Chapter 22

Okay, I'm back from being awol but this will most likely be the last post until I'm on winter break in a week. It's too early for me to proof read this and I will most likely go back over and edit it later on after I have some more caffeine in my system. I just felt guilty about not updating and wanted to get this out asap. Hope it puts you in the holiday mood!!! :)

Emma's POV:

I feel like I'm in a dream by the time we make it back to Sidney's childhood home. As I quickly discover, every time I want to wake up and pinch myself, another Crosby swoops in and distracts me from thinking about a quick escape.

"So what is it that you do again?" One of Sidney's grandmothers (I can't remember which one) pats my hand gingerly as she lowers herself to a seat at the kitchen table. I had offered to help Mrs. Crosby with the casserole she was making and was assigned to vegetable cutting duty. She had looked incredibly relieved to have some help and had immediately thrust the cutting board, knife and grocery bag in my direction.

"I work for the Penguins" I reply trying to concentrate on what I'm cutting and not lose a finger in the process. "I work on charity events for the teams, that sort of thing."

She smiles understandingly and I go back to silently cutting the vegetables and taking in my surroundings. I've never been in a home like this before and it's startling to contrast what Sidney's childhood must have been like growing up compared to mine. Decoration in the house is like a war between Mrs. Crosby and Mr. Crosby split half in half with tasteful and homey decorations and hockey memorabilia. It's unique to this family and somehow fits them all perfectly. I like that it's nothing at all like the airy, white space I had grown up in. My Mom's taste had always floated between extremes where one room was what she liked to call "minimalist décor" and another was rich with fabrics and heavy furniture. It had never made any sense to me and now I wondered if that had been a result of the battle between my parents as well. My Dad with his reluctance to commit to his family and a home would surely be the result of the strange white rooms and the guady rooms would belong to my Mom who has used material possessions to compensate for her unhappiness for years. Suddenly the Crosby's house no longer looks like a battle between tastes but more like their version of compromise.

"Are you doing okay?" I feel Sidney's breath on my neck as he whispers in my ear. That's another thing that I find unsettling today- everything about our actions makes me feel as if we're a unit and that he's brought me home for Christmas for another reason, something I also know to be completely false. From the subtle touches and the way he keeps checking up on me, I'm so confused whether he's just being his normal, caring self like he is to everyone around him, or if he's acting this way because it's different now. Because we're  different now.

"We're going to go get a Christmas Tree later if you're up for it. But I have to warn you, it will still be just as cold outside as it was earlier" he warns playfully.

"Oh ha ha" I reply dryly. He thought that it was hilarious how much colder I found Canada to be than Pittsburgh which was no picnic either in the weather department. Even though I had obviously brought a winter coat, that didn't stop me from exclaiming "It's freezing!" as soon as we hit the air outside of the airport.

"Oh, were you too cold Emma?" Sidney's Mom asks me watching our exchange with interest. "You can borrow one of my heavy coats if you'd like."

"No, I'm fine" I say reassuring her and shooting Sidney a look. "I brought a thicker coat with me but thank you." I don't want to be a nuissance in any way while I'm here with his family and he's making me seem like an idiot who didn't know that Canada was cold during the winter. Really, really cold.

"You're not helping" I hiss to Sidney who has discovered his inner comedian and has been using it to the fullest extent since we boarded a plane to Canada. Maybe it's all of the fresh air up here.

He grins at me again and escapes from the kitchen leaving me with all of the women once again. I'm enjoying just listening to the conversations around me when I feel a pair of eyes on me, watching me silently and assessing me. When I look up, my eyes meet Taylors who's been helping her Mom with something else on the other side of the kitchen. She quickly looks away when she realizes that I've caught her staring and a slight blush spreads on her cheeks.

I can't tell if she likes me or not or if she's just being protective of her big brother and can't figure out my purpose for being here with them. Once again I bury the urge to announce to everyone that there are no ulterior motives behind Sidney bringing me here and that they have nothing to worry about but strangely that thought only makes me feel depressed.

"Okay Mrs. Crosby, here's all of the vegetables" I announce putting another smile on my face and masking any hint of sadness.

"Oh call me Trina, sweetie. And thanks. It's nice to have some help around here" she winks at me and directs her statement at Taylor who immediately begins to defend herself.

"Mom! You know I don't cook!" Taylor's eyes meet mine again and I can't figure out if she's looking to me for some support or if she's still wondering why the hell I'm even here invading their family time.

"It's okay Taylor, I didn't start to cook until I had to if I wanted anything other than Spaghettios to eat every day." Since my Mom would shudder and then laugh off completely the idea of cooking something it had been on me as a kid to either coerce my Mom into ordering takeout or I made something for us. Then eventually my parents started going out all of the time anyway and it was easier just to do everything myself.

"Didn't your Mom cook?" Taylor asks curiously and all of the Crosby women are eyeing me strangely. I decide that there is definitely something in the air up here that makes you do and say stupid things. This is Nova Scotia, a Canadian province that still does things the old fashioned way. The notion of a Mother not providing a meal for her family is unheard of up here.

Instead of lying to them with an 'Of course! My Mom was practically Betty Crocker in white mink!' I try to downplay what I've just said instead. "Uh, not really. My Mom had a lot of other things to worry about. Besides, I enjoy cooking now that I'm older and can appreciate it." Great, what I've just said makes me sound like a harried, old woman but everyone else in the room nods and I'm grateful that they bought my story nonetheless.

Taylor looks at me funny like she wants to laugh but is interrupted when Sidney enters the kitchen again shrugging into his coat and holding my red one out for me. "Everyone ready to go?"

I smile only because he's smiling and it's been such a long time since I saw him this excited about something. I'm enjoying his happiness even more because he's excited to do something simple that most people moan and groan about.

Taylor nods and leaves to go get her coat while Sidney chats with his grandmothers who have opted to stay back and watch over the food instead.
As soon as everyone has their coats on, we pile into one of the Crosby's SUV's and head off to the Christmas tree farm nearby. Never in my 20 plus years on earth had I ever cut down a tree- especially a Christmas tree. Heaven forbid my parents participated in something so traditional as picking out and cutting down your own Christmas tree. 

When we pull up to the farm, I'm shocked by how picturesque the scene is in front of me and barely notice that Sidney is nudging me again with his hand resting cozily on the small of my back.

"It's beautiful" I finally manage to breathe out, still taken back by how magical the scene is with perfect little green trees lined up along the large sloping hill and snow falling perfectly around us. If this was a common sight in Canada, then not only did I now understand why Canadians were so loyal to their country, but I would also be willing to move here for whatever reason. As long as I got to see sights like this every once in awhile, I was fine.

As Taylor chatted with both of us and sweetly talked her brother into buying her some hot chocolate after we got the tree, I watched families moving around us carrying large, bound trees to their cars.

"So what happens exactly?" I asked turning to Sidney, Taylor and Troy. "Do we just go find a tree and then chop it down?" Maybe it was silly but I had only seen things like this in movies- I didn't think that people actually did this- especially since I had grown up with fake christmas trees and had one myself as an adult.

"Yeah" Sidney said laughing slightly. "Haven't you done this before?" I shook my head no watching them look back at me like I was crazy.
"Ever?" Taylor questioned again still eyeing me with interest. I send up a quick prayer hoping that I haven't just committed some kind of dire Canadian faux-pas but Taylor surpises me by smiling and turning to Sidney who's been watching me with just as strange an expression on his face as everyone else.

I detect something else in his gaze as he watches me but the moment is quickly broken as we all begin to walk down the slope that will lead us into the rows of Christmas trees. Soon we're all absorbed into debates over which tree is the best or whether or not some are too short or too fat. I'm also surprisingly  unsurpised  that the men and women stick together in separate groups when it comes to having an opinion about any of the trees we stop and examine.

"Sidney, there's no way that tree will fit on the roof of the car much less in your mother's living room." I stared at the enormous tree in front of us that Sidney had dragged me to excitedly while he claimed that it was 'the one.'

"What are you talking about? It's not that big" he frowns almost making his serious hockey captain face that makes me laugh.

"Sidney" I laugh pointing to the monstrosity in front of us. "It's huge."

"What do you know?" He jokes realizing that I'm not about to back down any time soon. "This is your first time even picking out a tree so how would you what size to get?"

While he has a point, I'm not about to admit that to him. Besides, I want to smack the smirk off his face.

"I think I agree with Emma, Sid" Taylor interjects looking just as skeptical as I am at the Griswold-esque tree before us. "Mom will kill us if we bring that thing home." As women, we both know that we're right but watch as Sidney and Troy continue to talk as if there is still some hope for taking that tree home with us.

Despite our little tree competition and my previous anxiety about being there with his family, I can tell that they are starting to warm up to me and vice versa. By the time we have a normal tree tied down to the roof of the car, Taylor is definitely less shy around me and busy filling me in on various Crosby family members that are coming into town for the holidays and that will be arriving in the morning.

We make it back to the house by nightfall and I marvel at the fact that Canada, Nova Scotia in particular, is beautiful no matter what time of day it is. Throughout dinner, I realize how comfortable I'm becoming with the Crosby's in a short matter of time. Troy is still intimidating in his own right but nearly as scary as I had heard he would be.

Throughout dinner, I also catch Sidney watching me and while I'm finally content to be here around his family, the look in his eyes makes me involuntarily nervous.

It's not until after dinner when I'm drying dishes and helping Mrs. Crosby clean up that he catches up with me in the kitchen and pulls me off excusing me from dish drying duty by saying that he needs my opinion on a last minute gift idea.

While I believed him when he first pulled me out of the kitchen, I'm skeptical when he leads me to the garage door where its cold and I've neglected to put on shoes or a coat.

"Sidney, if you wanted to go somewhere, why didn't you--" Within seconds my sentence is cut off as Sidney's lips cover my own and I find my body pressed up between a wall and the warm, firm muscles of his body that seem to welcome my womanly curves so well.

Like any other time we've kissed, my brain shuts off immediately at the feeling of his soft lips caressing my own. The kiss progresses slowly but is no less passionate than any of the other ones as we silently tell each other our wants and needs. The feeling of one of his hands twisting into my thick hair to rest at the base of my neck causes me to gasp and allow him more access into my mouth.

Before breathing becomes an issue for either of us, Sidney breaks the kiss and steps away from me quickly as if I've suddenly burned him.
"Sid? Are you two in here?" I hear Mrs. Crosby call out for us and realize that Sidney must have heard her before I did and wisely backed off before we both got caught with our hands in the cookie jar.

"Yeah, we'll be back in in a sec!" He shouts, still not taking his eyes off of my own shocked ones. We both open our mouths to say something and laugh nervously when we realize that we almost spoke at the same time.

I'm more confused than ever now by his actions and why this is the third time that he's kissed me without rhyme or reason. Anymore of this and I'm going to start thinking that he actually wants something from me which we both know to be untrue.

This time its Taylor who walks into the garage holding a tray of hors d'oeuvres to put away in the garage refrigerator for Christmas day. "Are you guys okay? You both look like you've seen a ghost!" She's joking but that still doesn't take the pressure off what's become an intense staring contest between Sidney and I. Rather than wait for him to finally  tell me what he's thinking, I turn and follow Taylor back into the warm house.

Whatever that was could wait until later. Later maybe we would be able to have an uninterrupted conversation and finally get down to what the hell is happening between us.