nice, guiding me through the airport and laughing repeatedly every time he mentioned something about our plans with his family and I forced myself to smile like I was excited. He could see right through my little charade and yet he was as patient as ever and reassuring me that I would have fun.
It actually surprised me how patient he was being considering the roles were usually reversed between us and he was the antsy one who worried and dissected everything.
Truthfully, I knew that I shouldn't be nervous about this. Yes, I was meeting his family but I wasn't meeting them as a girlfriend or lover, I was meeting them as the awkward friend of his that didn't have anywhere else to go for the holidays.
"Put your head back and try to relax" he instructed already closing his eyes in relaxation. I tried to copy him and get comfortable by tucking one of my legs up beneath me and rest my head against the window. This failed however when my movement away from him yanked his earbud out.
"You're still fidgeting" he whispered laughing at me again. The woman across from us gave both of us a dirty look and "shh'ed" us. "Come here" he motioned lifting his arm and sliding it around my shoulders. Before I knew it, my head was resting against the crook between his arm and chest and he settled back against his seat again seemingly oblivious to our cozy position and all of its implications.
Under the weight of his warm arm, I felt my body begin to unwind even though my brain was on high alert just from being in close proximity to him again. i breathed in his scent which was now surrounding me like giant comfort blanket. Did he even realize that he smelled like winter? It was something I had never really noticed until now but he smelled like cold, fresh air on a grey, winter afternoon in January. Without realizing it, I nestled my head in further against his arm finding an even more comforting position against him. I didn't even want to think about what we looked like right now cuddled against each other.
"You're still not relaxing" he mumbled. "I can hear your brain still working."
I tilted my head back slightly to look up at the smooth lines of his face. From this angle I could see the fan of his eyelashes which looked oddly long and feminine when his eyes were closed. I smiled- Sidney Crosby had the eyelashes of a little girl. The thought almost made me laugh out loud until I realized that he had dozed off completely and within seconds.
I hit pause on the iPod so that the music couldn't disturb him and closed my own eyes falling asleep within minutes. I wished that we could have just hit pause on the moment instead.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Chapter 20
Did I tell you guys how much I detest this semester? I feel like writing is my only escape from anything right now so I appreciate it so much that I have this strange little hobby of mine to turn to. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I felt like so much of my own head was inside Emma's towards the end of this chapter and that makes me smile. Maybe you'll understand this ramble when you get there.
Emma's POV:
We needed to talk.
We really needed to talk but I couldn't do anything while his lips were attached to the sensitive skin on my neck. He was discovering skin that I didn't even know I had on my neck and making me feel like my body was slowly being swallowed in flames. "Friends" did not do these sorts of things. Friends did not make out for a solid twenty minutes in a kitchen like two teenagers discovering what puberty did to bodies.
But I hadn't said yes to this weird Christmas scheme he had cooked up and for as much as I was in heaven right now, I felt like a fraud. I was lying by continuing to kiss him and letting him believe that I had really said yes.
He groaned at the feeling of my nails scraping along his neck and pushed me back farther onto the counter rapping my head against the cupboards and making me gasp in shock. This time I was seeing stars but for a different reason than before.
"I'm really sorry, are you okay?" he winced holding my head gently while I struggled to focus my eyes. I was so out of sorts from our makeout session and from hitting my head that I couldn't do anything but focus on the golden eyes in front of me. "How many fingers do I have up?" he joked holding three fingers up in front of my face. At least I thought that was three fingers.
"Three?" I guessed still feeling woozy.
He grinned leaning in to kiss me again and I stopped him by putting a hand on his chest. Who was this Sidney Crosby and where had he come from? I had absolutely no idea that he could be this forward and I wasn't a girl accustomed to a man taking charge like that. Much less one of my closest friends.
"Wait" I said trying to disengage our lips.
"Hmm?" he mumbled trying to tempt me into deepening the kiss. I guess I wasn't very convincing with one of my arms still wrapped tightly around his neck and my hand buried in his hair.
"Sidney, this isn't a good idea" I said trying to remain strong and resist my urge to taste the skin beneath his ear. He wrinkled his eyebrows at me in confusion, his lips still tantalizingly close to mine.
"What? Why?"
How would I explain this to him without coming off like a complete bitch? And worse, an awful, terrible friend?
"Sidney, I didn't say 'yes.'" I waited for him to blow up at me and ruin what was quite literally one of the best 20 minutes of my life so far. He pulled back just staring at me and I hated that I couldn't tell what he was thinking. He was just looking at me with those eyes of his and I could feel his brain picking me apart. The worst part of it was that I couldn't move anywhere with his arms holding me in place on the counter and my legs still wrapped tightly around his waist.
"You said you were going to say yes" he said looking utterly confused. So much for this being an easy, adult conversation. At the rate we were going, hormones were going to get in the way again and I felt a fight coming on.
I opened my mouth to start explaining but he held a hand up and stopped me without saying anything. "You said yes" he said continuing to stare at me. I was positive that this was the beginning of a fight until I noticed the twinkle in his eye.
"Are you smiling?" I asked in disbelief that he would even find humor in this situation. He was the more serious one out of the both of us!
"No" he said coughing and trying to cover up his mouth.
"You are laughing!" I cried out torn between laughing with him and feeling offended. What was so funny about this situation? He was tearing me in half with all of this confusion and he had the audacity to laugh at me right now?
"I'm not, I promise" he said holding his breath before bursting out into laughter. I hadn't seen him laugh like that in awhile and it was nice to hear even though I wasn't quite fond of what he was laughing at. Namely me. I pushed at his shoulders so that I could get down off of the counter and put some real space between us. It was hard to reason with him when he was laughing at me and still standing in between my legs.
He stepped aside letting me down off of my perch while he calmed himself down. My once tucked in blouse was now completely out of the hold of my belt and the top two buttons were undone making me wonder when his fingers had even gotten to those. I buttoned them up quickly watching him watch me with a grin still plastered to his face. Again I wondered who this Sidney Crosby was standing in front of me.
"I think that I should go." I didn't know what to make of him just standing there smiling at me. And damn it, couldn't he just take no for an answer for once?
"Wait" he said stepping forward to grab my arm gently. "I'm sorry. Really" he said holding me in place. "I'm not laughing at you."
Laughing at me, my ass. "Then what are you laughing at?"
And why did you kiss me? Twice?
Sidney's POV:
"Then what are you laughing at?" she asked still trying to wiggle her arm out of my hold. I wasn't going to let her just walk away now. I found it cute that she thought that she could get away from me that easily. I should have stopped touching her even before this but I couldn't will my hand to move away from the soft skin of her arm.
"You said that you were going to say 'yes.'" I said ignoring her question and trying to force the conversation elsewhere. The last thing I wanted to do was fight with her again but I had heard what she said and there was no way that I was letting that go. She pursed her lips like she did whenever she was trying to figure something out and my eyes focused on the movement and on her pink lips.
Her lips represented everything that was complicated between us right now and part of me regretted taking that step with her. I didn't know how we had gone from fighting to kissing in 10 seconds flat but it had been impossible for me to not kiss her in that moment. Something about hearing her finally say 'yes' to coming home with me had set me off. It wasn't like she pushed me away either and I had to force myself not to think about the way her nails had felt on my scalp. There had to be consequences to thinking about one of your best friends this way and acting on those thoughts.
Besides, it would never be a good idea for the two of us to become something more than friends. I barely had time to focus on anything besides hockey right now and the last time I had tried for a personal relationship, it had ended in disaster and a broken vase. Emma deserved better than any of that. She needed someone that could be there for her all of the time instead of once or twice a week.
She also deserved to have a good Christmas. If I could learn to ignore my urges around her and put everything back to normal, then we could both enjoy time with my family and come back like nothing ever happened. Just two adults functioning as friends.
"Look, let's just forget everything else. I didn't mean for things to get so-" I paused not knowing what to call the kiss. I couldn't think of an adjective to describe it either without sounding like an ass. "heated a few minutes ago." There, that was accurate enough without lying completely. It had definitely been hot. "Why don't you just take time to think about Christmas and let me know later this week?"
She nodded eyeing me like she knew that I was full of shit and took a complete step back making the room drop in temperature as everything clicked back to the way it was.
"Okay. Sure." She looked paler than she had before and glanced down at her watch obviously looking for an escape. This night hadn't exactly gone as planned. Nothing went as planned with her- ever. Then again, what had I been expecting tonight? I didn't have an answer to that either.
"I'm going to get going. Do you need help cleaning up?"
I shook my head no but she was already walking to where she had draped her coat on a chair when she first came in. "I'll talk to you later" she told me before quickly shutting the door leading to the garage behind her.
Really smooth, Crosby.
Emma's POV:
I made it home without giving into temptation and stopping at Giant Eagle to pick up multiple containers of Ben and Jerry's. Eating through my feelings wasn't going to achieve anything besides adding to my waistline which I couldn't handle right now. A girl could only work out so much before wanting to burn every one of her sports bras.
Tonight had turned into one big, collossal mess and I wanted to punch something- more importantly someone. I had never been one for violent urges- that was Eliza's territory- but Sidney brought out the worst in me and lately my violent urges had gotten more frequent.
Why hadn't I stayed and demanded answers? I should have, I deserved them. And yet, I just left. I always just leave and it was frustrating to fall victim to my instincts and habits once again. What was worse was that he had brushed it off like it was nothing. He went from kissing me, to laughing to pretending like that was all normal in the span of 5 minutes. How was I supposed to feel after all of that? I couldn't be as robotic as he apparently could be. Then again, maybe he hadn't enjoyed the kiss the way I had? Maybe it was one of those 'been there, done that' scenarios and I was now in the 'done that' category.
But damn it, we were friends! Friends didn't pull shit like that with friends! You at least had the courtesy to give explanations when you pulled weird shit like that with friends. Not that I had ever been in this position before but that didn't really make a difference right now. My rational side didn't have to make an appearance right now.
My phone beeped signalling a text message and I picked it up from where I had tossed it onto the counter angrily when I got home.
I got you a plane ticket just in case. It's refundable if you decide not to come. -Sid
What an ass. He was still being pushy but trying to act like he wasn't by giving me a choice in the matter. By throwing the ball in my court and acting like all of this was really my choice, he actually had the ball in his court in a some twisted way. Mr. In-Control was in control again and it pissed me off. How could someone just be that emotionally in check all of the damn time? Didn't he slip up? Ever?
The perverse side of my mind wanted to go with him to Nova Scotia now just to show him that our little display in the kitchen didn't mean anything to me either. Never mind that my head had simultaneously cracked open and slid off my shoulders from the feeling of his lips on mine. Never mind that I had been thinking about what kissing him would feel like since the day I laid eyes on him. If he could act like it was nothing than it was nothing to me too.
I pulled out my phone and quickly typed out a text to him curious to see how he would react.
How much do I owe you for it? I'm coming.
I couldn't take the text back now as it disappeared off into cyber space but I felt more confident now like we were finally toe to toe.
Bring it, Crosby.
Emma's POV:
We needed to talk.
We really needed to talk but I couldn't do anything while his lips were attached to the sensitive skin on my neck. He was discovering skin that I didn't even know I had on my neck and making me feel like my body was slowly being swallowed in flames. "Friends" did not do these sorts of things. Friends did not make out for a solid twenty minutes in a kitchen like two teenagers discovering what puberty did to bodies.
But I hadn't said yes to this weird Christmas scheme he had cooked up and for as much as I was in heaven right now, I felt like a fraud. I was lying by continuing to kiss him and letting him believe that I had really said yes.
He groaned at the feeling of my nails scraping along his neck and pushed me back farther onto the counter rapping my head against the cupboards and making me gasp in shock. This time I was seeing stars but for a different reason than before.
"I'm really sorry, are you okay?" he winced holding my head gently while I struggled to focus my eyes. I was so out of sorts from our makeout session and from hitting my head that I couldn't do anything but focus on the golden eyes in front of me. "How many fingers do I have up?" he joked holding three fingers up in front of my face. At least I thought that was three fingers.
"Three?" I guessed still feeling woozy.
He grinned leaning in to kiss me again and I stopped him by putting a hand on his chest. Who was this Sidney Crosby and where had he come from? I had absolutely no idea that he could be this forward and I wasn't a girl accustomed to a man taking charge like that. Much less one of my closest friends.
"Wait" I said trying to disengage our lips.
"Hmm?" he mumbled trying to tempt me into deepening the kiss. I guess I wasn't very convincing with one of my arms still wrapped tightly around his neck and my hand buried in his hair.
"Sidney, this isn't a good idea" I said trying to remain strong and resist my urge to taste the skin beneath his ear. He wrinkled his eyebrows at me in confusion, his lips still tantalizingly close to mine.
"What? Why?"
How would I explain this to him without coming off like a complete bitch? And worse, an awful, terrible friend?
"Sidney, I didn't say 'yes.'" I waited for him to blow up at me and ruin what was quite literally one of the best 20 minutes of my life so far. He pulled back just staring at me and I hated that I couldn't tell what he was thinking. He was just looking at me with those eyes of his and I could feel his brain picking me apart. The worst part of it was that I couldn't move anywhere with his arms holding me in place on the counter and my legs still wrapped tightly around his waist.
"You said you were going to say yes" he said looking utterly confused. So much for this being an easy, adult conversation. At the rate we were going, hormones were going to get in the way again and I felt a fight coming on.
I opened my mouth to start explaining but he held a hand up and stopped me without saying anything. "You said yes" he said continuing to stare at me. I was positive that this was the beginning of a fight until I noticed the twinkle in his eye.
"Are you smiling?" I asked in disbelief that he would even find humor in this situation. He was the more serious one out of the both of us!
"No" he said coughing and trying to cover up his mouth.
"You are laughing!" I cried out torn between laughing with him and feeling offended. What was so funny about this situation? He was tearing me in half with all of this confusion and he had the audacity to laugh at me right now?
"I'm not, I promise" he said holding his breath before bursting out into laughter. I hadn't seen him laugh like that in awhile and it was nice to hear even though I wasn't quite fond of what he was laughing at. Namely me. I pushed at his shoulders so that I could get down off of the counter and put some real space between us. It was hard to reason with him when he was laughing at me and still standing in between my legs.
He stepped aside letting me down off of my perch while he calmed himself down. My once tucked in blouse was now completely out of the hold of my belt and the top two buttons were undone making me wonder when his fingers had even gotten to those. I buttoned them up quickly watching him watch me with a grin still plastered to his face. Again I wondered who this Sidney Crosby was standing in front of me.
"I think that I should go." I didn't know what to make of him just standing there smiling at me. And damn it, couldn't he just take no for an answer for once?
"Wait" he said stepping forward to grab my arm gently. "I'm sorry. Really" he said holding me in place. "I'm not laughing at you."
Laughing at me, my ass. "Then what are you laughing at?"
And why did you kiss me? Twice?
Sidney's POV:
"Then what are you laughing at?" she asked still trying to wiggle her arm out of my hold. I wasn't going to let her just walk away now. I found it cute that she thought that she could get away from me that easily. I should have stopped touching her even before this but I couldn't will my hand to move away from the soft skin of her arm.
"You said that you were going to say 'yes.'" I said ignoring her question and trying to force the conversation elsewhere. The last thing I wanted to do was fight with her again but I had heard what she said and there was no way that I was letting that go. She pursed her lips like she did whenever she was trying to figure something out and my eyes focused on the movement and on her pink lips.
Her lips represented everything that was complicated between us right now and part of me regretted taking that step with her. I didn't know how we had gone from fighting to kissing in 10 seconds flat but it had been impossible for me to not kiss her in that moment. Something about hearing her finally say 'yes' to coming home with me had set me off. It wasn't like she pushed me away either and I had to force myself not to think about the way her nails had felt on my scalp. There had to be consequences to thinking about one of your best friends this way and acting on those thoughts.
Besides, it would never be a good idea for the two of us to become something more than friends. I barely had time to focus on anything besides hockey right now and the last time I had tried for a personal relationship, it had ended in disaster and a broken vase. Emma deserved better than any of that. She needed someone that could be there for her all of the time instead of once or twice a week.
She also deserved to have a good Christmas. If I could learn to ignore my urges around her and put everything back to normal, then we could both enjoy time with my family and come back like nothing ever happened. Just two adults functioning as friends.
"Look, let's just forget everything else. I didn't mean for things to get so-" I paused not knowing what to call the kiss. I couldn't think of an adjective to describe it either without sounding like an ass. "heated a few minutes ago." There, that was accurate enough without lying completely. It had definitely been hot. "Why don't you just take time to think about Christmas and let me know later this week?"
She nodded eyeing me like she knew that I was full of shit and took a complete step back making the room drop in temperature as everything clicked back to the way it was.
"Okay. Sure." She looked paler than she had before and glanced down at her watch obviously looking for an escape. This night hadn't exactly gone as planned. Nothing went as planned with her- ever. Then again, what had I been expecting tonight? I didn't have an answer to that either.
"I'm going to get going. Do you need help cleaning up?"
I shook my head no but she was already walking to where she had draped her coat on a chair when she first came in. "I'll talk to you later" she told me before quickly shutting the door leading to the garage behind her.
Really smooth, Crosby.
Emma's POV:
I made it home without giving into temptation and stopping at Giant Eagle to pick up multiple containers of Ben and Jerry's. Eating through my feelings wasn't going to achieve anything besides adding to my waistline which I couldn't handle right now. A girl could only work out so much before wanting to burn every one of her sports bras.
Tonight had turned into one big, collossal mess and I wanted to punch something- more importantly someone. I had never been one for violent urges- that was Eliza's territory- but Sidney brought out the worst in me and lately my violent urges had gotten more frequent.
Why hadn't I stayed and demanded answers? I should have, I deserved them. And yet, I just left. I always just leave and it was frustrating to fall victim to my instincts and habits once again. What was worse was that he had brushed it off like it was nothing. He went from kissing me, to laughing to pretending like that was all normal in the span of 5 minutes. How was I supposed to feel after all of that? I couldn't be as robotic as he apparently could be. Then again, maybe he hadn't enjoyed the kiss the way I had? Maybe it was one of those 'been there, done that' scenarios and I was now in the 'done that' category.
But damn it, we were friends! Friends didn't pull shit like that with friends! You at least had the courtesy to give explanations when you pulled weird shit like that with friends. Not that I had ever been in this position before but that didn't really make a difference right now. My rational side didn't have to make an appearance right now.
My phone beeped signalling a text message and I picked it up from where I had tossed it onto the counter angrily when I got home.
I got you a plane ticket just in case. It's refundable if you decide not to come. -Sid
What an ass. He was still being pushy but trying to act like he wasn't by giving me a choice in the matter. By throwing the ball in my court and acting like all of this was really my choice, he actually had the ball in his court in a some twisted way. Mr. In-Control was in control again and it pissed me off. How could someone just be that emotionally in check all of the damn time? Didn't he slip up? Ever?
The perverse side of my mind wanted to go with him to Nova Scotia now just to show him that our little display in the kitchen didn't mean anything to me either. Never mind that my head had simultaneously cracked open and slid off my shoulders from the feeling of his lips on mine. Never mind that I had been thinking about what kissing him would feel like since the day I laid eyes on him. If he could act like it was nothing than it was nothing to me too.
I pulled out my phone and quickly typed out a text to him curious to see how he would react.
How much do I owe you for it? I'm coming.
I couldn't take the text back now as it disappeared off into cyber space but I felt more confident now like we were finally toe to toe.
Bring it, Crosby.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Chapter 19
I had an intense burst of creativity today and decided to whip out another chapter. I think you'll all like it :D
Sidney's POV:
Apparently patience wasn't really my best trait. I had sworn to myself that I would keep being patient with Emma but after she hadn't answered any of my texts during our roadtrip, I was ready to do what it took to make her speak to me again. Was she really that freaked out by me kissing her? I was starting to worry that I had misread the signals and that she secretly hated kissing me and didn't want to make me feel bad.
And now I sounded like a girl while I internally struggled over what to do. It wasn't like I could tell anyone because no one I knew could keep a secret and if I told Marc anything he would tell Vero and she would tell Emma. Those two were practically attached at the hip and I couldn't imagine her keeping a secret from Emma if it involved something juicy.
That morning I had woken up with the intention of going to the rink early before practice at 10 and get some of my aggression out on the ice. Instead I had only made it through half of my usual routine before I found myself back where the whole mess had started- outside of her office door.
The rest of the staff had looked at me strangely when I entered the offices still dressed in my workout gear and probably looking suspicious considering there was no real need for me to be up here. Should I knock or turn around and wait until she came to me?
Who was I kidding? She was avoiding me for a reason and wouldn't come to me until I confronted her about it. All girls, even the good ones like Emma, worked like that. They made us suffer without even knowing it.
I knocked on the door before I could change my mind again and waited until I heard the faint sound of her voice telling me to come in. I opened the door and tried not to let the look of shock on her face annoy me. She masked it quickly and flashed a smile smoothing down the front of her blouse.
"Hey Sid, what can I do for you?"
Sid? She never called me Sid. Not even when we weren't friends. She was one of the few people in my life that did call me Sidney aside from my grandmothers.
"Is your phone broken?" I asked trying to cut through her mask of defense. If she thought that she was getting away this time, she was wrong.
"My phone?" She asked obviously playing dumb. She had never been a good liar. Even if it occassionally worked with other people, it didn't work on me.
"Yeah, I've called and left a message and sent you a bunch of texts. And you didn't reply to any of them."
She opened her mouth to speak and then sighed loosing one layer of her composure.
"I've been busy and I got your message but then I figured you would be too busy on the road to talk."
That was a logical enough reason but she still obviously didn't want to talk to me. Somehow not talking to Emma for a week was a million times worse than not talking to anyone else- my current girlfriend included.
"So can we talk now? Either that or come over to dinner tonight so that we can talk then. I'm tired of you avoiding me."
She gave me another look and I cut her off before she could say anything else. "Don't try to deny it. You know you've been avoiding me." I knew that I was being a little too aggressive with her but once she was set on doing something, she was nearly unstoppable. And right now she was dead set on pretending like I didn't exist. The idea of that was crawling under my skin and bugging the hell out of me.
"Fine, dinner it is. But I won't be done until 7 so do you want me to just pick up the food on my way over?"
"Nope, don't worry about it. Just come over and I'll figure out dinner."
She nodded still looking at me warily and I told her that I would see her later before heading out to continue my workout downstairs. I didn't feel any better about the situation but at least she was talking to me. If she was talking to me and coming over for dinner, then that was a start. For now I had to strategize and take care of something important.
Emma's POV:
How was he able to pinpoint my actions so well? After barging into my office and looking annoyingly sexy in his workout clothes, he had zeroed right in on the fact that I had been avoiding him and somehow coerced me into having dinner with him.
I was a total failure at being a woman. Weren't women supposed to have control over men and not the other way around? Weren't we supposed to flutter our eyelashes and make everyone in the near vicinity with a penis fall to their knees? My own Mother could do it and had been doing it for years before my Dad wised up and caught on to her tricks.
The real problem here wasn't my lack of feminine wiles, it was that I was a pushover when it came to him and he always knew how to get past me. But that was old news. I had long gotten over the fact that when it came to Sidney Crosby, he was always going to have more control over me than I would over him.
Do you know how terrifying that realization is? To realize that someone literally has that much control over my actions and thoughts? It would be unhealthy if I wasn't a productive member of society and if we weren't strictly friends with one measly kiss between us. What was that old saying in black and white movies? 'What's a kiss between friends?'
That phrase became my mantra as I worked the rest of the day to distract myself from my own wandering mind. By 6pm I realized that I had exaggerated my workload and was browsing the internet reading news articles just to pass the time so that I didn't show up on his doorstep too early. I could at least save my dignity by not appearing too eager and showing up on his doorstep before 7pm.
Finally after reading weather forecasts for Pittsburgh and other random cities a million times, I turned off the lights in my office and headed out to my car. On the way over I tried not to psych myself out by worrying too much about he wanted to talk about. The naive part of me still wanted to believe that he just wanted to discuss charity or hockey with me. Anything but the kiss we had shared. I didn't think that my heart or my head could handle listening to him apologize and give me a random reason why he did it.
When I pulled up outside of his house, it was all lit up with one of the garage doors open so that I could pull my car in and get into the house. I had been to his house hundreds of times before following this exact same routine of letting myself into his house. So why did I suddenly feel like I needed to knock before entering?
The garage door leading into the house opened revealing Sidney standing there telling me something that I couldn't hear because I was still sitting in my running car. He knocked on the window motioning for me to put it down.
"I said, are you ever going to get out of your car? It's been like 5 minutes."
I blushed feeling irritable and embarrassed about how we were both acting and fumbled to turn everything off and detach myself from the car. He was waiting patiently and staring at me as I finally got out of the car.
He looked at me for another moment and gave me a small smile telling me to follow him into the house.
"I ordered chinese food for us."
"Okay, that sounds good" I said finally speaking up and thanking god when my voice sounded normal. How did he always look so good when I managed to look like a disaster at the end of a work day? In the very least he shouldn't wear such tight shirts that show off his broad shoulders so well.
"Wait, why is your vase missing?" I noticed it immediately as we entered the kitchen and saw that his tacky, ornamental vase was mysteriously gone. His grandma had given it to him as a house warming gift and we always laughed about how tacky it was even though he always left it out in the middle of the large kitchen island. It was a staple to his non-existent décor.
"Oh" he said looking angry. "Christine tried to heave it at me."
My jaw dropped in shock as I comprehended what he had just told me. She was not only completely awful but also abusive? "What?!"
"Yeah, we got into another argument and she tried to throw it at me but she couldn't lift it so instead it just fell and broke."
"Oh my god, Sidney. That's terrible! I mean the vase was horrible but it belonged here on the counter." How could she do that? If I didn't hate her already, I hated her now for not appreciating that his grandmother had given it to him as a present!
"It doesn't matter now, she's gone now" he said pulling chinese cartons out of the big, paper bag.
"Good. I wouldn't want to be here if she was still lingering around after that." Having dinner with both of them would be beyond terrible.
He laughed and handed me a plate with a carton of the lo mein he had ordered for me. "No, I mean she's gone. I broke up with her."
I tried to act non-chalant while internally berating myself for being so stupid. Of course he meant that they had broken up. But why? Weren't they thinking of moving in together? He hadn't seemed thrilled about the idea exactly but he never told me what he was going to do.
"She just didn't take the news very well" Sidney added taking his own cartons with him to the living room leaving me to follow him in astonishment.
I grabbed two waters from the fridge before following him. He was already stretched out on the couch not leaving me a lot of room to sit with distance between us and of course, a taping of last week's "Hockey Night in Canada" already on. Strangely, even though I got more than enough hockey during the day time, I liked watching recaps with Sidney. Maybe it was unhealthy that hockey was his job and also the only thing he watched on TV if it wasn't a movie or Friends, but he never seemed to tire of it and I was always entertained just from listening to the sportscasters. I handed him his drink and plopped down careful to put some space between us. Unfortunately the cushions which are normally so comfortable, angled down leaving me sitting closer to him than I would have liked and I sat uncomfortably on an angle.
"So what did you need to talk to me about?" I asked finally breaking the silence between us. How could I enjoy my food when he was just sitting there and not telling me why I was there in the first place?
"Do you know what you're doing for Christmas yet?" He said still focusing on the TV screen.
I wanted to groan and then smack him for bringing me here for that. I was Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide with my emotions all over the place. I didn't want to talk about the kiss but I wanted to. I didn't want to be here with him right now but I did. I wanted to ask him why he had really broken up with the Viper but I couldn't form the words.
"We talked about that. I really think that you should spend the holidays with your family Sidney. You guys don't need an intruder there also" I replied staying calm and trying to keep my face completely passive.
"But you're not going to be an intruder. And I am going to spend the holidays with my family for a few days but I don't see why you won't come with me. You're the only one that is finding anything wrong with this idea."
He looked frustrated with me again almost like he wanted to say something else to me but was holding himself back. If he would just say what he wanted to say, then maybe we wouldn't be frustrated with each other right now.
"Well I don't understand why you won't just accept 'thanks but no thanks' as an answer and let it go." I was getting defensive now and a headache was forming between my eyes. I hated fighting with him and that's all we seemed to be doing lately- almost like we weren't friends at all.
He didn't answer my question. Instead he shook his head at me and got up from the couch, walking into the kitchen leaving me stunned that he had actually chosen to ignore me and just left like that. I don't think so buddy.
"Sidney Patrick Crosby, don't you dare walk away from me." I said following him and channeling my inner-mother. He stood with his back facing me at the sink rinsing off his plate and loading it into the dishwasher still ignoring me.
"Okay listen" I said poking him hard in the back. "You're the one that made me come to dinner tonight and now you don't even want to have a conversation with me. You just want to talk and I'm apparently expected to just fall into line." After years of dealing with my parents, I hated when no one listened to me and just expected me to bend to their whim and will. Sidney was at least supposed to respect me and not do that to me. He was supposed to understand when I said no and not just walk away like I was incapable of understanding.
I poked him again for good measure causing him to turn around and grab my wrist to prevent me from jabbing him again. "Stop poking me" he growled looking at me like I was an annoyance. I hated that. I wanted him to look at me and be just as angry as I was in that moment- not look at me think of me as an inconvenience or like a little kid that needs to be sent away.
"Stop ignoring me when I tell you 'no' or when I explain why I don't want to go home with you."
His grip on my wrist tightened holding me in place in front of him. "I will when you stop giving me bullshit excuses all of the time." He grabbed my other wrist as it went in for the kill to stab him again pulling us closer together. I didn't even care because I was so angry at him that this time, the closeness of our bodies wasn't affecting me like it normally would.
"I invited you home with me because my family is warm and loving- something that I know your family is not. I just wanted to make sure that you enjoyed Christmas this year and knew that you would with my family.That's it. No hidden agenda or ulterior motive."
We stood there in silence after he had finished. His grip had loosened on my wrists and the pads of his thumbs were tracing gentle circles over the pulse in my wrists. Did I believe him? It was hard not to especially since he no longer looked like he wanted to throttle me.
"So what's your excuse now? Go ahead, I really want to hear what you'll make your new excuse of why you can't just enjoy the holidays with my family?"
I stiffened feeling the nice thoughts I was thinking about him disappear and be replaced with anger again at his words. Of course he had to go and ruin the moment like that.
"You know, I was about to say that I would think about it or say yes when you had to go and-" I started to yell at him and pull out of his hold completely when his arm slipped around my waist to my lower back crushing me against him. His lips were on mine before I could finish my sentence and my traitorous lips instantly responded to his. This time was different. Where our first kiss had been short and sweet, this kiss was rough and building quickly into a battle of wills as he gained control and I fought to keep up with him. His strong hand pressed my lower back towards him as we met core to core. His lips were still moving smoothly over mine as he switched our positions and hitched me up to sit on the countertop behind us. My legs parted instantly allowing him full access between them as he continued to attack my mouth and rub his hand up over my blouse to rest beneath my breast. I gasped, eyes nearly rolling into the back of my head as his teeth scraped along my jawline and my hands jumped to his shoulders as I tightened my legs around his waist. He groaned at the new contact and broke the kiss letting our breath mix together in the limited space between us.
"What just happened?" I asked feeling almost dazed. No kiss had ever thrown me off my sanity like this one had- even our previous, perfect kiss.
"You said yes" he said smiling and placing his lips on mine again, this time at a gentler rate.
Okay so I hadn't exactly said yes but his lips felt so wonderful on mine that for once, I let it go choosing to live in the moment instead and find answers later.
Sidney's POV:
Apparently patience wasn't really my best trait. I had sworn to myself that I would keep being patient with Emma but after she hadn't answered any of my texts during our roadtrip, I was ready to do what it took to make her speak to me again. Was she really that freaked out by me kissing her? I was starting to worry that I had misread the signals and that she secretly hated kissing me and didn't want to make me feel bad.
And now I sounded like a girl while I internally struggled over what to do. It wasn't like I could tell anyone because no one I knew could keep a secret and if I told Marc anything he would tell Vero and she would tell Emma. Those two were practically attached at the hip and I couldn't imagine her keeping a secret from Emma if it involved something juicy.
That morning I had woken up with the intention of going to the rink early before practice at 10 and get some of my aggression out on the ice. Instead I had only made it through half of my usual routine before I found myself back where the whole mess had started- outside of her office door.
The rest of the staff had looked at me strangely when I entered the offices still dressed in my workout gear and probably looking suspicious considering there was no real need for me to be up here. Should I knock or turn around and wait until she came to me?
Who was I kidding? She was avoiding me for a reason and wouldn't come to me until I confronted her about it. All girls, even the good ones like Emma, worked like that. They made us suffer without even knowing it.
I knocked on the door before I could change my mind again and waited until I heard the faint sound of her voice telling me to come in. I opened the door and tried not to let the look of shock on her face annoy me. She masked it quickly and flashed a smile smoothing down the front of her blouse.
"Hey Sid, what can I do for you?"
Sid? She never called me Sid. Not even when we weren't friends. She was one of the few people in my life that did call me Sidney aside from my grandmothers.
"Is your phone broken?" I asked trying to cut through her mask of defense. If she thought that she was getting away this time, she was wrong.
"My phone?" She asked obviously playing dumb. She had never been a good liar. Even if it occassionally worked with other people, it didn't work on me.
"Yeah, I've called and left a message and sent you a bunch of texts. And you didn't reply to any of them."
She opened her mouth to speak and then sighed loosing one layer of her composure.
"I've been busy and I got your message but then I figured you would be too busy on the road to talk."
That was a logical enough reason but she still obviously didn't want to talk to me. Somehow not talking to Emma for a week was a million times worse than not talking to anyone else- my current girlfriend included.
"So can we talk now? Either that or come over to dinner tonight so that we can talk then. I'm tired of you avoiding me."
She gave me another look and I cut her off before she could say anything else. "Don't try to deny it. You know you've been avoiding me." I knew that I was being a little too aggressive with her but once she was set on doing something, she was nearly unstoppable. And right now she was dead set on pretending like I didn't exist. The idea of that was crawling under my skin and bugging the hell out of me.
"Fine, dinner it is. But I won't be done until 7 so do you want me to just pick up the food on my way over?"
"Nope, don't worry about it. Just come over and I'll figure out dinner."
She nodded still looking at me warily and I told her that I would see her later before heading out to continue my workout downstairs. I didn't feel any better about the situation but at least she was talking to me. If she was talking to me and coming over for dinner, then that was a start. For now I had to strategize and take care of something important.
Emma's POV:
How was he able to pinpoint my actions so well? After barging into my office and looking annoyingly sexy in his workout clothes, he had zeroed right in on the fact that I had been avoiding him and somehow coerced me into having dinner with him.
I was a total failure at being a woman. Weren't women supposed to have control over men and not the other way around? Weren't we supposed to flutter our eyelashes and make everyone in the near vicinity with a penis fall to their knees? My own Mother could do it and had been doing it for years before my Dad wised up and caught on to her tricks.
The real problem here wasn't my lack of feminine wiles, it was that I was a pushover when it came to him and he always knew how to get past me. But that was old news. I had long gotten over the fact that when it came to Sidney Crosby, he was always going to have more control over me than I would over him.
Do you know how terrifying that realization is? To realize that someone literally has that much control over my actions and thoughts? It would be unhealthy if I wasn't a productive member of society and if we weren't strictly friends with one measly kiss between us. What was that old saying in black and white movies? 'What's a kiss between friends?'
That phrase became my mantra as I worked the rest of the day to distract myself from my own wandering mind. By 6pm I realized that I had exaggerated my workload and was browsing the internet reading news articles just to pass the time so that I didn't show up on his doorstep too early. I could at least save my dignity by not appearing too eager and showing up on his doorstep before 7pm.
Finally after reading weather forecasts for Pittsburgh and other random cities a million times, I turned off the lights in my office and headed out to my car. On the way over I tried not to psych myself out by worrying too much about he wanted to talk about. The naive part of me still wanted to believe that he just wanted to discuss charity or hockey with me. Anything but the kiss we had shared. I didn't think that my heart or my head could handle listening to him apologize and give me a random reason why he did it.
When I pulled up outside of his house, it was all lit up with one of the garage doors open so that I could pull my car in and get into the house. I had been to his house hundreds of times before following this exact same routine of letting myself into his house. So why did I suddenly feel like I needed to knock before entering?
The garage door leading into the house opened revealing Sidney standing there telling me something that I couldn't hear because I was still sitting in my running car. He knocked on the window motioning for me to put it down.
"I said, are you ever going to get out of your car? It's been like 5 minutes."
I blushed feeling irritable and embarrassed about how we were both acting and fumbled to turn everything off and detach myself from the car. He was waiting patiently and staring at me as I finally got out of the car.
He looked at me for another moment and gave me a small smile telling me to follow him into the house.
"I ordered chinese food for us."
"Okay, that sounds good" I said finally speaking up and thanking god when my voice sounded normal. How did he always look so good when I managed to look like a disaster at the end of a work day? In the very least he shouldn't wear such tight shirts that show off his broad shoulders so well.
"Wait, why is your vase missing?" I noticed it immediately as we entered the kitchen and saw that his tacky, ornamental vase was mysteriously gone. His grandma had given it to him as a house warming gift and we always laughed about how tacky it was even though he always left it out in the middle of the large kitchen island. It was a staple to his non-existent décor.
"Oh" he said looking angry. "Christine tried to heave it at me."
My jaw dropped in shock as I comprehended what he had just told me. She was not only completely awful but also abusive? "What?!"
"Yeah, we got into another argument and she tried to throw it at me but she couldn't lift it so instead it just fell and broke."
"Oh my god, Sidney. That's terrible! I mean the vase was horrible but it belonged here on the counter." How could she do that? If I didn't hate her already, I hated her now for not appreciating that his grandmother had given it to him as a present!
"It doesn't matter now, she's gone now" he said pulling chinese cartons out of the big, paper bag.
"Good. I wouldn't want to be here if she was still lingering around after that." Having dinner with both of them would be beyond terrible.
He laughed and handed me a plate with a carton of the lo mein he had ordered for me. "No, I mean she's gone. I broke up with her."
I tried to act non-chalant while internally berating myself for being so stupid. Of course he meant that they had broken up. But why? Weren't they thinking of moving in together? He hadn't seemed thrilled about the idea exactly but he never told me what he was going to do.
"She just didn't take the news very well" Sidney added taking his own cartons with him to the living room leaving me to follow him in astonishment.
I grabbed two waters from the fridge before following him. He was already stretched out on the couch not leaving me a lot of room to sit with distance between us and of course, a taping of last week's "Hockey Night in Canada" already on. Strangely, even though I got more than enough hockey during the day time, I liked watching recaps with Sidney. Maybe it was unhealthy that hockey was his job and also the only thing he watched on TV if it wasn't a movie or Friends, but he never seemed to tire of it and I was always entertained just from listening to the sportscasters. I handed him his drink and plopped down careful to put some space between us. Unfortunately the cushions which are normally so comfortable, angled down leaving me sitting closer to him than I would have liked and I sat uncomfortably on an angle.
"So what did you need to talk to me about?" I asked finally breaking the silence between us. How could I enjoy my food when he was just sitting there and not telling me why I was there in the first place?
"Do you know what you're doing for Christmas yet?" He said still focusing on the TV screen.
I wanted to groan and then smack him for bringing me here for that. I was Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide with my emotions all over the place. I didn't want to talk about the kiss but I wanted to. I didn't want to be here with him right now but I did. I wanted to ask him why he had really broken up with the Viper but I couldn't form the words.
"We talked about that. I really think that you should spend the holidays with your family Sidney. You guys don't need an intruder there also" I replied staying calm and trying to keep my face completely passive.
"But you're not going to be an intruder. And I am going to spend the holidays with my family for a few days but I don't see why you won't come with me. You're the only one that is finding anything wrong with this idea."
He looked frustrated with me again almost like he wanted to say something else to me but was holding himself back. If he would just say what he wanted to say, then maybe we wouldn't be frustrated with each other right now.
"Well I don't understand why you won't just accept 'thanks but no thanks' as an answer and let it go." I was getting defensive now and a headache was forming between my eyes. I hated fighting with him and that's all we seemed to be doing lately- almost like we weren't friends at all.
He didn't answer my question. Instead he shook his head at me and got up from the couch, walking into the kitchen leaving me stunned that he had actually chosen to ignore me and just left like that. I don't think so buddy.
"Sidney Patrick Crosby, don't you dare walk away from me." I said following him and channeling my inner-mother. He stood with his back facing me at the sink rinsing off his plate and loading it into the dishwasher still ignoring me.
"Okay listen" I said poking him hard in the back. "You're the one that made me come to dinner tonight and now you don't even want to have a conversation with me. You just want to talk and I'm apparently expected to just fall into line." After years of dealing with my parents, I hated when no one listened to me and just expected me to bend to their whim and will. Sidney was at least supposed to respect me and not do that to me. He was supposed to understand when I said no and not just walk away like I was incapable of understanding.
I poked him again for good measure causing him to turn around and grab my wrist to prevent me from jabbing him again. "Stop poking me" he growled looking at me like I was an annoyance. I hated that. I wanted him to look at me and be just as angry as I was in that moment- not look at me think of me as an inconvenience or like a little kid that needs to be sent away.
"Stop ignoring me when I tell you 'no' or when I explain why I don't want to go home with you."
His grip on my wrist tightened holding me in place in front of him. "I will when you stop giving me bullshit excuses all of the time." He grabbed my other wrist as it went in for the kill to stab him again pulling us closer together. I didn't even care because I was so angry at him that this time, the closeness of our bodies wasn't affecting me like it normally would.
"I invited you home with me because my family is warm and loving- something that I know your family is not. I just wanted to make sure that you enjoyed Christmas this year and knew that you would with my family.That's it. No hidden agenda or ulterior motive."
We stood there in silence after he had finished. His grip had loosened on my wrists and the pads of his thumbs were tracing gentle circles over the pulse in my wrists. Did I believe him? It was hard not to especially since he no longer looked like he wanted to throttle me.
"So what's your excuse now? Go ahead, I really want to hear what you'll make your new excuse of why you can't just enjoy the holidays with my family?"
I stiffened feeling the nice thoughts I was thinking about him disappear and be replaced with anger again at his words. Of course he had to go and ruin the moment like that.
"You know, I was about to say that I would think about it or say yes when you had to go and-" I started to yell at him and pull out of his hold completely when his arm slipped around my waist to my lower back crushing me against him. His lips were on mine before I could finish my sentence and my traitorous lips instantly responded to his. This time was different. Where our first kiss had been short and sweet, this kiss was rough and building quickly into a battle of wills as he gained control and I fought to keep up with him. His strong hand pressed my lower back towards him as we met core to core. His lips were still moving smoothly over mine as he switched our positions and hitched me up to sit on the countertop behind us. My legs parted instantly allowing him full access between them as he continued to attack my mouth and rub his hand up over my blouse to rest beneath my breast. I gasped, eyes nearly rolling into the back of my head as his teeth scraped along my jawline and my hands jumped to his shoulders as I tightened my legs around his waist. He groaned at the new contact and broke the kiss letting our breath mix together in the limited space between us.
"What just happened?" I asked feeling almost dazed. No kiss had ever thrown me off my sanity like this one had- even our previous, perfect kiss.
"You said yes" he said smiling and placing his lips on mine again, this time at a gentler rate.
Okay so I hadn't exactly said yes but his lips felt so wonderful on mine that for once, I let it go choosing to live in the moment instead and find answers later.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Chapter 18
Emma's POV:
I thought that I had died. Maybe died and gone to heaven but mostly I was just dead. Whatever my current state of being, Sidney had unexpectedly kissed me and as much as I enjoyed it, it was confusing as hell.
But lord, the man could kiss me. It was like he knew exactly the type of pressure to use to make my knees weak and my mind screaming for more. Did every girl feel like that while he kissed them? I really, really hoped not. No matter what happened from now on, I wanted to remember that kiss forever as the most perfect kiss I would probably ever experience.
Part of my brain registered that I was bat shit crazy to tell him to stop but my mind was spinning in so many directions that the only thing I could think was 'why is he kissing me?'
That didn't last though as within seconds his perfect lips found mine again and this time, I pulled him closer wanting to wrap myself in his warmth and never leave. I literally felt like we were being electrocuted but it was the kind of shock I didn't mind.
And then I remembered. Christine. He was in a relationship with someone else. I couldn't be that girl who cheated with someone else's boyfriend. Sidney wasn't that kind of guy either which made kissing him ten types of wrong right now.
"Sidney, we can't" I murmured pulling myself away from him once again. "Why did you do that?" There had to be a reason why he had suddenly decided to kiss me- seemingly out of nowhere!
"I don't know" he confessed still holding me, eyes flickering down to my lips and then back to my eyes.
How did he not know? I wasn't a siren that just forced men to kiss me upon command. I certainly wasn't hot enough to attract guys like Sidney- a fact that I had learned a long, long time ago. So how did he just not know why he had kissed me? Besides, Sidney Crosby never did anything without a reason- on or off of the ice.
Everything after that happened so quickly that it was almost like it had never happened at all. Like an idiot I practically shoved him out the door and told him that we would talk later but really that translated to "we'll talk after Christmas because I really need a break from you right now." He was absolutely nuts if he thought I was going to spend Christmas with him after what had just happened. Especially since he still had a girlfriend, it wasn't like I wanted to be a homewrecker. Somehow it had just happened.
"So you mean he just kissed you? Out of the blue like that?"
It had been three days since I had seen Sidney and I had yet to call him so that we could talk. Instead I had rallied Vero and Eliza and confessed all of the weird tension between us while we ate dinner. Sadly, neither of them had seemed very shocked about it.
"The tension between you two is just ridiculous. At first it was kind of cute, but now it's hard to watch." Vero said looking to Eliza who nodded in agreement. Since when had this happened? And why hadn't they informed me? Their own relationship bliss must be clouding their ability to read other relationships fairly.
"Yes, he just kissed me! Out of nowhere!" I said finally answering Eliza's original question. "How are we supposed to stay friends and just friends after this?"
"Wait, wait" Eliza said holding up a hand to pause what I was saying. "You want to be just friends with him?"
That made me pause. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. It wasn't really a matter of choice anyway. It had taken me freaking years to even become his friend. It was highly doubtful that now, all of the sudden after years, he was taking a romantic interest in me. That stuff happened in movies, it didn't happen in real life and it certainly didn't happen to me.
"Well, yeah. I mean we are friends. And we have to remember that Christine is still in the picture."
"I hate that bitch" Eliza commented taking a sip of her coke. "Sid is so much better than her so why is he still with her?"
"She's an easy lay" I said surprising even myself. I didn't normally say things like that but wasn't it true?
Vero was still eyeing me in surprise but agreed with me. "She's right. She's hot if you're into the dark hair and easy thing. What guy wouldn't want that? I don't think that even Saint Sidney is immune to her" Vero added confirming what we all already knew.
Saint Sidney was right. Maybe he was just testing me. Or he was drunk. But who gets drunk after a morning workout?
"Maybe he's finally realizing that a good thing has been in front of him all along" Eliza said shrugging. It was sweet of her to say and I knew she was just being supportive but of course she would say that. She had become a big gooey, romantic mess since meeting Max. Right now, that just wasn't what I wanted to hear.
"Just talk to him. See what happens." Vero told me acting as if this was just a simple matter. Little did she know, this was anything but simple.
Lunch was over entirely too fast and I was standing out by my car back at the Mellon debating whether or not I should call him or chicken out and wait another three days. If I knew what to say, I would call and get it over with. The problem was, I had no freaking idea what to say to him. As I was standing there practically in the middle of an existential breakdown, my phone began to vibrate in my hand. The caller i.d. read Sidney and I groaned outloud realizing that this was probably some sign from a higher being. Clearly this higher being liked to torture me.
"Hello?" Why was I acting like I didn't know who it was? As much as I hated him sometimes, he had the ability to turn me into an idiot.
"Em? It's Sid. I was just wondering if you had a second to talk." The sound of his voice shot tingles down my spine but I didn't trust myself enough to decide whether it was because I had missed him or because I was nervous.
"Um yeah, I have a minute to spare." God, I was pathetic.
"Well we're going back out on the road tonight but I wanted to make sure that we were okay." I nodded even though he couldn't see me as he nervously rambled. It was soothing to hear the anxiousness in his voice while he tried to make things normal between us. It felt reassuring to know that I wasn't the only one who was all worked up about this.
"So I just wanted to make sure that you weren't mad at me or something."
"No I'm not mad, I promise" I said laughing slightly. He sounded so genuinely concerned that it was vaguely amusing. "I've just been really, really busy and I haven't gotten around to calling you." There, that doesn't sound too bad, right?
"Yeah, well listen-" He started to say something but I panicked worried about where he was going to take the conversation. Would it be terribly immature to fake static on the line and pretend that we got cut off? Definitely.
"Actually Sidney, I'm really sorry to cut this short, but I'm just about to walk into a meeting. Could we talk later maybe?" I didn't know why I was ending this conversation so quickly when I was the one who wanted answers. Had I gone completely insane now?
"Yeah," he sighed sounding frustrated with me. "I've got to go too. We're about to take off."
"Okay well, thanks for calling." I felt like we were 14 years old all over again and having our first boy-girl phone conversation.
I knew he was mad when he didn't say anything, choosing to hang up the phone after I said goodbye. I got it- he was frustrated. He was frustrated and I was a coward.
Oddly enough, he hadn't apologized for anything. What did that mean exactly?
Sidney's POV:
I slid my cell phone closed controlling my urge to hurl the phone against the seat in front of me. I had fucked up royally with Emma and now she could barely talk to me on the phone. Usually I could wait and get past her little avoidance games but after trying to be patient for days, I realized that this was going to be harder and a hell of a lot more frustrating than I planned.
Patience was what she needed but what was I supposed to do? Be so patient with her that we never spoke again? I didn't think so.
"Whoa man, save the aggression for the ice." I shifted to let Flower take his seat next to the window while I kept my aisle seat. I hated the window seat and always felt trapped there when we were on long flights.
"Are you okay? We need to kick Staalsy's ass today" he said holding his PSP up as a reminder of our regular flight games.
"Yeah" I told him leaning back into my seat and trying to forget about a certain cowardly redhead.
"Ready to play!" Staalsy yelled boarding the plane and taking the seats in front of us. He was making so much noise that the stewardess looked freaked out by his antics and enthusiasm for Socom. Guess she was new around here.
"You better not make us lose. I'm not covering your ass on the ice and in Socom too" Marc said pulling his tray down and turning on his PSP.
I did not need my ass covered in anything. On the plus side, if I focused on being with the guys for the next few days, then my mind wouldn't be stuck on Emma and wondering what the hell I was even going to say to her once she finally let me speak.
Patience, Sid. Patience.
I thought that I had died. Maybe died and gone to heaven but mostly I was just dead. Whatever my current state of being, Sidney had unexpectedly kissed me and as much as I enjoyed it, it was confusing as hell.
But lord, the man could kiss me. It was like he knew exactly the type of pressure to use to make my knees weak and my mind screaming for more. Did every girl feel like that while he kissed them? I really, really hoped not. No matter what happened from now on, I wanted to remember that kiss forever as the most perfect kiss I would probably ever experience.
Part of my brain registered that I was bat shit crazy to tell him to stop but my mind was spinning in so many directions that the only thing I could think was 'why is he kissing me?'
That didn't last though as within seconds his perfect lips found mine again and this time, I pulled him closer wanting to wrap myself in his warmth and never leave. I literally felt like we were being electrocuted but it was the kind of shock I didn't mind.
And then I remembered. Christine. He was in a relationship with someone else. I couldn't be that girl who cheated with someone else's boyfriend. Sidney wasn't that kind of guy either which made kissing him ten types of wrong right now.
"Sidney, we can't" I murmured pulling myself away from him once again. "Why did you do that?" There had to be a reason why he had suddenly decided to kiss me- seemingly out of nowhere!
"I don't know" he confessed still holding me, eyes flickering down to my lips and then back to my eyes.
How did he not know? I wasn't a siren that just forced men to kiss me upon command. I certainly wasn't hot enough to attract guys like Sidney- a fact that I had learned a long, long time ago. So how did he just not know why he had kissed me? Besides, Sidney Crosby never did anything without a reason- on or off of the ice.
Everything after that happened so quickly that it was almost like it had never happened at all. Like an idiot I practically shoved him out the door and told him that we would talk later but really that translated to "we'll talk after Christmas because I really need a break from you right now." He was absolutely nuts if he thought I was going to spend Christmas with him after what had just happened. Especially since he still had a girlfriend, it wasn't like I wanted to be a homewrecker. Somehow it had just happened.
"So you mean he just kissed you? Out of the blue like that?"
It had been three days since I had seen Sidney and I had yet to call him so that we could talk. Instead I had rallied Vero and Eliza and confessed all of the weird tension between us while we ate dinner. Sadly, neither of them had seemed very shocked about it.
"The tension between you two is just ridiculous. At first it was kind of cute, but now it's hard to watch." Vero said looking to Eliza who nodded in agreement. Since when had this happened? And why hadn't they informed me? Their own relationship bliss must be clouding their ability to read other relationships fairly.
"Yes, he just kissed me! Out of nowhere!" I said finally answering Eliza's original question. "How are we supposed to stay friends and just friends after this?"
"Wait, wait" Eliza said holding up a hand to pause what I was saying. "You want to be just friends with him?"
That made me pause. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. It wasn't really a matter of choice anyway. It had taken me freaking years to even become his friend. It was highly doubtful that now, all of the sudden after years, he was taking a romantic interest in me. That stuff happened in movies, it didn't happen in real life and it certainly didn't happen to me.
"Well, yeah. I mean we are friends. And we have to remember that Christine is still in the picture."
"I hate that bitch" Eliza commented taking a sip of her coke. "Sid is so much better than her so why is he still with her?"
"She's an easy lay" I said surprising even myself. I didn't normally say things like that but wasn't it true?
Vero was still eyeing me in surprise but agreed with me. "She's right. She's hot if you're into the dark hair and easy thing. What guy wouldn't want that? I don't think that even Saint Sidney is immune to her" Vero added confirming what we all already knew.
Saint Sidney was right. Maybe he was just testing me. Or he was drunk. But who gets drunk after a morning workout?
"Maybe he's finally realizing that a good thing has been in front of him all along" Eliza said shrugging. It was sweet of her to say and I knew she was just being supportive but of course she would say that. She had become a big gooey, romantic mess since meeting Max. Right now, that just wasn't what I wanted to hear.
"Just talk to him. See what happens." Vero told me acting as if this was just a simple matter. Little did she know, this was anything but simple.
Lunch was over entirely too fast and I was standing out by my car back at the Mellon debating whether or not I should call him or chicken out and wait another three days. If I knew what to say, I would call and get it over with. The problem was, I had no freaking idea what to say to him. As I was standing there practically in the middle of an existential breakdown, my phone began to vibrate in my hand. The caller i.d. read Sidney and I groaned outloud realizing that this was probably some sign from a higher being. Clearly this higher being liked to torture me.
"Hello?" Why was I acting like I didn't know who it was? As much as I hated him sometimes, he had the ability to turn me into an idiot.
"Em? It's Sid. I was just wondering if you had a second to talk." The sound of his voice shot tingles down my spine but I didn't trust myself enough to decide whether it was because I had missed him or because I was nervous.
"Um yeah, I have a minute to spare." God, I was pathetic.
"Well we're going back out on the road tonight but I wanted to make sure that we were okay." I nodded even though he couldn't see me as he nervously rambled. It was soothing to hear the anxiousness in his voice while he tried to make things normal between us. It felt reassuring to know that I wasn't the only one who was all worked up about this.
"So I just wanted to make sure that you weren't mad at me or something."
"No I'm not mad, I promise" I said laughing slightly. He sounded so genuinely concerned that it was vaguely amusing. "I've just been really, really busy and I haven't gotten around to calling you." There, that doesn't sound too bad, right?
"Yeah, well listen-" He started to say something but I panicked worried about where he was going to take the conversation. Would it be terribly immature to fake static on the line and pretend that we got cut off? Definitely.
"Actually Sidney, I'm really sorry to cut this short, but I'm just about to walk into a meeting. Could we talk later maybe?" I didn't know why I was ending this conversation so quickly when I was the one who wanted answers. Had I gone completely insane now?
"Yeah," he sighed sounding frustrated with me. "I've got to go too. We're about to take off."
"Okay well, thanks for calling." I felt like we were 14 years old all over again and having our first boy-girl phone conversation.
I knew he was mad when he didn't say anything, choosing to hang up the phone after I said goodbye. I got it- he was frustrated. He was frustrated and I was a coward.
Oddly enough, he hadn't apologized for anything. What did that mean exactly?
Sidney's POV:
I slid my cell phone closed controlling my urge to hurl the phone against the seat in front of me. I had fucked up royally with Emma and now she could barely talk to me on the phone. Usually I could wait and get past her little avoidance games but after trying to be patient for days, I realized that this was going to be harder and a hell of a lot more frustrating than I planned.
Patience was what she needed but what was I supposed to do? Be so patient with her that we never spoke again? I didn't think so.
"Whoa man, save the aggression for the ice." I shifted to let Flower take his seat next to the window while I kept my aisle seat. I hated the window seat and always felt trapped there when we were on long flights.
"Are you okay? We need to kick Staalsy's ass today" he said holding his PSP up as a reminder of our regular flight games.
"Yeah" I told him leaning back into my seat and trying to forget about a certain cowardly redhead.
"Ready to play!" Staalsy yelled boarding the plane and taking the seats in front of us. He was making so much noise that the stewardess looked freaked out by his antics and enthusiasm for Socom. Guess she was new around here.
"You better not make us lose. I'm not covering your ass on the ice and in Socom too" Marc said pulling his tray down and turning on his PSP.
I did not need my ass covered in anything. On the plus side, if I focused on being with the guys for the next few days, then my mind wouldn't be stuck on Emma and wondering what the hell I was even going to say to her once she finally let me speak.
Patience, Sid. Patience.
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