Chapter 20

Did I tell you guys how much I detest this semester? I feel like writing is my only escape from anything right now so I appreciate it so much that I have this strange little hobby of mine to turn to. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I felt like so much of my own head was inside Emma's towards the end of this chapter and that makes me smile. Maybe you'll understand this ramble when you get there.


Emma's POV:

We needed to talk.

We really needed to talk but I couldn't do anything while his lips were attached to the sensitive skin on my neck. He was discovering skin that I didn't even know I had on my neck and making me feel like my body was slowly being swallowed in flames. "Friends" did not do these sorts of things. Friends did not make out for a solid twenty minutes in a kitchen like two teenagers discovering what puberty did to bodies.

But I hadn't said yes to this weird Christmas scheme he had cooked up and for as much as I was in heaven right now, I felt like a fraud. I was lying by continuing to kiss him and letting him believe that I had really said yes.

He groaned at the feeling of my nails scraping along his neck and pushed me back farther onto the counter rapping my head against the cupboards and making me gasp in shock. This time I was seeing stars but for a different reason than before.

"I'm really sorry, are you okay?" he winced holding my head gently while I struggled to focus my eyes. I was so out of sorts from our makeout session and from hitting my head that I couldn't do anything but focus on the golden eyes in front of me. "How many fingers do I have up?" he joked holding three fingers up in front of my face. At least I thought that was three fingers.

"Three?" I guessed still feeling woozy.

He grinned leaning in to kiss me again and I stopped him by putting a hand on his chest. Who was this Sidney Crosby and where had he come from? I had absolutely no idea that he could be this forward and I wasn't a girl accustomed to a man taking charge like that. Much less one of my closest friends.

"Wait" I said trying to disengage our lips.

"Hmm?" he mumbled trying to tempt me into deepening the kiss. I guess I wasn't very convincing with one of my arms still wrapped tightly around his neck and my hand buried in his hair.

"Sidney, this isn't a good idea" I said trying to remain strong and resist my urge to taste the skin beneath his ear. He wrinkled his eyebrows at me in confusion, his lips still tantalizingly close to mine.

"What? Why?"

How would I explain this to him without coming off like a complete bitch? And worse, an awful, terrible friend?

"Sidney, I didn't say 'yes.'" I waited for him to blow up at me and ruin what was quite literally one of the best 20 minutes of my life so far. He pulled back just staring at me and I hated that I couldn't tell what he was thinking. He was just looking at me with those eyes of his and I could feel his brain picking me apart. The worst part of it was that I couldn't move anywhere with his arms holding me in place on the counter and my legs still wrapped tightly around his waist.

"You said you were going to say yes" he said looking utterly confused. So much for this being an easy, adult conversation. At the rate we were going, hormones were going to get in the way again and I felt a fight coming on.

I opened my mouth to start explaining but he held a hand up and stopped me without saying anything. "You said yes" he said continuing to stare at me. I was positive that this was the beginning of a fight until I noticed the twinkle in his eye.

"Are you smiling?" I asked in disbelief that he would even find humor in this situation. He was the more serious one out of the both of us!

"No" he said coughing and trying to cover up his mouth.

"You are laughing!" I cried out torn between laughing with him and feeling offended. What was so funny about this situation? He was tearing me in half with all of this confusion and he had the audacity to laugh at me right now?

"I'm not, I promise" he said holding his breath before bursting out into laughter. I hadn't seen him laugh like that in awhile and it was nice to hear even though I wasn't quite fond of what he was laughing at. Namely me. I pushed at his shoulders so that I could get down off of the counter and put some real space between us. It was hard to reason with him when he was laughing at me and still standing in between my legs.

He stepped aside letting me down off of my perch while he calmed himself down. My once tucked in blouse was now completely out of the hold of my belt and the top two buttons were undone making me wonder when his fingers had even gotten to those. I buttoned them up quickly watching him watch me with a grin still plastered to his face. Again I wondered who this Sidney Crosby was standing in front of me.

"I think that I should go." I didn't know what to make of him just standing there smiling at me. And damn it, couldn't he just take no for an answer for once?

"Wait" he said stepping forward to grab my arm gently. "I'm sorry. Really" he said holding me in place. "I'm not laughing at you."

Laughing at me, my ass. "Then what are you laughing at?"

And why did you kiss me? Twice?

Sidney's POV:

"Then what are you laughing at?" she asked still trying to wiggle her arm out of my hold. I wasn't going to let her just walk away now. I found it cute that she thought that she could get away from me that easily. I should have stopped touching her even before this but I couldn't will my hand to move away from the soft skin of her arm.

"You said that you were going to say 'yes.'" I said ignoring her question and trying to force the conversation elsewhere. The last thing I wanted to do was fight with her again but I had heard what she said and there was no way that I was letting that go. She pursed her lips like she did whenever she was trying to figure something out and my eyes focused on the movement and on her pink lips.

Her lips represented everything that was complicated between us right now and part of me regretted taking that step with her. I didn't know how we had gone from fighting to kissing in 10 seconds flat but it had been impossible for me to not kiss her in that moment. Something about hearing her finally say 'yes' to coming home with me had set me off. It wasn't like she pushed me away either and I had to force myself not to think about the way her nails had felt on my scalp. There had to be consequences to thinking about one of your best friends this way and acting on those thoughts.

Besides, it would never be a good idea for the two of us to become something more than friends. I barely had time to focus on anything besides hockey right now and the last time I had tried for a personal relationship, it had ended in disaster and a broken vase. Emma deserved better than any of that. She needed someone that could be there for her all of the time instead of once or twice a week.

She also deserved to have a good Christmas. If I could learn to ignore my urges around her and put everything back to normal, then we could both enjoy time with my family and come back like nothing ever happened. Just two adults functioning as friends.

"Look, let's just forget everything else. I didn't mean for things to get so-" I paused not knowing what to call the kiss. I couldn't think of an adjective to describe it either without sounding like an ass. "heated a few minutes ago." There, that was accurate enough without lying completely. It had definitely been hot. "Why don't you just take time to think about Christmas and let me know later this week?"

She nodded eyeing me like she knew that I was full of shit and took a complete step back making the room drop in temperature as everything clicked back to the way it was.

"Okay. Sure." She looked paler than she had before and glanced down at her watch obviously looking for an escape. This night hadn't exactly gone as planned. Nothing went as planned with her- ever. Then again, what had I been expecting tonight? I didn't have an answer to that either.

"I'm going to get going. Do you need help cleaning up?"

I shook my head no but she was already walking to where she had draped her coat on a chair when she first came in. "I'll talk to you later" she told me before quickly shutting the door leading to the garage behind her.

Really smooth, Crosby.

Emma's POV:

I made it home without giving into temptation and stopping at Giant Eagle to pick up multiple containers of Ben and Jerry's. Eating through my feelings wasn't going to achieve anything besides adding to my waistline which I couldn't handle right now. A girl could only work out so much before wanting to burn every one of her sports bras.

Tonight had turned into one big, collossal mess and I wanted to punch something- more importantly someone. I had never been one for violent urges- that was Eliza's territory- but Sidney brought out the worst in me and lately my violent urges had gotten more frequent.

Why hadn't I stayed and demanded answers? I should have, I deserved them. And yet, I just left. I always just leave and it was frustrating to fall victim to my instincts and habits once again. What was worse was that he had brushed it off like it was nothing. He went from kissing me, to laughing to pretending like that was all normal in the span of 5 minutes. How was I supposed to feel after all of that? I couldn't be as robotic as he apparently could be. Then again, maybe he hadn't enjoyed the kiss the way I had? Maybe it was one of those 'been there, done that' scenarios and I was now in the 'done that' category.

But damn it, we were friends! Friends didn't pull shit like that with friends! You at least had the courtesy to give explanations when you pulled weird shit like that with friends. Not that I had ever been in this position before but that didn't really make a difference right now. My rational side didn't have to make an appearance right now.

My phone beeped signalling a text message and I picked it up from where I had tossed it onto the counter angrily when I got home.

I got you a plane ticket just in case. It's refundable if you decide not to come. -Sid

What an ass. He was still being pushy but trying to act like he wasn't by giving me a choice in the matter. By throwing the ball in my court and acting like all of this was really my choice, he actually had the ball in his court in a some twisted way. Mr. In-Control was in control again and it pissed me off. How could someone just be that emotionally in check all of the damn time? Didn't he slip up? Ever?

The perverse side of my mind wanted to go with him to Nova Scotia now just to show him that our little display in the kitchen didn't mean anything to me either. Never mind that my head had simultaneously cracked open and slid off my shoulders from the feeling of his lips on mine. Never mind that I had been thinking about what kissing him would feel like since the day I laid eyes on him. If he could act like it was nothing than it was nothing to me too.

I pulled out my phone and quickly typed out a text to him curious to see how he would react.

How much do I owe you for it? I'm coming.

I couldn't take the text back now as it disappeared off into cyber space but I felt more confident now like we were finally toe to toe.

Bring it, Crosby.